Can fast be OK?

[ChrisB]

OK, well I need some advice. I'm 16 year old male who has had no experience with relationships prior to this one I'm in right now.

First off, let me start by saying that I've never been one to consider a relationship to be a casual thing. I've never had any interest in having a relationship just for sexual activities, I've only really considered a real, emotional relationship worth the effort that goes into them. Because of this view, I haven't exactly been looking for a relationship either, but one happened to come along.

I started hanging out with a new group of friends this year, and we became pretty close pretty fast. We're a pretty tight knit group, but thats beside the point. One girl in the group and I gradually became closer and closer friends. We got to the point where we were saying I love you in an almost family manner, to show that we cared about each other. Well, it continued down that road, and the "I love you"s came to mean more and more... and we showed a mutual interest in being more to each other. After talking about it(we talk about a lot, we're very open that way), we decided that we would give it a try.

Due to distance(nothing big, just enough to be an annoyance, as we can't drive yet), I mostly see her at school. Well, when we decided to give it a shot, we got closer physically, just at school. Cuddling rose, things like that. I was OK with that, even though I'd had no experience with stuff like that, I was comfortable with her, and it came pretty easy, despite the fact that I'm a reserved person and it took some effort to get into it. Sometimes it's hard for me to put my arm around her, as mcuh as I want to, but thats mostly because I tend to clam up when adults are around, just the way I am.

Well... one week into it, I stay the night at her house. (No, no sex, not that fast.) We watched some movies, and just spent a lot of time on her bed together... And we got really close really easily. In 24 hours I went from never having made out with a girl, to having my first hand job done. Had we more time, I might have returned the favor. It was comfortable, it came pretty naturally, she had to push a bit(she's had a lot more experience with the physical aspects of this), but it came as naturally as one could expect.

We care a lot about each other, but I'm just worried that my ability to push my comfort level will be outpaced, and I don't want it ruined because of that. I'm in the fast pace of this, the conections will be forgotten. I know that physical stuff means more to her than it does to me, but I'm also worried that I won't be able to keep up with what she needs. I have no experience with this, and I'm unsure about how this all ties together. I plan on talking to her next chance we get, and maybe holding off from anything more than making out for a while(not sure on this one, mostly because it came easily), but I wanted some outside opinions.

[Lass]

Talk to her. If you believe your relationship's foundations are being threatened by how fast you're going, tell her and then slow down.

You don't want to do something you'll regret later.

[wifey]

it sounds like you care for her and i agree with lass, talk to your girlfriend because if she cares about how you feel she'll respect your wanting to wait etc.

i mean sex is a wonderful thing, but if it doesn't feel right you might not appreciate it as much.

just to back up the "regret" part. my boyfriend wanted to wait having sex until marriage but got seduced by his previous girlfriend when under influence of alcohol. he was 17 at the time, just in case you were wondering. it is hard for us to turn down a temptation especially with the person we really like. to cut the long story short, he regrets not being stronger enough to resist that temptation. i mean yes we have sex now and it's lovely but the burden of it being outside marriage is still over us. it's just that once you have a taste for something you didn't know before it's difficult not to crave it. my friend compared sex to chocolate once. she said: "it's like chocolate - if you've never tried it you don't want it, but once you've tried it how can you say - no no not this time especially if it's your favourite flavour."

so my advice is go what your sobber state of mind tells you to...of course if you do get seduced don't be hard on yourself either!

[ChrisB]

Alright, thanks for the advice guys... I was gonna talk to her in any case, and I guess I need to relax about it a bit too, just enjoy it for what it is.

[nursefluffykins]

Reading your post Chris, its almost hard to believe that you are only 16, good for you for being able to express yourself with such insight at a relatively young age... yah definitely talk to your gf, she needs to understand your point of view... as u need to understand hers.. does she want to move quickly because she thinks thats what u want, or that its what society expects these days...? Does she think sex automatically makes 2 people closer? Sex really is a beautiful thing, but it can also be ackward and meaningless if not under the right conditions... Just my personal opinion here, but make sure she understands that you are attracted to her if thats the case, it could be hard on her psychologically if she thinks that u find her unattractive, body image is so fragile at that age, and well most ages really

I waited almost a year before having sex with my first bf (was like a week before my 18th bday... im 26 now tho lol).. anyway, we were both ready at that point (well it was both our first time, for you i believe u mentioned she is not a virgin, that is something to explore there), ... anyway what im trying to say is that at that point we were both ready and it was amazing... not like in a freaky porn style kind of way, but you know because of how close we felt at the time, we were both comfortable and excited to take that next step together, we were aware of the responsabilities/consequences that come along with it... so the first time wasnt the best physically speaking, it takes time usually to know someones body, and we sure had lots of practice in the 3 years we dated afterwards lol ... but it was really special and although im not with him anymore i think our positive first experience helped to make us the (relatively) well rounded people we are today, ...

good luck, fluffy.