is it possible to have found the love of my life at 19?

[youngjulia]

alright, so i have been dating this guy for about 8 months now, and he is completely amazing. i knew even when we were just friends that we would somehow end up together at some point and after a month of knowing him he told me he had strong feelings for me and we have been dating ever since. i'm 19 and he is 22. i've been in love before when i was even younger but i feel like i have this time is real. this boy that i am with now, drew, is amazing. after only 3 months together he told me he loved me and i told him i loved him. he is the only person i have ever had sex with (our sex is amazing) and i fantasize about marrying him all the time, and when i think about how it would feel if we ever break up it makes me want to cry. anyways, my question is- do you think that at only 19 years old i'm old enough to even know what real love is? am i thinking to much of this relationship already? i'm also worried that i'm just thinking this way because if i ever break up with him i will never find anything better, even though he is really amazing. anyways i'm just really confused at this point and need some outside opinions, thanks!

[Newcomer]

You know, I feel the exact same way. I'm in the exact same shoes. I'm 19, and he's 21. He tells me he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, and I can see it. The reason sex is amazing is because it has meaning behind it. I definitely agree.... I'm not sure if it's possible to know real love this young.

[finewine]

Love is so much more than sexual combustibility. You can know love that young. A question to ask yourself is this: Are my thoughts about me and how he makes me feel? Are my thoughts about him and his higher good?

If it is your first experience with sex, the hormones and emotions can be overpowering.
Take your time. If it is meant to be, you will have your whole life ahead of you. Get to know each other's mind and spirit, values, dreams, thoughts etc... sex alone will not make a long term relationship.

Sometimes what we think we have is only an illusion of what we want to think is the reality to meet our needs and desires at the time and is not the true reality.
Have reality checks frequently to test the emotions with your intellect and look clearly at the answers your mind tells you about the emotions your heart is feeling.

[youngjulia]

wow, thanks finewine, your words ring really true and i gotta say that the questions you posed really gave me something to think about. I was worried that since he was my first sexual encounter that that might cloud my judgement, and of course it is not all about the sex. he has never even made me come (not for lack of trying) the thing that makes our sex so amazing is the closeness we feel to each other during. i love him so much and want the world for him, and sometimes i find that the times i know i love him the most is when we have a small fight over something and it hurts me so much to know i have hurt him, even by accident. i know i just have to take this day by day and not worry too much about the future....i hate to think of a day when i would look in his eyes and the love is gone. but for now all i can think of is today and that today he loves me and i love him and that is enough.

[Newcomer]

You know, I was talking to one of my friends about this last night. I was saying how amazing he is to me but since I've never had a boyfriend before, I really didn't know any other way. She told me that there might be someone better out there. There always is. But... if I keep thinking that way, I will never be happy. So, I think the best thing to do is to just live life day by day and see where it leads you.

[WallyLlama]

Interesting... "there might be somebody better..." raises several questions:

1. How do you define "better?" More money? Bigger dick? More romantic? Taller? Shorter?

2. How do you know when it's time to stop looking? There are billions of people in the world...

See, I think we get this backwards. If we "have" someone that we feel a big connection to... and that someone feels the connection to us... why not just work on gettting "better" together.

One reason that approach makes sense is that our needs and wants are going to change, so the perfect mate today won't be the perfect mate tomorrow.

The perfect mate just might be the person who loves you as much as you love him or her. The rest is just working out the details. (And they will sometimes be work, so don't minimize them. But your perfect partner means there will be two of you working on them.)

And yes, I think it's entirely possible to figure that out at 19. But one of the biggest dangers is falling in love with the relationship and the idea of being in love -- not really the person. What do you fantasize about besides marrying him? Can you see yourselves problem solving together? Supporting each other? Taking care of each other and yourself for the other? Finding the answers to these and other questions together?

[Newcomer]

Well, by better I mean someone that treats me better, someone that I connect even better with.
I definitely see us problem solving together... we already do. And we already support each other. I mean, he works 80 hours a week so we don't really have any other choice. I've been really sick lately, and he's gotten up at 4am to go to the emergency room with me.
So, he's definitely someone I can see myself being with for a while.