What to do?

[buddyboy]

Hi. My friend showed me this place and this is my second post.

I have been dating my girlfriend since last summer. We started getting it on during the holidays and she was the first to do it orally which surprised me and has given me much pleasure since. It took me a while to return the favor mostly cuz I was afraid of messing up but now I wonder why it took me so long. She tells me she likes what I do and I tell her the same cuz shes really good. We're both in college and we get together about three times a week when my two roomies are out.

Here's my problem or maybe two. She said last night she didn't like or respect guys who jack off when they're getting it regularly and would consider breaking up if she found out her man was doing it. Well, I'm a guy right and I have stresses that have to be released so I jack off once or twice most days. I try to hold off when I know we're going to hook up but even if I don't and jack off in the morning it never seems to hurt what we do at night.

If she doesn't like that what do you think she would do about this. I had a threesome with one of my roomies and his friend shortly after starting to see this girl. They had a couple of gay videos that we watched and got caught up in and we jacked each other off and stuff mostly out of curiosity. We've done it two other times since last summer so its not like its a regular thing and I'm not sure if it will ever happen again. My question isn't whether I'm gay cuz I know I'm not. I want to be honest but I don't want to take a chance of her braking up with me now that we're really serious about each other. It's not like she asked me if I jack off and I sure as hell wasn't going to tell her either. Anybody know what I should do?

[adam]

I think your girlfriend's attitude is extremely unhealthy. Masturbation should not be limited to the realm of horny 15 year old males who otherwise have no form of getting off. It is a normal and healthy practise (either alone or with your girlfriend) that not only feels great, but relieves stress and has been shown to reduce prostate cancer. Just because you have sex 3 times a week with your girlfriend doesn't mean that you shouldn't be allowed to wank off. It's not a form of cheating and it doesn't impede your sexual performance. IMO, it's a bad idea to try and continue the relationship with this girl, because she'll find out sooner or later and that would probably be worse. Trying to suppress a lie for short term benefit has never, in my experience worked out. Let your girlfriend know that you masturbate regularly and have no intention of stopping, but also let her know that you (or her) masturbating need not be an affront to the relationship. Also let her know that she's welcome to help you in the fun (if you catch my drift).

To answer your second question, you probably aren't gay. A good male friend of mine is gay, and when talking with him about the subject, told me that he had known his entire life that he was gay but tried to suppress it. This is a common theme among many gay men - they get married, have kids, and realize after 15 years they just can't live with themselves any more.

Male-male mutual masturbation certainly isn't as rare as you'd think. Apparently, it happens quite often (www.jackinworld.com did some survey a while ago about the topic and it should still be up there somewhere). I, for one, wouldn't be into it, but each to their own. The bottom line is, you know that you're not gay and that's what matters.

[buddyboy]

Thnx Adam, I needed that. I was kinda thinking along those lines myself but thought I'd wait to tell her hoping she'd mellow after growing up some.

[adam]

Waiting a little bit isn't a bad idea. But if you find that she doesn't mellow out at all after bringing the subject up again, why bother? There will be other girls out there who have a more realistic attitude about masturbation.

[dancingdoc2]

Your girlfriend's attitude is misguided and is the result of being insecure about her self and her place in the relationship. This sometimes happens when a girl/woman is in a relationship and doesn't have m/any previous experiences to fall back upon. Being in love, she wrongly believes that when the two of them begin to express their love physically that the man's need to masturbate is no longer justified. What she does not understand is that the male of the species has another reason to masturbate that is separate and apart from what happens when having an orgasm with the woman he loves.

Women handle stresses differently than men. Whether a particular guy masturbates several times a day, once, once every other, or a few times a week, it all comes down to relieving pent up stress and sexual tension. The two reasons for experiencing an orgasm are different and this is what every girl or woman must come to understand. That her man will make love with her and then ~four hours later jack off in the privacy of the bathroom have nothing in common except for the actual orgasm that results. The latter is not to be seen as an afront to the love he expresses, or that there is something wrong or inadequate about how she expresses hers. I'll say this, again. Having an orgasm within the framework of a couple expressing the love they have for each other has no connection to a guy masturbating in order to reset his body's nervous system and relieving the stresses and tensions that accumulate on an ongoing basis. So, while the resulting orgasms are the same, the reasons for generating them are entirely different.

I think if you work with your girlfriend and enlighten her about this particular "fact of life" she will become more comfortable with this and not take the fact that you masturbate as a personal failure with respect to her being able to satisfy you emotionally as well as physically. The two are mutually exclusive acts.