Coping with loss of loved one

[EndlessProblems]

I need help coping with the loss of my girlfriend. But this isn't any other Lovey-Dovey break up. She left because she feels she is too young, and has other more important things in her life to do then having a boyfriend.

All the sites I went to give information on getting over the person, which I don't need, because we will be getting back together when she is ready.

All the people I talk to are stumped on what I should do, or what my next step should be.


My ex-girlfriend told me should wouldn't hold it against me if I saw other people, because she was the one who initiated the break up. But she also promised me herself I would be the first person she dates when she feels ready and fit for a relationship again.

But, I feel like a stalker. When we talk, I still tell her I love her (I am in love with her, and she says it's fine when I tell her this, because she responds with "I love you too&quot. And, I email her/text message her all of the time if she takes too long being away (Yes...I've always been like that, but now it feels stalkerish). I'm not controlling, but just paranoid.

One girl told me, that relationships like that usually don't end up working out (break up for some time then go back out), and that I should just get over her. But I don't know, I love her so much and she is a 1/1,000,000 girl...

I just need a lot of opinions...Should I wait, or should I just move on?

[canoestripper]

Have a heart to heart with her. Tell her you love her and are willing to wait for her, and just be friends if that is what she wants. Tell her that if she wants to put things on hold, you are not going to date other girls. You will wait for her because she is the one you want. Make sure she gives you a straight answer. Does she want to wait a while, or does she really want to break up. If she wants to break up, you'll just have to go a different way...

[oberon]

I agree with CS. You need to make this more definite. It's either over (romance-wise) or it's not. Saying that you can date other people but she won't is just a recipe for disaster.

Talk to her about either ending this (you can remain friends) or just slowing it down. Hopefully, that will make for less chance of potential problems.

Take care.

[EndlessProblems]

Yeah, I think we're just slowing it down. I can't end it, I love her too much to be the one to make that move. I decided to take CS's device, and it helped very much. No more emptyness in my heart because I know that this is what she wants for a while, she if she is happy, I am happy

[WallyLlama]

If you are willing to post it... what is the age difference between you and her... or, more importantly, how old is she?

I'd add this: exercise caution when it comes to loving a promise.

[EndlessProblems]

I'm 16 and she is 13, 11th grade and 8th grade >_>

[canoestripper]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (EndlessProblems @ Dec. 10 2005,04:46)]Yeah, I think we're just slowing it down. I can't end it, I love her too much to be the one to make that move. I decided to take CS's device, and it helped very much. No more emptyness in my heart because I know that this is what she wants for a while, she if she is happy, I am happy

Glad it helped. Hope everything works out for the best.

Remember, life has it's little ups and downs. You're young, and have a lot of life ahead of you. Things are rarely as bad as they seem at first glance. Try to keep a positive attitude so the setbacks don't hit you so hard. At your age, it's hard for you to distinguish between major and minor problems.The older you get, the better your perspective becomes.

Good luck

[EndlessProblems]

Well, now when I try talking to her it seems like she is just avoiding all conversation with me...Do you think this is temporary, or are we just screwed if ever she was ready for a romantic relationship?

[canoestripper]

You both have GOT to come to terms with what she REALLY wants.

What did she tell you when you talked to her about putting things on hold or breaking up? Did she gave you a clear answer?

I know this is something you don't want to hear, and I could be wrong, but I've got a feeling she wants to end it...

[EndlessProblems]

She gave me 6 reasons:

A) She was a bit upset with me and a joke I told (I was in a joking mood and made fun of something a little disturbing >_> Not about her but about death, not relating to her at all)
B) She thinks that we are really serious and have been but it took her until now to realize she was so young. She thinks she shouldn't be in a relationship this heavy until she's my age
C) Love is starting to scare her
D) Her mother and father's relationship was almost a mirror image of ours, and her father ended up dying because of irresponsibility (drinking). I don't drink though, never have never will
E) She needs time to figure out who she is without mine or anyone's opinions
F) She's really upset about all the people around her dying (Father, grandfather, nany, anyone who she really LOVES tends to die), so she said (and I quote):
"(21:05:43) Chrissie: i might as well make myslef lose you then let god take you away form me"


I don't know if she still loves me and wants to pursue a relationship or wants us to grow apart. I mean, we still say "I love you" before we ever depart (talking on the phone, seeing each other in person). It's almost the exact same relationship, just no physical relationship, and no responsibilities on either half (if I liked someone I could just go out with them)