New Relationship Concerns

[Ashling]

Since I am new here, I should begin by telling you a little about myself and this new "relationship" for context regarding my concerns.
I am single, gainfully employed and live alone in a big city. I consider myself to be an independent young woman. Here's the catch: I have not been in a relationship in YEARS (since I was in University). I haven't even been on a single date in that time. I was ill during my last year in school, so I withdrew from just about everything to focus on staying healthy (and, of course, satisfying my vanity by waiting for my hair to grow back and losing some weight - silly, huh?). So, now that I've been in this new, big city for a while... I met a man. I decided to take the plunge (new life = new attitude, right?) and handed over my phone number with a brilliant smile. TA DA! He called! YEA! We went out a few times, enjoyed each other's company and talked until the sun came up. Then, without warning, my sex drive returned with avengance.... and my brain shut off. I brought home a much older man that I have known for only a few days, but am extremely attracted to. This is not a move I would have made years ago - I have always been very selective about who I bring into my bed and have limited sexual experience.

This man has treated me with nothing but respect and the decision to bring him home was at my suggestion.

He has been very honest about not looking for a long-term committment, but is looking for exclusive, safe sex and good company/converstaion. In theory, that's exactly what I want. The real problem is this: I have known this man for ten days (the last three of which have been spent in my bed). I find myself uneasy with my decision to dive into a sexual relationship with a relative stranger. As much as I am enjoying the sex, the conversation and the coffee he brings me in bed... is this a relationship, could it become a realtionship or am I behaving like a hormone-laddden teenager?

I find myself in a position where I want to step back and examine my own motives: I like this man, but do I like him or do I like the fact that he doesn't care that my hair is actually a wig? Do I like the attention from him or do I just like the attention after being a man-free zone for so long?

Is there a way to step back and apply rational thought to a "relationship" or am I over-analyzing the whole situation? Should I just relax and enjoy what I've got for the time being?

This post is now unbelievably long and is starting to sound a little crazy.
Sorry for the excessive reading, but any objective insight would be appreciated!

A.

[dancingdoc2]

First of all I do believe that you are acting irresponsibly. As I advise teenagers who are jumping into bed with someone they hardly know, who else are you sleeping with? The point of the question is to let them know that they are not only sleeping with this new person but every other person s/he has ever slept with and every person each of them has and so on and so on. In short, what is this person's sexual history and does he have any social diseases and does anyone he slept with have and so on and so on.....

I suppose in this day and age it is OK to have recreational sex and/or friends with benefits, although, I firmly believe that sex is the outward manifestation of a loving relationship. Regardless of how you view the matter, I do think you are selling yourself short and too soon. You and everyone else in this same situation owes it to yourself to get to know the person you are intimate with. Try tabling the intercourse at least for four or five months in order to establish a firm foundation for what may follow.

[WallyLlama]

Yep, you are probably over-analyzing. You may be uneasy with your decision, but you already made it so that point is moot.

Don't hold on to the old you if there's a new you developing. Live in the present, have a forward focus.

In so doing you might just discover that there isn't always a rational reason for what we want and we don't really have to justify our wants. Sometimes our brain is our enemy, particularly when it comes to love and relationships. Sometimes the illogical (on the surface) relationships are the best.

Three days in bed is great... wow... of course eventually you'll have to get out of bed and go to work or something... it may take more than three days and will take more than simple sex, but you'll figure it out. I'd say you couldn't have stayed in bed that long without some fundamental compatibility and you've discovered you both are looking for the same thing in a relationship. It's entirely possible that you've both found it!

What's so bad about behaving like hormone-laden teenager??! I have some gray hair and get that way when I'm near my love... heck, I get that way when I'm not near her! (Hint, don't let the age difference bother you if the chemistry is right!)

In the end, you are only responsible to yourselves and each other. I think it would be irresponsible to stop a relationship that appears to have gotten off to a wonderful start... but the only important question is what do you and he think?

Since he's looking for good conversation... why not discuss your concerns with him?