Emotionally Attached

[DCX]

I am completely emotionally attached to my fiancee. When im not around her or talking to her I get physically sick and depressed. I dont know why this is so bad. I cant really shake it. She veiws it as me being needy but i dont try to be needy towards her I just get lonely when we arent together. I dont know what to do. She doesnt think its that big of a deal but nothing can change it. I get scared and lonely when I dont see her or talk to her. I get paranoid and upset. Any ideas no how to calm down this shit and not be so attached to her. Weve taken a week off but it just made it worse i thought if i spent some time out with my boys that it would make me less attached to her but for 7 days all i could do is think about her and miss her.
Sometimes she says she will call me back in a few minutes and ill just sit there and cry until she calls me. Its uncontrollable to me i cant help it. Id rather just chill and watch a movie but nothing works. Sometimes she wont call me back for like 6 hours and when she does she is usually like " im tired" or "im gonna go" after like 3 minutes of conversation. Am i just paranoid or is that sign she could be cheating?

Everyday she used to be so excited about seeing me and talking to me but lately its just all downhill. This is a hard time of the year for her because a death in the family 3 years ago...but is that the only thing that could be making her detatched from me?

[WallyLlama]

I'll take your post at face value and I'll give you my straight up opinion.

The problem is not (based on what you've described) her "detaching" herself from you or cheating on you.

You have described an unhealthy emotional attachment to her. If she is detaching herself, it is probably necessary for her own well-being, at least until you get your own needs under control.

No where in your post do you mention loving her... it is certainly logical to "need" someone you love. That's a lot different than loving someone you need, and that's not a play on words.

Getting physicall sick and depressed when you are not around her is needy; she's absolutely correct.You see you can't change it, and you are probably correct. However, it needs to change and you would do well to seek out some professional help in the form of a counselor.

You are wearing her out emotionally and probably physically as well. If you care anything for her get the help necessary so you can function independently and give her the love she deserves. Based on what you yourself are saying, she's detaching herself from you because the emotional cost of being with you is too high. Until you achieve some emotional stability you are not capable of giving, only getting.

Needing someone as much as you seem to need her is exactly the reason you will lose her.

In fairness, I will admit a bias... I was married to someone like you for six LONG years. Initially I convinced myself that her neediness was evidence of how much she loved me. WRONG. It was evidence that she was one of the most emotionally selfish people I have every known. She still is, but I am no longer her victim.

[UGSweetAzKandiie]

I understand what you are talking about even though I am in a significantly different possition. I am 16 and my b/f is 18 he is out of school, but I am only a sophmore. We have only been together 2 months, but I feel so much like I need him. I don't get to see him as much as a like because of school and homework and what not. Every once in a while my granny will let me do something just about every nite of the week, but sometimes when he tells me he's to tired from work or that he is gonna do something with his friends instead I get depressed and I just sit and home and wait for him to call me.
I think you like myself probably worry about her cheating on you, or her feelings changing....plus when you're not with her you can't really read her because I know in person you can tell if somethings wrong but its harder to over the phone. Just talk to her about it!

[girl12]

Wally is extremely right. You are selfish, and you are wearing your fiancee out. I wouldn't want to be around you either if I were her.

You act like this is something that you just cant help, that you are helpless. You aren't. You are telling yourself that you are helpless, but you are NOT. YOU control your reactions to your emotions. You are being extremely needy and dramatic about this. I think the reason that people put themselves in the situation that you are in is because you expect your partner to fill some sort of void. You have convinced yourself that you need her to feel complete. You don't need her to be a complete person.

Stop bitching and take control of the situation.

-Mariah