Boy (with a gf) is driving me crazy!!!

[StaceyJ]

Hi guys... i will apologise for the length of this now!
i will just give u a little bit of background information on the situation.. i am 19yo female and never really been in a relationship (i've been asked out from time to time, but have never really liked anyone). I met started working with this guy about this time last year (only about once a week), and instantly i felt a connection. Nothing had happened between us, and someone else mentioned that he had a girlfriend, so I moved on from my feelings for him because i wasnt going to pursue anything if there was someone else. One night we were drunk at a work party (bout 3months after we'd met), and he told me that he was falling in love with me. I was shocked, and told him that we'd speak about it once he was single and had some time to get over things. Every now and again he'd call me or msg me, and things always turned to the topic of us... by this time all the feelings had came back for him, and it was so frustrating having these mutual feelings, but not being able to do anything. One night a couple of months later he was on a 'break', and we were drunk and kissed and hung out for the night (we didnt sleep together). He was so cold in the morning, it just made me feel like shit. When we went our separate ways, he kissed me on the cheek and said he just needed some time to sort things out. That was the last that I'd heard about it for a long time.

So here am I, now absolutely crazy about this boy, but cant do a thing about it. I got over him a few times...i made him tell me one night that he really loved his gf and wanted to be her...that worked for a while, but then it only took a couple of little things and i was crazy in love again. I know he's not sounding like the best guy now, but he is so sweet and cute and funny, and we just have this connection...im in crazy in love mode at the moment.

OK, so now it's about a month ago...another girl from work tells me that they had kissed on that first drunken night when he had a gf, and had told me he was falling for me. Then she told me that he had msgd her sometimes, and had told HER that he would leave his gf for her.

I know...he's not sounding the best now.

These revelations almost made me physically sick. I honestly wanted to throw up. I told him we need to talk and he wrote me an apology letter because he thought i was mad that he had never actually sat down and told me he was 'working things through' with his gf. He had no idea that it was about our mutual friend from work!!! I replied to his letter with a letter of my own saying i could never trust him, and how could he have lied to me when he was so in love with me. I was so angry. My feelings for him went away...how could i ever be with guy who cheats and lies? So i got over most of the anger (i will still never trust either of them)...but recently ive been starting to want him again... I know i am the biggest glutton for punishment, but i really think that he's the one for me, even though i dont think i could ever be with him, because of what he's done.

So here i am, in love again with this guy (who i still have to see at work), and it's absolutely doing my head in. It is never going to be, but all i want is him... I NEEEEEED, for my own sanity, to get over him!
When i am 'over him' i can see as clear as day how stupid i would be to feel this way about him, but then everything comes rushing back, and i am once again longing for this disaster to happen.

The problem is...its our work Christmas party in a couple of weeks. Me (and my love and anger) + the boy (with his gf and possible feelings for me...dont even know these days) + the other girl (who he kissed that first night) + a whole lot of alcohol = big problems!!!

This plays on my mind so much, and its really not healthy. I need to get over this..mayb i will get some resolution from christmas party....i very much doubt it, but im trying to tell myself that.

So, what im asking for is some advice on what to do (even though i really know whats right), and how to get ova this one! im not up for another year of unrequited love..it hurts too much.

congratulations if u continued to read to here...any advice would be great!

[lonely_me]

hmmm....i absolutly understand wat ur going thru...must be terrible....
i think u have to go to the christmas party.....cant miss good times becoz of a guy who does n t know to treat u properly and has no morals
u have to get over it girl.....have fun....get a boy frnd just to have fun...
u ll be ok in a while

ps:my situation is similar to urs.....i cant believe i am advising u...its making me feel better

[Stewie]

Stacey,

First of all, the advice I give you is just that...advice from my life experience. There are a lot of other particulars in your life that I do not know about, you have to de what is best for you.

1) At the Christmas party, avoid alcohol. It may be tradition for some companies, but you really don't want all of your emotions coming to the surface in front of the jerk you have feelings for, his girlfriend, and all of your co-workers. Alcohol has this funny effect of making everything in the moment seem like the right thing to do, and then ruining things to come.

2) What is it about this guy?
Pro - He's funny.
Con- He's a cheating, lieing, jerk who is content to have a girlfriend and hook up at parties.
Tough choice I know.

3) Force yourself to explore different aspects of life. This will help you to grow and mature as an individual.

4) Recognize that infatuation is very, VERY different than love. This guy obviously stirs an emotional reaction in you. Even emotions like anger or jealousy feel better than being emotionally numb. But if you take any advice, do the following..

5) Find a good mirror where you live, and look yourself in the eyes. Let it really sink it that you are not just looking at a reflection, but that you are looking into yourself. See yourself from the inside, and from the outside.
Tell yourself what you are worth.
Do you want and deserve someone in your life who cares for you?
Do you want and deserve someone in your life who is loyal to you?
Do you want and deserve someone in your life who will express their love to you freely, and to anyone?
Do you want and deserve more than heartache, more than longing and anger, more than what you are being given now?

I hope this helps, good luck.