Long Distance

[Liriel620]

My boyfriend and I have known eachother for years through an online gaming community and their forums. Normally I'm not interested in meeting people online let alone maintaining a long distance relationship, but seven months ago we started to get to know eachother better, talked every night, and discussed not seeing other people until we could meet in person and see where it takes us. We met over New Years, just three weeks ago, fell in love ridiculously so, and had sex for the first time (it was both of our firsts, too) near the end of the trip.

Since I've been home, most of our conversations revolve around sex and the last few nights we've been trying out phone sex. This doesn't make me uncomfortable, infact I initiate it most of the time... but I worry that we're doing it too much. I don't want our relationship to rely too heavily on this. *Especially* because he lives 2,000 miles away and we won't be able to change that distance for another two years.

So can too much sex be a problem? What can I do to avoid it?

[Lass]

I'm in the same boat as you but only to a point.

My boyfriend only lives about 40 minutes away from me--not 2,000--and we've been going out for about 7 months. I'm not sure how long you and your boyfriend have been going out..did you start going out at New Year's when you met in person? My boyfriend and I as well met online (via a 3rd party member).

NO, sex should not be the only driving force in your relationship though. When my boyfriend and I did started having sex and we'd end up doing it every time we saw each other (we see each other every weekend for the most part) it scared me and I, too, thought we were having sex too much. And yes, we do the phone sex as well.

I suppose at first it can seem like sex is the main part of the relationship...but talk to him about it, get his feelings on it. He may be feeling the same way but doesn't know how to bring it up to you. The distance will put some strain but don't look at sex as a stick sticking out of your relationship...its a part of your relationship. It's an intimate way you both show each other you love each other. It's not hte only way you can show you love each other, but it's a way.

I hope I helped.

[Liriel620]

"..did you start going out at New Year's when you met in person?"

Well, that's kind of hard to answer. We didn't call eachother boyfriend and girlfriend until we met because we wanted to make sure the chemistry was as good in person as it was online and over the phone... but for the seven months that led up to our meeting, we were very close.

As for the sex, I'm not really worried about it anymore... I'm just not used to having such a sex drive. And a girl friend of mine said it might be the hormones in the birth control, too, which I've just started taking.

I did a *lot* of thinking today, and when it comes down to it... Bringing our relationship to a physical level is new and exciting... and as long as it's not the *only* thing we ever want to do, we're ok. Good to keep this all in mind though...

Lass, if you don't mind me asking, how long have you guys been dating now? Have the urges slowed down a little? And does the phone sex work for you guys? Sometimes it's more frustrating for me... And yes, you have helped. Just knowing I'm not alone is such a help. Thanks. (:

[Lass]

As of the 15th of Feb we will have been going out for 7 months. lol and, no, the urges have not slowed down. And yeah, the phone sex works (even my boyfriend said so).

And I can understand the frustrating part.

[ShadowLynnParker]

It is a small world. Absence makes the (Fill in the blank) grow harder.

[Tessie]

Long distance is hard!! I have been doing it for 9 months now and I can't wait for it to be over. We do phone sex about once or twice a week depending on if we can manage to have some time without anyone around. I live right now with my sister and her family and share a room with my daughter so privacy is a big issue.

I agree that sex can't be the only reason for a relationship. It's easy to fall into that when you're doing long distance and want each other so bad, but you have to have other interest or you will quit growing as a couple.

['Stang_86]

I agree, long distance relationships are the worst, I have been separated from my girlfriend for about 6 months.

I am glad you two have found a way to show affection towards eachother, I have yet to convince the gf to try phone sex (or sex itself!). All I can recommend is to you is to talk to eachother about your feelings, and you cant go wrong!

[Crichten]

Im in a situation where i met a girl at a party and liked her straigth away (as far as im concerned she's the best and greatest girl ive met) but, we have a problem or two, Firstly the party was in stafford (about 2 hours drive away) and secondly she had a bf at the time :S which she has now actually broken up with for me.

My normaly mentality with girls has been SEX SEX SEX, this is something that now im that bit older and more mature and i feel i have found someone i want to be with properlly i want to get rid of, now i still have my sex drive but i keep it toned down, and we talk everyday on the phone for howeva long, and we have had phone sex once which was good, and we have had sex as well, but you dont have the have the physical sex to be happy with someone, i dont get it yet i am over the moon about this girl. its all in the personality really.

[WallyLlama]

Long distance relationships are hard, but they do not have to be horrible. One of the positive aspects is that maintaining them requires a lot more than sex!

Relationships are about love, certainly... and communication. Sex is about communication - in a sense, it's another way to communicate. So I'd suggest that an increased sex drive MIGHT reflect a need to communicate deep feelings of love and intimacy.

Of course it might just mean you're horny.

Figuring out which it is can be the hard part!

[RayzorSharp]

I met my Fiancee at a party in Dec 2001, she and I had a "regular relationship" in that we were within 3 miles of each other (and I drive) We made love for the first time in January 2002 so the relationship was "the real deal" She went to University 140miles away that September, so barring the Summer (seven week holiday) Christmas and Easter breaks our relationship has been primarily phone based. (Not phone sex though) Because of our phone calls to each other we understand each other on so many and so deep levels. And when we reunite the sex is explosive too. So a long distance relationship can work, and sometimes it can help just to talk via phone.

She is away as I write this (I haven't seen her since New Year) but we are getting married this August! Also we still talk for an hour every other day on the fone.