Parental Oversight

[adam]

Hi everyone.

First, let me preface this thread by saying that I'm a 17 year old guy, and I have never dated/kissed/done anything with anyone. Never even came close, and it's not for lack of opportunity, either. This doesn't really bother me a whole lot, as I generally have better things to think about, but let me explain.

I think that the reason I've never dated anyone (or had much of a social life over the last 3 years) is because I've felt so insecure about letting my parents know anything about my life. I have my reasons for this, which I won't bore you lot with, but suffice to say that I would simply like to live my life without having my parents knowing the details.

I'm wondering, since many of you are considerably older and more experienced than I when it comes to dating and having to deal with parents - how do (or did) your parents deal with you dating as a teenager? Were they restrictive (i.e. wanted to know everything, kept you from dating until you were 16, stuff like that), or considerably more relaxed? At what age did you start dating/did your parents start let you dating? And, since this applies to me (parents are fairly religious Catholics) how did your parents' religious beliefs, if any, affect how and who you dated?

Also, if any of you could offer advice, if you were in a situation similar to me, how did you open a dialogue with your parents about dating?

Thanks for any replies in advance. I'd really appreciate it.

[mm99]

My parents were pretty laid back, as long as they knew where i was going, and what i was doing, and what time i was going to be home.. My parents didnt really bother with any other detail.. but u can feel that they are worried about the sex factor so you either tell them ur not, or tell them u are.. but for me my parents never really asked but when they did i told them we were but usuin a condom and all that sorta thing.. plus it helps to have 3 older sisters and 5 older brothers going thru everything that i did.. so my parents were more relaxed,, but u should date and not worry about your parents.. like you said you want to live your life.. you dont have to tell them if you dont want too.. but it helps if you do.. and reasure them that ur not into strickly for sex and that sorta stuff...

[starrystarrygirl]

my mom swore that i'd never date until i was 16, and like my step-dad predicted, i was going to do it anyway.

when i moved in with my grandparents, they teased me about it and didn't really seem to care either way, though they put their foot down when i wanted my boyfriend at the time to stay the night or vice versa, (looking back, i'm thankful they did.) even though they were pretty open about it, i still kept it to myself because mainly i was shy about it and just didn't want to share details. but when i did, i would just start talking about it.

i know/knew quite a few people that didn't tell their parents much about their dating life. i guess it's just one way of changing and growing; getting your own life that doesn't really involve your parents.

[jay-girl]

I started dating my boyfriend when i was about 15...i'm 18 now and we are still together. At first my parents really didnt like the idea that i was "going out" with someone at such a young age and didnt see the point in it. After a while they eased up. I think they saw it was not just a random thing and it was something serious.

About sex and all that...its like don't ask, dont tell in my house. i know my parents would be disapointed (probably angry) if they knew i was having sex. They are also quite religious (catholic) so i know for a fact that their view is "wait until you're married" I choose not to tell them what i do. I waited to have sex until i was 18, and both me and my boyfriend felt that was right. I feel i made the right decision and i really wasnt effected by what my parents thought.

[adam]

Thanks for the great replies, everyone.

Now that you all mention it... I didn't really have sex on my mind when I made the post. That is, I wasn't thinking about my parents asking me about sex. I just wouldn't want them to know that I like the girl.

Ahh... you've made it all the more complex for me.

[xx_tatiana_xx]

I'm an 18 year old girl and I felt pretty weird and embarassed the first few times I even though about admitting to my parents that I liked someone... I'd find it really hard to be touchy feely around my boyfriends at the time (I started dating at 14) and only really recently have found it to be really comfortable. I think it's just growing up and starting to relate to your parents as adults that makes it easier. I have no problem kissing or holding hands with my boyfriend round my parents now because I realise they're both normal sexual human beings as well and when I go out with them and their partners/my boyfriend it just feels like four adults together having a good time.

As for sex and age of dating etc. my parents have always been relaxed about what I did. I was allowed to date whenever I wanted to start, my first boyfriend was at about 14 and they know I have sex and have done with a couple of other guys in the past. My mum's general philisophy is she treats me with respect and knows I can make my own decisions as to what is right for me.

[Crichten]

I think that tatiana's is the same as mine really, my mum is really laid back, and i think the reason she is laid back is because she knows that both me and my sister know what we are doing and what the consequences are, Also we dont really hide it if you know what i mean, its not a taboo subject in my house which i feel is very helpful.

My mum told me and my sister about sex when we were both about 9 and 10, i think (and i agree it is a good idea) she did this so that all the ideas we had about sex were the true and accurate one's, not something that you would pick up from watching TV or listening to what some guy may or may not have done with some girl he met at youth club O-o

[Lass]

My dad swore I wouldn't date until I was 19 (I'm the oldest and dad's little girl) but my first boyfriend was in the 7th grade...didn't last long. I've had, I want to say, about 7 boyfriends since then, and only 2 really serious relationships.

Sex...if my dad knew I was having it now, my boyfriend would be in a coffin. Now my real mom knows I'm doing it and I knoe she dissaproves but she also knows I'm responsible and respects my decisions. Her philosphy is I have to learn from my mistakes, no matter how grave they may be. The time passed long ago when she could protect me from the world's evil.

[irish-girl]

my first boyfriend was in 7th grade but that didn't last long at all i am older now and i have a great boyfriend my mother really into our relationship. i think its because shes my mom and dad(i only live with my mother) my mom is really okay with everything i do with him she knows she can stop it and she trust me alot.