What Now?

[marieb82]

Okay I realize my original post entirely to long, so I am editing.

I met a wonderful guy that I really like over the internet over two months ago, we talked on the phone almost everyday, in Nov. we decided to set a date to meet we agreed on the 10th of Dec.. Two days later he found out he was going back to his hometown to fill in for another manager who had been transfered to a different store(he works for walmart). Now since his hometown is only about an hour from me we moved our first meeting up to Nov. 20th. In that conversation I found the opportunity I was looking for to express my concerns about having sex with him and how I was afraid that I might like him a lot more then I should, since he already brought up the fact that with his work schedule and the distance between us he might not be able to see me very often. He also brought up the fact the he didn't want a one night stand, he wasn't into that and he didn't want me to think that was how it was going to play out.

We both decided that there would be no "monkey business" when we met. The 20th came and when I met him, I knew there was no way around not liking him more then I should, I already liked him alot just from our phone conversations. We had fun talking and laughing, we were very comfortable around each other and there wasn't a moment of awkwardness, not even in the short silences. We finally went to eat at my fav. place, and then from there we went to reserve *his hotel room for the 10th because he would be staying over night. In the car he kissed me, and we both liked it,he told me I was a very good kisser and I returned the compliment. From there he found every chance to kiss me and I didn't complain.

We finally got the room settled and were heading out to get a couple drinks and sit and talk. Well we ended up getting a room and having sex instead. There was a lot of sex, talking, laughing, and cuddling goin on. I was really enjoying myself and told him so, he felt the same(so he said). He did ask me if what I was afraid of happening(above mentioned liking more than I should)was happening. I told him it was none of his business(because it was happening- was he asking me if I liked him because he did in fact like me- did I miss that some how). I couldn't bring myself to ask him how he felt (what can I say-I was a coward and afraid of his answer). He didn't mention it again, and neither did I. Finally around 1 o'clock, we had to bring the night to an end, he had an hour drive back and work at 6 in the morning, I had to get up for work as well.

We kissed good-bye and he told me that he wouldn't be able to call for a couple days because of the preparation for the holiday (thanksgiving-blackfriday-manager @ walmart) I understood. It ended up being a week before he called, he explained that he had lost the paper with my number on it and had to wait for his next day off to drive down to his apartment and get it again. He called me that same day, but I was sick and didn't feel much like talking, so he told me he would call me on Wed. the 30th, I didn't think he would call but he did, we talked for a couple hours, he told me that he was going to be going back to his town on friday and asked if he could call me on sat, i told him it would be okay to call on sat, and we said our good byes. Well sat, has came and passed, he didn't call and I was so sure he would. It's upset me, I called and left a message telling him so, because it was bothering me that he didn't call when he said he would.

I know having sex on the first date is a no no. I did it anyways, if you saw him though..He is beautiful, I can't even began to discribe him, Tall, broad shoulders, amazing smile, great personality, these blue eyes that you could just fall into, and a gorgous head of Red hair(he's Irish), did I mention his sarcastic sense of humor that I just love, he's college educated, and everything you could want in a man, and I became putty in his hands, I couldn't think past him and me, man and woman, kiss for kiss, touch for touch, I don't regret it, but it is killing me because, I went into this with a cool head, well some reservations(not wanting to like him to much), and came out with the want for a relationship with him, to know everything about him, I can honestly say, that even if we hadn't had sex, I would still be sitting here going over the same thing. So what I am asking for is after reading this what do you think, it's easier to see things missed when you are outside looking in. Everybodys opinion is welcome no matter what it is. Thank you.

Now looking at it I realize that it is just as long as the last, but I feel that I have portrayed in this one what I really meant to say in the last, I haven't changed much just took out what really didn't need to be there and added some things that maybe should have been.

Oh yes, I should mention that I am married-seperated now and the divorce is to be finalized in a couple weeks

[marieb82]

Who cares about power anyway?

[WallyLlama]

Truthfully I did not read your entire post that closely, but two things strike me:

You seem to be making this all about you, what you think should be happening, how you feel, and want you want, etc.

"You have the power." - see the above sentence.

Retail is impossible during December. I was there years ago. You put your life on hold for six weeks, work 80-90 hours a week, get called in during the few hours you've made other plans and realize you just worked 18 hours straight, spend the rest of it sleeping and hoping people understand, too tired to realize there's a woman who's pissed off because you didn't call when she expected it.

You might consider giving the guy a break.

That's my best "shot," it may not sound very compassionate, but I do know the retail reality.

[marieb82]

I'm not asking for compassion, I just want honest down to it opinions, I thank you for yours. I don't know retail, have never worked it and the fact that he is a manager is sure to put him right up there in the 60-80 hour work week, so I guess now I should chill out, stop making this about me, when he calls he calls, and go from there.

I would also like to say that I wasn't mad about him not calling just a little upset(sad) *because I was really looking forward to it, I jumped to conclusions letting my insecurities get to me, and *made a phone call that wasn't clear about how I felt, hopefully I put the situation to right by calling and explaining my reason for the *call. I in no way intended to be as selfish as you said I am being. I will think harder about what I say and how I say it(my mother always told me that was going to be a problem for me).

About the power thing, you say see above statement, I understand where your going with it. I just don't understand how I could be using something selfishly when I don't even know what was really *meant by the statement. My aim was to only find out what he might have meant, not to abuse something that was given to me, which again I wouldn't know how, because I don't know what it was given for.

[Stewie]

Marie,

His job can be particularly difficult this time of year. Maybe you should write him an email (writing gives you a chance to get thoughts across very clearly) and tell him that you had a wonderful time with him. Tell him you thought it was mutual, but was unsure when he did not call when he said he would.

Just out of curiousity, did he know you are technically still married?

[marieb82]

Yes, he does know I am still married, what he doesn't know is that I will be divorced soon, I withheld that information from him. I was planning on telling him about the divorce on sat. I was also going to tell him that the distance wouldn't be a problem because I plan on transfering from Penn State Behrend to the main campus in State College (which isn't very far from him) to finish my degrees. I am thinking of every way possible to make room for him in my life.

I will send him an email, but I want to speak with him in person about the relationship issue, as far as I know we are still on for the 10th of Dec. I hope to bring it up then, unless you think it would be wiser to bring it out in the open sooner. I am beganing to feel that time seems to be running out, because he wanted me to tell him I liked him before and I failed to.

[marieb82]

Okay, He called...He told me he had good news and bad news for me, I asked for the bad news first..He has to cancel for the 10th, The good news..He decided he is going to take the place of the manager who transfered...He's moving back home. I'm doin the running man right about now...and the cabbage patch....and the charlie brown. He didnt call because he was still in Franklin being offered the position. He apologized..but I apologized for jumping fences. I can't stop smiling....

[Brandye]

OK, you screwed him. Big deal. Now get over it and let what happens happen. I have on the first date and never heard from him again. I also ended up engaged to a guy with whom I had sex on the first date.

Perhaps it should not be recommended but many of us do once in a while. It is only a big deal if we stew about it.

[marieb82]

okay I'm over it, sorry..LOL..I just get a little worked up about somethings, and I was really excited about him moving closer. Now it is whatever happens happens.