Advice

[kiwigirl]

This could be a bit long winded but I'll try and give you as much information as I can.

It started over a year ago when I made contact with a guy who worked on the same Air Force Base as me. We got together about four times but we only fooled around back then. Once we started talking, I guess I fell for him but never told him as he was living in another country but still in the Air Force and he had joined an internet dating site in hope of finding someone to settle down with. We agreed that I would go over and see him and he agreed that he would, if he met someone would put it on the back burner so to speak and focus on my visit, so last Easter I went to stay with him and have a holiday based on sex as I was (and still am rather inexperienced) nothing more as he was keen to find someone over there where he lived. Things did not go well and I came home early, things were said and we ended up falling out big time. But I still had feelings for him.

I went to the country where he lives on holiday last year and contacted him, which suprised me as I though he would hang up on me as we had not spoken in months. We agreed to meet the following night for dinner, a bit of a catch up and then I thought that he would go home, but he stayed the night and even though we did not have intercourse (due to what had happened when I was over there at Easter) we fooled around like old times and enjoyed ourselves. He hugged me goodbye the next morning which is something he has never done to me before and I felt warm and fuzzy all day.

We agreed that we would talk earlier this year and we ended up talking once a week via e-mail as he was away with his work and could only get to the computer once a week, so I enjoyed getting his e-mails. In one of them he knew that I wanted to feel him in me and said that if he was not away with his job, or had a girlfriend that he would consider meeting up with me. He told me that he was going away for a few weeks and that he would check his e-mails when got home to look at some pictures I had sent him. Then a few days later I checked his profile on the internet dating site that he belonged to and it was no longer there. Finally on Valentines Day I sent him an e-mail asking him for an honest answer about it. This took over a month for him to reply to and he has decided that now he has a girlfriend, he does not want her to find out about the e-mails, etc that I sent him and for him to try to explain me to her if she sees any e-mails from me and "kicked me to the curb" and cut our friendship, which was going okay as far as i knew, up, so he can pursue this person.

The problem is, is that I love this guy and have strong feelings from him but he doesn't want to know as he does not think we have much in common but a good friend and I do and she sent an e-mail to him basically saying that thanks to him, my trust in men has dropped (again) and that I would miss him as a friend and if his girlfriend was that understanding, he could have me as a friend but not go into any detail about our past relationships. I can't forget him and the way he has dropped me from his life as a friend is hurtful and wrong.

I need some advice
Kiwigirl

[pozzolane]

As much as you feel you love this guy, your relationship with him does not sound healthy.

There are far too many large ups and downs. He likes you, he doesn't, he likes you, he doesn't. How many times do you want that cycle to repeat?

Losing the friendship is hard. I know that cause I've been in that case too. I was once really good friends with this girl I was in love with, and she told me that we couldn't be friends because her ex didn't like me and she was friends with him also.

You'll see in time that that makes no sence and is very immature, but...There is nothing you can do about it. Further attempts to keep the relationship alive when it is not only draws out the pain you feel. Find someone else thats closer to home and who is true hearted, and let your feelings for him go.