possible distance problem

[Horizon]

how do people deal with long distance relationships?
i am one of those people that really need the person there to hold me, and if they are hours away they obviously cant do that.

worried right now because i might be moving quite a ways away for school. i want to go for environmental snc but the school (augustana) is 4 hours away so i wont be able to come back except on holidays, maybe some weekends.

i dont want to leave my boyfriend OBVIOUSLY but i wont give up on my program because its someting i really want to do for my future, a future that im hoping so much that hes a part of.

so i might have to try long distance for a while. i will try. i will never stop trying but i have to worry about his feelings changing, or him finding someone else that can be there with him unlike me.

i love him. i dont want to loose him. we've been together for almost 7 months now and i dont want all that to disppear

my friend asked me if he would come with me. but everything he knows and has is here, his friends, job, family.

any tips on how to do long distance relationships?

[Lass]

I'm in a long distance relationship, have been from the very beginning. They're not easy and despite what some people say, they don't get easier with time.

Trust and communication are the main keys. If you're miles away from your guy and worrying about what he MAY be doing or WHO he might be falling in love with while he's dateing you, it's only going to drive you insane in the end. I know, I've been there. I'm not saying don't worry: Lord knows no man is perfect. But if you trust him and believe he'd never do it, have the fear but shove it to the back of your mind so that if the need ever does arrive to have it, it's there and the entire fear didn't catch you off guard. Talk to him as much as you can, reassure him you love him and that none of your feelings for him as changed. If you're having a day where you really miss him, tell him. Or a crappy day, tell him. Act as if the miles aren't between you and he's sitting on the couch next to you asking you how your day went.

That's the first thing I recommend. Every day when my guy calls me the first thing he says is,"How as your day?" or "What all happened today babe?" and I ask him the same questions. It's the first thing we say to each other and then we go into detail about what happened to us, no matter if it was a crappy or good day.

I'm sure there's more advice I could give but that's all I can think of for right now. lol.

I hope I've helped in some way. If you want more personal advice just PM me.

[Lonewolf*]

I'm in the same thing. I should be going 5 hours away this fall.
And I'm one of those people that needs them physically, and I think hes the same way so dont know how this is going to work not being able to see him.

[The1stTriSexual]

Lass has good advice, another thing is that you could get each other a promise ring. And a 4 hour drive is still better than a 3 hour airplain ride, so take advantage of that.

[Lass]

I'm one of those physical people as well--I love nothing more then to be in his arms. But I've always believed not having them there all the time also creates some sort of deep bond.

I don't know how to explain my reasoning, but I've always looked at it that way. And you get to know the person better really. Like I can tell even the slightest change in his voice when something is wrong, and I mean I can do it when we're in person but I don't know...I have a thing for voices apparently. lol

[Lonewolf*]

Thats true, I do understand that (the deeper bond). And I talked to him and he said the most comforting words and basically that we'll make it work.

[Horizon]

didnt go as well with me. hes not too happy abuot me going away. but i dont know if that means hes willing to try to make it work or not.

[Lass]

Just talk to him. That's all you really can do. Let him tell you how he feels and then you tell him how you feel. If it's something you can't get past....its just something you can't get past.

I myself am hoping my boyfriend and I can make it through him going into the Marines in 6 years, if not having to deal with yet another split in a few years with college.

[WallyLlama]

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) are tough. But the benefits of them can be huge as well - a lot depends on your focus and how you approach them.

The biggest test LDR gives you is how well you can communicate and work together as a couple. If you "pass" that test you'll find that your communication skills and ability to "work together" improves by leaps and bounds.

Obviously, it starts with an agreement that you both WANT to maintain the relationship, even if it must be over a distance. Once you have that agreement, you start looking at HOW you are going to do it and what the issues are.

One example: LDRs require huge amounts of trust. If you've had jealousy problems, you can expect them to increase unless you figure out how to manage them together.

There are entire sites dedicated to LDRs and I'd recommend you poke around some... both for ideas and to see what issues other couples have experienced. The two most common mistakes I see in LDRs are a failure to communicate openly and honesty and a tendency to focus on what's missing instead of what you have.

From personal experience... if you both commit and stay focused on that commitment you can make it work. You don't "try" it. You realize that having him or her is a thousand times more important than where he or she is located. And when the going gets tough (it will), you remember that commitment and why you made it.