She had sex within 2 weeks

[yoyo]

Ok so here is the deal. I have known about this girl for a long time, but have never really gave her the chance of day. About a month before homecoming time, she asked/hinted for me to take her to homecoming, definitly more than once. She definitly seemed interested in me, but once again i told her i didnt know if i would be going to homecoming or not (even though I ended up going with someone else). So she ended up hooking up with another guy and going with him. No big deal. Around homecoming time they broke up and i becoming interested for some reason, maybe because it seemed like she wanted me more than ever. So i gave her a chance and have been with her since. Still no big deal. No doubt she is wanting to get serious but i come to find out she had sex with her "homecoming date" within two weeks of being with him. This is where my problem comes in! We obviously have feelings for each other and everything has been going great, but this is not something to forget about. Is it? Would you want get serious with a girl that has had sex within two weeks of being with a guy!? Dont get me wrong im not calling her a slut, as she has only done things with one other guy and they were together for over a year. But two weeks of being with a guy!? This is something hard to forget, especially when you know she was trying to talk to you around that same time period. Im pretty sure she regrets all of it, but it's still there and it still happend.

What would you do in this situation?

[BigKahuna]

In her defense:
1) It is easy to let a moment take over...
2) Once people become sexually active, a random shag so to speak often becomes a more regular occurence.
3) In regards to number 2, especially so when on the rebound...
4) You had rejected her at that point, so what is it to you?

Here are some things to think about:
Waiting
1) How long is enough in terms of waiting?
2) Why is that long enough, is it possible to take longer or less time to get to that point?
3) If someone's thresholds are lower, does that make them a worse person / not worth being with?

Risks
On the flip side, she's had 2 sexual partners relatively recently, and although that doesn't flag her as a high risk candidate, you may want to consider using protection relgiously (lol, i love that saying) until at least 6 months have past from the last encounter. This measure is more in case of here making a bad judgement, and sleeping with someone that is in a higher risk.

[Jm33]

I agree with Big Kahuna. It isn't wrong that she had sex with her homecoming date... unless you let it come in the way of your relationship with her.

She could have had many reasons why she slept with him and you turning her down could have been one of them. Not trying to place any of the blame on you, of course, her reasons may not have included you at all.

You can always make your own choice whether or not you should continue dating her based on her sexual history, OR based on why you are attracted to her, which is why you should pursue anyone.

Look at it this way, when you get older and dating becomes sporadic, you may not always know for sure how many partners a girl has or whether she had sex with someone else just one hour prior to your date with her. Other people's history may not always be laid on the table for you to scan through and decide if you want to keep going or take a chance. You never know-you could fall in love, if you let yourself.

[WallyLlama]

Simple question, really.

Are you going to love her or hate her past? While the past certainly has an affect on people, they are not their past, they are who they are.

That said, you'll certainly want to explore values and see how much you and she think alike. You are somewhat accusing her of not putting enough value on having sex. She could accuse you of placing too much value on the past.

What would I do?

Work it out, if I thought I loved her.

[yoyo]

Thanks for the reply guys, I think I'm making a pretty big deal about it, but in most guys point of view I think it is a big deal. I guess the whole question is how to forget about it? Which is probably something i would have to do on my own. Or take the other option and run away. Any more suggestions would definitly help! Thanks again.

[WallyLlama]

Admittedly I'm quite sure I'm considerably older, but I would not include myself in the "most guys" group. I still think it ultimately comes down to loving her more than loving what she's done or not done.

You won't be able to forget it, but you can ignore it and stop focusing on it.

One thing that MIGHT help would be talk with her about it... I say "might" because it sounds like your relationship is fairly new and undeveloped - this could be a "hot topic" to deal with... I'd be inclined to suggest setting it aside for a bit and see how your feelings for each other grow.

[dancingdoc2]

These are all very insightful replies.

My recommendation: take the core of each and apply it.

We choose someone based upon how they initially appear and interact with us and then we begin to fall in love with the person's entire "package" if and when all the other qualities and characteristics a person has meld well with our own values and interests. We accept who the person has become from all the good and bad they have experienced in the past. You will be looking a very very long time if you want perfection. So what if a person has a dimple, wrinkle, or stray hair on the chest. When it comes to past experiences, please keep in mind that teens do not always have the ability to see around corners and to understand the consequences of their impulsive behavior. Give each other some slack as you continue to mature and make mistakes along the way to full adulthood. As long as she has learned from her past then I would give the young lady the benefit of your doubt. That said, take her in your arms and express to her how very much you appreciate her in your life.

[ua322]

Originally Posted by yoyo

Ok so here is the deal. I have known about this girl for a long time, but have never really gave her the chance of day. About a month before homecoming time, she asked/hinted for me to take her to homecoming, definitly more than once. She definitly seemed interested in me, but once again i told her i didnt know if i would be going to homecoming or not (even though I ended up going with someone else). So she ended up hooking up with another guy and going with him. No big deal. Around homecoming time they broke up and i becoming interested for some reason, maybe because it seemed like she wanted me more than ever. So i gave her a chance and have been with her since. Still no big deal. No doubt she is wanting to get serious but i come to find out she had sex with her "homecoming date" within two weeks of being with him. This is where my problem comes in! We obviously have feelings for each other and everything has been going great, but this is not something to forget about. Is it? Would you want get serious with a girl that has had sex within two weeks of being with a guy!? Dont get me wrong im not calling her a slut, as she has only done things with one other guy and they were together for over a year. But two weeks of being with a guy!? This is something hard to forget, especially when you know she was trying to talk to you around that same time period. Im pretty sure she regrets all of it, but it's still there and it still happend.

What would you do in this situation?

Okay, I think some of the answers are a bit too serious. You are in high school and have no business worrying about "getting serious".

If you like her then date her and just have fun. I'll pretty much guarantee you that she won't be the "the one". Even though it seems like a big deal now, she'll be nothing but a distant memory for you a few years from now.

So don't build it up into a big deal. And don't get too serious with her or anyone else while in high school.

[yoyo]

Thanks for the input guys.

We have been together for six months now and seems to be going well. It seems like she has been telling the truth about everything and is always there. I have been trying to give her the benifit of the doubt about this whole deal, but really it STILL bothers me! I still very much want to be with her but still i have a problem with the fact of her past. What would you do now? Give it a break, continue trying to put it behind you, or try to let her go considering this may always bother you?

[WallyLlama]

I would ask myself,

"What is wrong with me?"

Seriously, you could look at it that way... she did something once. You on the otherhand are repeating the same mistake over and over. Which is worse?

If you don't "fix" this problem with yourself, you are very likely never going to find the perfect girl... because it's not about the girl; it's about you.

Let it go, not her.