msn relationship with guy who lives down hall!

[n_s10]

Okay so im a first year student at university and i live in res. Since October this guy (who lives 3 rooms down) and i have been interested in each other. I didnt date in high school, and we've hooked up every weekend since october, but i never did anything except kiss because i was so nervous and didn't know what i was doing.

Anyways, during the week we would never talk, and he added me to msn and we talked on there for like hours at a time even though he was literally 20 feet away. Then on weekends when we would drink we would talk like normal, hang out, have fun, and then "watch movies". And i kept telling myself that we were both just shy and by this month things would be normal, by x-mas it will be normal, by the time we get back from the break it will be normal, etc, etc. But its not!

It is now almost march and this guy and i literally have an msn relationship and see each other on weekends! he will literally walk past my room, look in a for a second, not say a word, and then get to his room and send "hello" over msn!! it is ridiculous! And he used to always pester me as to why i was so nervous and shy (in the bedroom) and im like maybe when you talk to me in person and in public i'll be willing to do more? so he made a great attempt and things got better up until christmas. and then we went away for the break and came back and its like i had to put in all the effort all over again. And we still have this stupid relationship except its kind of getting worse cause we fight and play games with one another now. We actually didnt talk for a week (and by talk i mean msn) because he said he was "waiting for me to send a message first." So its absolutely ridiculous.

And sometimes i wonder what his intentions are and i wondered if he was using me... but he isnt because its not like i give him the action he probably wants. So i just dont know what is with this kid. To sum up, we live 20 feet away, dont say a word when we walk past each others rooms, talk for hours on msn, never hang out during the day or speak, but fool around a little on the weekends after getting in from the bars... any ideas as to what this kid is up to or looking for?

He always gets mad and starts fights with me when i hang out or dance with my guy friends on the floor at the bar. He gets jealous even though he was the one in the beginning who said he didn't want a girlfriend and liked how things were with us.

[ua322]

In short, if you're happy with that situation then proceed. But it's fairly obvious that you're not happy with it, so ditch him and focus on guys who live in reality.

[WallyLlama]

Sounds like he's got you "compartmentalized" and you're not particularly happy with the compartments you are in?

Break out. You might accept the fact that you are as "guilty" as he is for allowing the current situation.

Send him and IM, get him chatting and then say, "This is ridiculous. You are right down the hall, I'm coming over."

Don't make it so complicated. Doesn't matter so much what he's looking for as it does what you are looking for.

[dancingdoc2]

I agree with all of the above.

> Send him and IM, get him chatting and then say, "This is ridiculous. You are right down the hall, I'm coming over."

Or, the next time you see him walking by and looking in, motion for him to enter. Better yet, jump up, run over, and grab on and pull him in and invite him to sit. Whatever works, including walking 20' to his room. The idea is to transition into a relationship that is based in the real world and not cyberspace. Talk with him much as you have done with us on the forum and ask what he wants or expects from this relationship. If he says he wants to date you, then tell him you expect him to ask you out and have been waiting.

Jealousy is an indication for lack of self confidence or trust. If you do begin dating, explain to him that even if you dance with other men or talk to other men, you are in fact in a relationship with him (because you want to be) and a healthy relationship leaves room for communication and activities with others, both men and women. It is unhealthy for either party to expect or demand that when becoming a "couple" it is to the exclusion of all others. This is asinine, immature, and juvenile behavior and it demonstrates a lack of coping skills to become mad upon seeing you interact with others, socially. These qualities are often the seeds of abuse. Before you can go very far in developing a meaningful relationship with this guy he has to come to terms with his lack of self esteem and trust. In other words, he needs more maturity. These are things he has to be up close and personal to understand and begin work on, not twenty feet away. When he begins dealing with these matters, he can be twenty feet away.

Once you begin meeting face to face during the week and you learn what he wants and he understands what you expect from him behaviorially, then you can decide whether or not to invest more of your time and effort. It is my experience that guys with these insecurities are not good catches unless and until they grow up a lot more. (Maybe you need to walk the hallway(s), peak into some rooms, and see who might be a better match for you thirty or more feet away or on a different floor or dorm.)