What should I do?

[starjim]

I have been seeing this girl off and on for about a month or so. I am 17 and so is she. We both go to the same school and like each but she always talks about her old boyfriends and thats really a turn off for me. Then the other day right before a dance where i was going to ask her out to make it official she starts talking about one of my friends and how she just found out that he has liked her but never said anything. This friend of mine smokes weed alot and she doesnt really like that - until the other day his parents caught him so he's gonna quit "he says" so she is stuck in between me or him even though i've been with her and have know her longer. she thinks i would be a better choice but still she doesnt know what to do.

Should I even consider trying to keep this relationship alive? I like this girl alot I can't stop thinking about her at times but ofcourse she doesn't feel the same way if she can't choose between me or this stoner

[dancingdoc2]

Oh, I would attempt to keep the relationship alive if this is your choice and hers; however, you have described one great reason why kids your age should not date exclusively. Simply, that you eliminate the trauma and heartache and emotional entanglements. My recommendation is to casually date her and others for a couple of years and give everyone time to mature some more.

[pozzolane]

I agree whole heartedly with 'doc' on this one. She and you both need a lot of self discovery and maturing before you should date. She doesn't seem to know what she wants at all. And I don't think at 17 you would either. I'm not trying to be mean I'm just trying to be very honest. Have fun with your friends! Cause as you mature and start becoming an adult in the real world the window of opportunity to do so gets smaller and smaller. You'll have plenty of time later to fall in love with a mature woman who knows what she wants.

[starjim]

ok so i tryed to keep it going but... she starts talking to this other alot more then me... and she got back into smoking without me even knowing. She cares alot about my opinion and everything i have to say but idk what im gonna do now. she kind of just ruined everything. I could care less if she smokes just as long as she doesnt do it around me but she is really confused and so am i. its probably over.

[nikkijz]

I also agree with all of the above. I never dated during high school and I think it is the best decision I had ever made, it gave me time to mature. I've heard lots of stories about conflicts that come about when partners are going down separate roads. At least at this point you have time to experiment to find out what you like, giving you the opportunity to enjoy life before getting tied down in a relationship. You are only 17...party it up

[WallyLlama]

Sorry... but caring about someone as long as they don't do certain things around you isn't going to work. Relationships are best when they are based on some common values.

She likes weed.

You don't.

I'd say you don't have much of a future together at this point, really. Date her if you want, but don't bother getting too involved.

As has been suggested, one of the benefits of being young is that you don't have to get tied down - to either a person or a lifestyle. Until she figures out who she is and who she wants to be, you can't be sure who you are dating.