creating unspoken tension

[Thunderchild]

There is a Girl I realy fancy (read as have fallen deeply in love with). she along with mother and aunt (an inconvenient aunt unfortunately) will be with us on x-mas day and the day after. I think she must realise I like her (after 4 long years she is now 18 - i am alas a little older 22). I want to try and create some atmosfere/tension but am not sure whre to start especially as she is shy and me too fo that matter. she has not finished school yet and is a very dedicated student so perhap serious steps should wait a bit till school is over (not long) but I want to try and let her know I intend "advancing". trouble is I am so afraid to muck it up as this is my first (alas never found another) and i think I'd be happy if it were for life.
just to be plain what should i not do to imbaress her ecc. ?

[WallyLlama]

I was sorta hoping you'd get some replies that would help me understand the question...

I'm not sure I understand... do you have any sort of relationship with this girl now? Are you asking about what to do over Christmas? What does "increase tension" mean?

I would also urge caution when it comes to planning a life with her before you've even dated...

[Thunderchild]

yes i see what u mean.
with all the people around at xmas she will be rather withdrawn as she is shy. I don't think she will want to go out with me or anything like that until she has finished school (she has it real hard as the teachers think they are at uni) but must know i am interested in her. i can wait until she finishes school and want her to understand that. hm this is complicated perhaps just forget i opened my mouth.
just mention anything i should not do to make her feel uncomfortable in my presence.

[canoestripper]

Personally I think the staight forward approach is underrated; no need to decipher cryptic signals. Get her somewhere where you can talk and tell her some of what you have told us. Perhaps start with some small talk. No need to get too heavy, just tell her that you like her and would like to see more of her, or get together for dinner, movie, etc. Also let her know that you understand school is very important, and you can wait until she finishes. You can gauge her reaction to this, and take the conversation from there.

You've known her 4+ years, I take it, and you mention that she must have some idea that you like her. Have you any indication that she feels this way toward you also?

[EndlessProblems]

DON'T go in for a kiss
DON'T create any romantic scenes
DON'T tell her you like her just yet, give her hints

DO tell her she looks nice
DO compliment her and tell her she's beautiful
DO try to look in her eyes as often as possible (and if possible, turn away when she sees you looking, this should give her the hint)
DO be funny
DO give her a hug (if she is okay with one) at the end of the night



And finally, DO come back and post how it turns out

[WallyLlama]

One option would be to innocently ask for her help with simple chores like clearing the table... or if an errand needs to be run, ask her if she'd like ride along with you... she might actually welcome the opportunity to be more alone, away from the crowd, if she's that shy.

Think of it as making her feel comfortable, that's a little different than being paralyzed with fear you are going to make her uncomfortable or embarassed. She may not be ready to "date" but she's not a nun and she's not going into some sort of solitary confinement or life of total denial.

Be her friend.

Just don't make it harder than it really is!

[Thunderchild]

yea i kind of see what u all mean and it makes sense.
one point in favour is i think her mother would love it for us to get together (and maybe something she has said to her has helped make her so withdrawn).
say anything we can talk about that is not inherent to school (she hates talking about it during holidays) and not my job as that is nerve racking.
one thing i do know for certain is there is nothing more horrible with being stuck in school and knowing what a grat world is outside out of reach perhaps she fears this to happen

[EndlessProblems]

Do you to like the same music? Something that used to get my ex-girlfriend and I together and make us happy was music. We used to sing that beach boys song "Wouldn't it be nice if we were older and we didn't have to wait so long". If you know she likes a certain song, try singing it under your breat (in an attempt to make her notice), for me musical taste is a huge bond between two people.

[Thunderchild]

well there is a yes and no to that. we both like most of the music of the 60's but as it happens we are in italy - I am english (been here 12 yrs) and she is italian. she has studied english and is father ahead than most are but i do not know how much of a song she can understand. unfortunately she is reluctant to speak any english with me i think because she is afraid that she will look silly or something. i have mentioned in the past not to worry about that as practice makes perfect but she still does not want to speak in english.
any how nice idea.
perhaps someone can suggest how can get her to talk in english as that would be a great conversation starting point and saying it in another language may make a difference to her shyness.

[EndlessProblems]

Here's an idea...60s you say? So I take it you've heard Abbey Road? Try singing "The Sun King", it's partially in Italian (though I have no idea what the hell it means the only word I can get out of it is "Love&quot.


[i]Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh...
Here comes the sun king
Here comes the sun king
Everybody's laughing
Everybody's happy
Here comes the sun king

Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon
Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol
Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel[i]


Or, you can just sing the little italian bit =D