Confused...

[Jay Bee]

I know it's long but I just had to get the whole story out and hopefully get some opinions/advice.

Ok, I've been seeing this girl for a month. I had talked to her before about a year ago and tried to go out with her but she she ended up moving 2 1/2 hours away (She tells me now that she only saw me as a friend at the time). Well we didn't talk for a year and then I saw her again and we hung out one night. We started going out after that, she still lives 2 1/2 hours away, goes to school 7 days a week and yet she's driven up to see me every sunday for the past 5 weekends.

All of that sounds good and normal, we have a great time together and when we are apart she tells me that she misses me, really likes me, has thought about me non-stop since the first night we hung out, get's butterflies in her stomach when she's about to see me, and really wants to be with me...

BUT, I have found out from her (female) cousin that she has no idea what she wants. She tells her that she likes me, but then a day later tells her that she's not sure, and possibly only likes me as a friend... Then she drives 2 1/2 hours to see me... (we have been having sex since the 2nd weekend)

Confusing.

When we are together she tells me how wierd it is that we are doing what we're doing because "we used to be friends".. (we never really were) I let it be known that I wanted to be with her as more than a friend, and breached the subject of being "in a relationship" She said she wanted to but was scared and thought we were moving to fast. Unfortunately I didn't listen and pushed the issue basically (in a cute joking way) told her "let's stop the charade, you're my GF, and I'm you're BF " Then as a finished I kissed her and she said nooo, and I kissed her again and said yessss, to which she said yessss you are, and proceded to tell me that she was going to do things that piss me off and test me a lot (which she was already doing, I'll post those after this because the tests make no sense either).

Now, I say it's unfortunate that I pushed it because she left that (monday) morning and haven't talked to her since (4 days) She's doesn't have a cell phone but she's usually with her cousin or her sister and calls from one of thier phones. But her cousin hasn't talked to her since mon either so I have no clue.

-Extremely Confused.

[Jay Bee]

The first test was her (I'll call her 'N') having her cousin call me and tell me that 'N' was talking to and seeing her ex, and has been doing so for the past 2 weeks. That she wasn't supposed to tell me but she just couldn't live with it anymore... Then they called back a few minutes later and told me that it was all a 'joke', that 'N' just wanted to see how I would react. To see if I was just in it to 'hit it' or if I actually cared about her (which I do). 'N' was also in an abusive relationship before and wanted to see if I would flip out. I was obviously upset, but calm, I guess I passed.

The night before I talked to 'N' about being in a relationship she had told me that she was coming to see me with her cousin, but her cousin had to watch thier grandparents because thier other cousin who usually watches them had to go out of town. On the way to see me her cousin called and said that 'N' would probably be late because the grandparents would want to visit with her for awhile, whatever. (She showed up 4 hours later) So in the morning 'N' tells me that her cousin didn't actually come up with her and that she just hadn't left yet...

Then a few minutes later she told me that she just wanted to see how I would react and that her cousin actually did come with her... Then a few minutes later she told me "ok, ok, she isn't here, she didn't come with me".......

I rolled over in bed and pretended to be upset (but obviously not actually upset), and tried to get her to make up for it but she wouldn't bite, and after talking to her cousin it sounds like she actually was here...

I don't get it.

[Lackadaisical]

No offense or anything, but with these "tests" it sounds like she has some problems of her own that are way beyond you. Maybe pushing her for a relationship is really a BAD idea right now.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Jay Bee

The first test was her (I'll call her 'N') having her cousin call me and tell me that 'N' was talking to and seeing her ex, and has been doing so for the past 2 weeks. That she wasn't supposed to tell me but she just couldn't live with it anymore... Then they called back a few minutes later and told me that it was all a 'joke', that 'N' just wanted to see how I would react. To see if I was just in it to 'hit it' or if I actually cared about her (which I do). 'N' was also in an abusive relationship before and wanted to see if I would flip out. I was obviously upset, but calm, I guess I passed.

The night before I talked to 'N' about being in a relationship she had told me that she was coming to see me with her cousin, but her cousin had to watch thier grandparents because thier other cousin who usually watches them had to go out of town. On the way to see me her cousin called and said that 'N' would probably be late because the grandparents would want to visit with her for awhile, whatever. (She showed up 4 hours later) So in the morning 'N' tells me that her cousin didn't actually come up with her and that she just hadn't left yet...

Then a few minutes later she told me that she just wanted to see how I would react and that her cousin actually did come with her... Then a few minutes later she told me "ok, ok, she isn't here, she didn't come with me".......

I rolled over in bed and pretended to be upset (but obviously not actually upset), and tried to get her to make up for it but she wouldn't bite, and after talking to her cousin it sounds like she actually was here...

I don't get it.

Dude, here's my two cents:

This girl is completely F-ed up in the head. I assure you that she won't magically change.

What you need to do is the following:

#1 Do not get serious about this girl.

#2 Do not get this girl pregnant.

#3 If you think you can handle #1 and #2, then go ahead and just enjoy the sex while you look for someone else.

[Jay Bee]

Yeah it's been another couple of days and she still hasn't called, so either this is another 'test' of hers, or it's over... either way I think it's pretty much over. As much as I enjoyed spending time with her I just don't need this in my life.

[Jay Bee]

She called me Sat night and said she hadn't called because she was kind of busy. I asked her if it was because she just needed a little break and she said yeah. It seemed like she was uninterested.. and I was less interested than I normally am but when I tried to go she didn't want me to, and wanted to keep talking to me.. Then we talked about her coming up this sunday and she said maybe, but sunday came and went and she didn't come, or call.. She's kind of inconsiderate...

I had my hopes up for a second, but now I just don't know, I'd like to say I really don't care, and that's what I'm trying to act like... but we'll see.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by Jay Bee

She called me Sat night and said she hadn't called because she was kind of busy. I asked her if it was because she just needed a little break and she said yeah. It seemed like she was uninterested.. and I was less interested than I normally am but when I tried to go she didn't want me to, and wanted to keep talking to me.. Then we talked about her coming up this sunday and she said maybe, but sunday came and went and she didn't come, or call.. She's kind of inconsiderate...

I had my hopes up for a second, but now I just don't know, I'd like to say I really don't care, and that's what I'm trying to act like... but we'll see.

I'll reiterate my 3 rules about her:


#1 Do not get serious about this girl.

#2 Do not get this girl pregnant.

#3 If you think you can handle #1 and #2, then go ahead and just enjoy the sex while you look for someone else.


Seriously, she is a complete mess and she is not going to change. If she had the least amount of respect for you, she would behave quite differently. NOBODY should consider a serious relationship with this girl.

[Friden]

Dude, just end it with her man. If someone was doing that to me and I really did care for her, I couldnt deal with it. She shouldnt be "testing" you. What do you need to be tested for? You arent going to cheat on her.
I dont mean to rain on your parade here but maybe she is seeing her ex or someone else and these "tests" are to see how upset you will get if she broke up with you? Shes up to something...

Im with ua322 on this one. She is messed up and it looks like she doesnt care much for you nor has any respect for you. Get rid of her. You dont need/deserve to be treated like this. No girl should do that to you. Shes not worth your time. Move on..

[The1stTriSexual]

I think the tests are very immature, but it sounds like you have the right attitude about it all. I think you need to talk with her, tell her you want to have a mature relationship with her (notice: not her cousin), tell her your concerns about her behaviour (being inconsiderate, etc), and if she can't give that to you, then...do what you feel is best for you.

[pozzolane]

Hmmm...For one thing calling this girl "@@@@ed up" is pretty harsh. She has some issues of trust. This is why a relationship will not work with her as of this moment. This is also why she tests you. Her "tests" seem immature yes, but she may not see it this way. She tells her cousin that she's "unsure" because she is putting up a proverbial wall to protect herself from being hurt. This all center around her inability to trust. Don't make this relationship more than it should be. FRIENDS ONLY. I wouldn't even have physical relations with her. This will only lead to more hurt and confusion allowing her to feel like her actions were justified. People aren't born untrusting. They learn it. She can unlearn it too, but not as your girlfriend. Be a true friend if you care.