Help

[blooms]

aright here's the situation:

Friday i'm going to my friends high school dance and i'm friends wit some people there but i don't have the "balls" to ask anybody to dance. There's alot of girls i always look at and say to myself "damn i'd want to be dancing with that" but i never get the courage to. Some of those girls i don't know and the ones that i do know i don't know personally. I'm a freshman in high school so can anybody around my age give me some tips on what would work? i'm in no way shape or form an attractive guy i mean i'm athletically fit but i will be the first to say i'm not good to look at in the face. Any advice?

[dancingdoc2]

I am way older than you and have many more miles under my feet.

I am also a Ballroom dancer and instructor.

At your age, many girls are into looks, yet believe it or not when it gets right down to dancing with a guy, the more mature of them are more interested in your personality and interaction with them than your looks.

I frequently dance with people I have never met until asking them for a dance. I also have a group of friends and acquaintances that I regularly dance with. These people were strangers at first, also.

> but i don't have the "balls" to ask anybody to dance.

You have two and it only requires one. Think of the other as a backup. You just have to use them for things other than what they are primarily intended for. I fully understand the "fragile male ego" yet if you want to ask a girl to dance or to go out with you, you have to take a deep breath, face possible rejection, and simply walk up to her with a smile--and say: "may I have this dance?" Extend your hand if appropriate and see where it leads you. If she replies with a yes then you are in. If she says no, then smile, thank her and say perhaps another time-- and, move on to the next girl in line. The first time you ask may be terifying, the second, not so much, and by the third or fourth time you ask someone, it will be commonplace.

I hope this is of help. Got questions?

[blooms]

no thank u that was helpful

[paz]

as a girl (i'm 22, but guys still have this dilemma at our age), i stop caring what you look like if you want to dance with me, seem to be having fun, and want me to be having fun too. i love it when a guy is confident and just wants to have a good time. i would honestly prefer to dance with a guy like that than someone who looks like an abercrombie model but just wants to touch my ass.

so go for it. smile, be confident, and have fun.

[dancingdoc2]

What she said......
Thanks, Paz.

Dancingdoc

[blooms]

aright ya but uhh gurlz my age unfortunately rn't that mature yet so r there ne ways around it or make it more comfortable for me to ask?

[paz]

first. there are indeed girls like myself in your age group. you just kind of have to pick us by sight. i'm attractive, cute, have friends, but I don't necessarily wear sexy clothes or hang out with the "cool" kids. at the risk of focusing on appearances, they can tell you a little about the person. look for girls who, like yourself, look like they're just there to have fun, hang out with friends, and really enjoy dancing. and maybe try to focus on girls who you have noticed are dancing with more than one person.

here is kind of a layout of some dancing habits of girls:

1. the all-girl group dance. this is when a group of female friends (maybe 3 or 4) dance together in kind of a circle. sometimes if you try to move in on them, they'll get tighter together. this means "we just want to dance with each other and no one else, thanks". sometimes, however, they'll break off if they notice you joining in. obviously, go ahead and dance with one (or two or more). dances (and girls) are a lot about reading cues.

2. the "I'm here to find a boyfriend." usually these girls will see dancing as simply a way to allure a guy. they will be dancing a little more provacatively, maybe hanging out with a lot with guys, maybe sticking with just one. try to avoid these.

3. the wallflower. they're a tough bunch because they usually want to dance, but they're not very self-confident so they need a little coaxing. it might be best to just chat with them for a while before even mentioning dancing.

4. the rest. there will be girls there, i promise, who just want to dance. there's got to be. they'll be on the dance floor most of the time and not with any particular partner. just move in and see what develops.

The thing about dances is that there isn't a whole lot of actual "asking". If you want to dance with someone, you generally just dance near them and then keep getting closer until they either move in or move away. if the latter happens, don't be discouraged, many girls just prefer to dance with their friends.

When you're not on the dance floor, just chat with then girls. Girls love to be listened to, so ask them questions and genuinely listen to what they say and of course share a little about yourself too. they might even end up doing the asking.

man, this was the longest post ever. i apologize if i got long winded. but this stuff can be complicated, so I hope some of it helps. good luck

[blooms]

yes that really did help thanks and ill think about all that if i can remember all of it ha...and yes ur right there are alot of girlz there that i know that are going jus to have fun

[moose_hd]

Originally Posted by paz

2. the "I'm here to find a boyfriend." usually these girls will see dancing as simply a way to allure a guy. they will be dancing a little more provacatively, maybe hanging out with a lot with guys, maybe sticking with just one. try to avoid these.

Why should this type be avoided?

(BTW, I found this post to be immensely informative! Thanks!)

[paz]

i didn't mean that they should be avoided in general. i just meant in the poster's case since he just wanted to know how to ask girls to dance, trying to ask that type of girl to dance is pretty hard so if he's nervous, he should stick with the more approachable girls. certainly the "boyfriend girls" should be approached if your aim is to be a prospective boyfriend.