comments? opinions?

[pozzolane]

Last year I started dating this girl. We dated for about a month or so (but we had know each other for about 3 months as friends first) before we broke up because she had left for the summer break and didn't want a long distance relationship. We still talked every now and then for about a year. I've dated a couple of others since but I would still think about her. Well I was at a bar last weekend because I've been seeing this other girl, and she had a beer night there, and this girl that I dated a year ago but still have some feelings for was there too. And she saw me with this new girl. I don't really have feelings for this new girl at all. She's nice but there seems to be no chemistry. I'm gonna stop seeing her (I had already decided that before that night...or thought about it anyways). So anyway, after seeing me with the new girl a week later she calls me up to ask me to come over and watch a movie with her. Half way through the movie she suddenly says "Do you wanna fool around?" (those weren't her exact words) but she propositioned me outright. Then she said "I know we can't date but I'd really like to make out with you". (the reason why she thinks we can't date is because I'm graduating college this year and will be moving about 5 hours away...so another long distance thing) But I get the feeling that she still has some feelings for me too. We ended up hooking up that night. but the next day I told her I felt guilty cause I still like her and that I don't want anything weird to happen to us. She agreed that we shouldn't make a habit of hooking up. but I said I wanted to talk about possibly getting back together. Nothing real serious but to see what happens. I told her that I was willing to try a LD relationship next year if she was. my question is: Am I doing the right thing? should I pursue her? or just let her go and chalk up everything that happened as just some ex-sex. She had to go and didn't have time to have a long talk about it. But she told me that she wants to discuss it. I really like this girl still. And would love to have another shot at a relationship with her. even if it seems to be bad timing again. any comments?

[dancingdoc2]

Yes.

I am a strong advocate of dating and dating lots of people in order to learn what humanity has to offer and then narrowing the field down to just a couple and eventually to one. Dating and stopping with one person just does not make sense and particularly so during the teen years.

I recommend that you just play the field and spend a year or two dating nonexclusively. If you want, continue to have a long distance connection with this person yet when you move consider that you will also want to establish connections with people up close and personal where you can have so called "hands on" relationships.

You stand a much better chance of finding Ms Right the more people you date and learn about. The more people you date, the more chance of having someone to do things with when you want company for a movie, dance, dinner, game, travel, sporting activity, etc. So, even though you are nearly ready to begin life on your own you also need to really cement being an autonomous adult. Taking the time to learn about different people by dating gives you a much better handle on what is important in a potential mate that you just don't learn about when you stop at the first warm body who returns a smile.

[pozzolane]

Hey thanks for your comment. I probably should have stated my age though. I'm 22 years old and she's 21. since we broke up last year when she left for the summer I have been dating non-exclusively. In the last 3 years I think I've dated/gone out with about 8 different women...maybe more. So I have done the "year or two of non-exclusive dating" already. And every woman I was with I just wasn't into that much. And I've dated a few women that seem to have some serious emotional issues too... So now I'm looking for a mature exclusive relationship (even if its not a serious one). So would anyone still think it would be a bad idea to try to start a relationship now when I'll probably only be here for another 3 months?

[dancingdoc2]

Yes.

From my observations, long distant relationships mainly work only after a couple have been together and established a life like when a guy is in the service. Why begin a relationship if you are not going to be around for the care and feeding of it?

[pozzolane]

Yeah I see your point. In one way its not "just starting" the relationship cause now we've known each other for a little over a year. But on the other hand we havn't dated since then either. Its not a for sure thing that I will be moving away. I havnt' actually received the job offer yet. But its a big possibility (the company had flown me there for an interview and everything so I know they're serious...) I'm not really hung up on dating her. or having to date her. But so far of all the women I have ever met she is by far, in my eyes, the one I've liked the most. thanks for your replies.

[WallyLlama]

Just want to throw in one thought... LDR relationships can be hard, but the rewards are equal to the hardships - if you both can and want to make it work.

That said, I'd worry less about the distance and more about what you both want. If you both want an occasional roll in the sack, so be it. Don't try to make it more than it is, that will NOT work -- long distance or otherwise.

There is no "perfect time" to start a relationship. But you will find time for a relationship that you both think could be "perfect."

[pozzolane]

Thanks very much for your comments Wally. I've always had high respect for your thoughts and posts. I really agree with everything you said. And thats exactly why I really do want to give a LD relationship a shot. But like I told her, she has to want it too. She said she wants to discuss it. So now I'm just waiting for her to initiate the next contact for our "discussion". I'm not in love with this girl. But I like her a lot. And I would really like to find out if I could be in love with her in the near/somewhat distant future.

[adam]

So, you're graduating college at the end of June (possibly earlier, but end of June is the end of the school year 'round these parts) and then moving away... hmm....

The way I see it, there's no point in not at least trying a relationship for the time being. Why not enjoy what little time you have left to spend together? If the relationship works out, you'll both have had a great couple of months and you may consider trying to make a long distance relationship work. Or you may agree to both be open to meeting other people while away from each other and see what happens. If the relationship doesn't work out, then you'll at least won't think about the "what if's" while you're away at college and regretting not trying something out.

[pozzolane]

Hi Adam. Thanks for your thoughts. That's the way I kinda look at it too. Here I'm finished at the end of april. but we still have 3 months. And we've been friends since after the first break-up (which was a year ago) and I know we both have feelings for each other because she's not the type of person to call someone up to hang out then fool around with them if she didn't feel anything. So I'm hoping that her heart is where mine is right now. Willing. But I'll do what anyone does in this situation. Expect the bad hope for the good.

Cheers

P