does he like me?

[aquarina]

ok. i need your opinions on this. sorry for how long this is. i hope someone reads it. here's the situation...

met this guy the first week of school (i'm 20 btw, senior in college) and had an INSTANT attraction to him and couild tell he felt the same....was flirting with me alot. we just met that one night and then didnt see eachother for a looooong time.... but i always thought about him and checked to see if his light was on when i passed his apt (he lives in my complex). then, one day i ran into him at a party and he remembered me. we were both WASTED drunk and ended up making out ALOT that night. we left eachother that night without exchanging phone #'s or anything (felt so stupid about that afterward)

Anyway, randomly ran into him the next day and was like "hey! sorry abouit being so drunk last night. haha. here's my phone number though. you should call me but i didnt get HIS number. he DIDNT call..... So, about a week later i ran into him on the shuttle bus to school and was like "hey! sup? you shouild come over and visit me!" (in a joking way). he actually ended up calling me that weekend. we partied and made out, of course. i gave him a really good HJ, but i didnt want to do too much. Since then he called me alot and could come over and hang out for a bit and smoke a cig with me or something.

to make a long story short, we've gotten together a few times since then and have had sex 3 times. 2 times before winter break, and the last time was on new years---within the first 30 min of seeing him after a month of winter break! (ps... he didnt call me at all over the break. we texted eachother ONCE... that's it)

And the last time we had sex, on new years, it was SOOOOO GOOD!!! omg. i've been wanting him ever since that night. he called me the next night asking me if i wanted to hang it but it got to late and that didnt end up happening. i called him the next day and we talked for a few minutes and was like "i'll call you back in a little while"... he never did and hasnt called for the past 2 days. and i dont wanna call AGAIN-- cause i dont wanna annoy him. but at the same time i feel like "ok...i had sex with you.... you shouild know better and know that girls get attached to guys they have sex with. you should expect i will be calling you"

I dont know why this is. before he was calling me all the time and coming to see me. and he even commented on how amazing the last time we had sex was. and i gave him a BJ too which i had not yet done for him before. the only thing that happened that was kinda a mood killer was the fact that the stupid condom broke and he was all worried about that. i was too, but thankfully it was the first day of my period. yes, i DO know you can still get pregnant but the chances are small.

thing is, i'm willing to bet that he will call me this weekend and want to hang out... and we'll prob end up having sex b/c i cant help myself. and....i guess i'm just wondering if he jiust views me as a friend and a f*** buddy, or if he actually likes me. i REALLY like him and if he doesnt feel that way about me then i know the more sex we have, the more emotionally attached i will become and could end up getting hurt. what's the deal here? any insight? does he just want sex? do guys begin to get emotionally attached too after having sex with a girl several times?

[aquarina]

...... is it really possible for a guy to continue having sex with a girl and not have feelings for her? isnt that kind of insensitive? i mean, if that IS the case, he should stop having sex with her if he knows she really likes him for more than just sex. right? i dont know how guys think. i wish i could get inside his brain and figure this out. i hate games.

but it's funny b/c when i think about it... this guy i had the hots for and thought i would never even see again, ends up being the guy i'm having hot sex with. i never thought in a million years that's where i would be today. lol.

[moose_hd]

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Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (aquarina @ Jan. 05 2006,02:36)]...... is it really possible for a guy to continue having sex with a girl and not have feelings for her? isnt that kind of insensitive? i mean, if that IS the case, he should stop having sex with her if he knows she really likes him for more than just sex. right? i dont know how guys think. i wish i could get inside his brain and figure this out. i hate games.

but it's funny b/c when i think about it... this guy i had the hots for and thought i would never even see again, ends up being the guy i'm having hot sex with. i never thought in a million years that's where i would be today. lol.

As a guy, my theory is that we can "compartmentalize" our feelings a lot more easily than women. I think we can separate our lust and love quite effectively if it suits us. Therefore this makes it pretty easy for him to have sex with someone without having feelings for her. This does NOT mean that all guys will go and do this, as many of us have value systems and morals from our parents, communities, school, religion, etc. as well that give us other reasons to not just have sex on a whim.

That's also why a cheating boyfriend/husband doesn't necessarily love you any less than he did before, (nor does he deserve your lenience if/when you catch him.)

[dancingdoc2]

All this is true about what the male of the species can do.

My guess is that if he was really really interested in you he would be falling all over himself to be in your presence some way shape or form. Calling, notes, running in to you, planning dates, dinner, hanging out at his place, whatever. That this is not happening means &quot;he is just not that into you&quot;--except when it comes time for an &quot;itch&quot; to be satisfied.

Get clarification about what he wants and/or dump him.

[Alex]

some guys just like sex. i dont think they get AS emotionatly attached as some girls do. if you realy want to find out. ask him questions, and see if he does stuff for you. like buy dinner, go out to movie, see if he does anything besides sex.

[vagabondprince]

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Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (moose_hd @ Jan. 05 2006,20:05)]As a guy, my theory is that we can &quot;compartmentalize&quot; our feelings a lot more easily than women. I think we can separate our lust and love quite effectively if it suits us. Therefore this makes it pretty easy for him to have sex with someone without having feelings for her. This does NOT mean that all guys will go and do this, as many of us have value systems and morals from our parents, communities, school, religion, etc. as well that give us other reasons to not just have sex on a whim.

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First I want to make a short comment about what i just quoted from moose. It's a lot harder to generalize than that. I can't compartmentalize, and i wound up in a fuck buddy situation a few months ago where the girl strictly wanted sex. She had to break it off because i was slowly getting too serious for her. So it's basically that it goes one way sometimes and the other way other times. What about all those girls who frequent frat/other parties and just hook up randomly? (of course they're usually drunk but that's beside the point)

finally, i'm only going to make a brief observation from the original post, so as not to try to read the mind of a guy i've never met. It seems to me that in the course of the time you've been with the guy, very little time has been spent on the emotional development that goes toward making a real relationship. What happened to dating? particularly dating to get to know the person before you start the sexually active phase of the relationship. If there was no love type emotion the first time you two screwed, i highly doubt those feelings will develop. he may even think you're on the same page he is...just enjoying great sex with another person who can appreciate it. But I can't really personally recommend any way to change your relationship with him from fuck buddies to bf/gf unfortunately, sorry. All i can really say is show him in some notable fashion that there's more to you than the sexual being.

[aquarina]

thank you all soooooo much for your replies! i really appreciate. nice to hear what you all think.

and yea, i totally agree that we went about everything all wrong. i should not have slept with him so soon without having gone out and spent time together. geez.... so stupid of me.

i know i should prob get over him and either stop having sex with him (which may be REAALLLLLLY hard to do) or regard him the same way he does me .... a f*** buddy. lol. i mean, the sex IS really good. but at the same time, i'm not totally comfortable with the whole &quot;open relationship.... you can sleep with anyone b/c we're not a couple&quot; kind of deal b/c i dont wanna be sleeping with someone who is also sleeping with other people and i dont even know about it. i mean, there's STD's and shit out there. and stuff like that really makes me paranoid.... and for good reason.

thanks so much you guys.