how do i bring it up

[simplyirresistable]

first off hi..new to the board *waves to everyone*

k, so i found out my guy's email password not in a sneaky way i was wasn't tryin to break in or anything i trust him completley all that stuff, anyway when he's checked it in front of me before i noticed a folder i was curious about it had a girl's name on it i know the girl, it was the girl that he was supposed to start dating before me ( she moved away but was planning on comeing back early to start something with him) he told me about it when we first got together but told me that he never really wanted to go out with her in the first place, he was just being nice or whatever...anyway i saw the folder and decided to read it...man that was a mistake, i was figured they were all like fw'ds and stuff nope they were like love letters just the stuff written to each other for some reason bugged me, i don't know why i mean it was before we got together, the last one was a couple weeks before then they changed anyway i don't know why he still feels the need to have them specially after 8 months of us...
how do i bring it up to him that it bugs me that he keeps these love letters...that i'm not supposed to know about?

(wow lot of rambling for one little question...sorry about that lol)

[MasterBater101]

First, if you think that was rambling read some of my posts

Also, I am a packrat and I can't seem to get rid of anything (I have stuff from when I was five) I personally can't just give up something, if it bugs you and you tell him, if he really cares about you, he will delete them, and if not, dump him, he probably still cares about her, and if he does, he isn't good enough for you.

Hope that helped!

[Trivium]

i myself am i packrat as well.. and many other things

well anyways, i saved all my emails sent/recieved from my girlfriend, i also copied and pasted most of our converstations on AIM into a word document, and saved all of our hand written letters i could get my hands on.
we stopped seeing each other, and i used to read them over and over again, but i havent read them in a while. i guess i just like to know that their there, that if i read them, i'll remember the good times.

from what i understood from your post, the girl whos folder you opened in the email, has moved away? if i understood it right, then why are you bothering that he has something saved? its not like he is going to do anything about it, besides read.

try asking for his password in a casual converstation. judge his reactions, and if he does give it to you, then you could bring up the letters.. if he dosent, then he may be trying to hide the letters from you?i dunno.

[Jm33]

simply- I knew my guys password and went through his cpu one day and found lots of stuff I didn't like. I confronted him about it and he said he would delete that stuff. Then I tried to go on his cpu to check and make sure he deleted it and he had changed his password.

I believe that if your bf has nothing to hide then he will gladly give you his password, or will not change his password after he figures out you knew it. There is no reason to feel bad about wanting to ask him about it.

If you guys e-mail back and forth ask him if he saves those, if not ask why.

[Hunni]

hey it's me...sorry it's been a while i havent had a comp in a while and couldnt remember my old name lol....anyway the girl moved back which is why it bugged me so much....but now we have bigger problems....

i found out a couple weeks ago i'm pregnant...i was on the pill but it happened anyway...he said if i keep it he'd leave me...so i thought hard about for a while and in a way he's right we're not ready so i go in a few days to terminate even tho it's against what i beleive...( i'm not against it it's a woman's choice but i never thought i could do it to myself kinda thing) and now he's talkin to his ex gf that i asked him not cuz he always calls her psycho and stuff and she said they slept together while we were on a break...then i found some stuff where he emailed her a couple days ago saying happy new year let's F***...and a few more sayin he wasn't kidding around and anytime she wants to he will..and thinkin about it now i dont know if i can go through with the termintation...i was told years ago i could never have kids so it's like what if this is my only chance...and from the way he was talkin to her..apparently they've been talkin on the phone for a while he always leaves the room when its for him and i ask who it was and he just says no one...and now i'm startin to see all the things wrong with the realathionship...but i'm scared to end it cuz i dont wanna be alone again...i'm not exactly a guys dream of a perfect catch lol....i mean he treats me good..better than the other two guys i've dated..short term of course and yet i dont know if i'm still in love with him or the idea of being with him...still confused...do ppl ever get a grip on this dating thing?

[dancingdoc2]

Rather than terminating the pregnancy, why not give this new life a chance at being someone? Giving the infant up for adoption at birth is much better it seems to me. Why not let an intact loving two parent family who perhaps cannot have children raise the child?

I would much rather be alone and happy than with some warm body and unhappy. I believe it would be to your benefit to stop dating for awhile and get to know yourself and be comfortable with who you are. In order for a relationship to be well rounded and complete, it must be formed by two well rounded individuals who are happy with themselves. It is wrong to assume that you need another person for you to be happy and your persona to be complete. Better me thinks for you to spend some time grown and maturing as an individual and developing a circle of good friends and some outside interests and hobbies. When you have done this then you can look for Mr. Right to share in these things with you and to share in some of his interests. A couple should compliment each other, not be in a parent/child relationship or one of dependence with regard to your personality.

[moose_hd]

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Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Jm33 @ Nov. 09 2005,10:00)]simply- I knew my guys password and went through his cpu one day and found lots of stuff I didn't like. I confronted him about it and he said he would delete that stuff. Then I tried to go on his cpu to check and make sure he deleted it and he had changed his password.

I believe that if your bf has nothing to hide then he will gladly give you his password, or will not change his password after he figures out you knew it. There is no reason to feel bad about wanting to ask him about it.

If you guys e-mail back and forth ask him if he saves those, if not ask why.

<span =''>
This just does not make sense to me. I would never give my password to anyone, regardless of the relationship. This is just good computing practice, and is not a reflection of whether there is anything to hide or whether or not you love or trust *the person.

Asking for someone's password is simply poor form and quite rude, and I would dump a girl if she persistently thought that I would give her access to my computer accounts. My private domain is sacred, and I do not tolerate interference in this matter.

For me, my computer and what I do with it is part of my identity, part of my person. I don't just give away access to it anymore than I let any person take advantage of my body. YOU always have final say in what your lover does to you, and this extends to your whole identity. Would you just hand over your diary or let him eavesdrop on your phonecalls with hardly a second thought?

If a SO went through my computer or any private materials without my permission, I would consider that a significant breach of trust, which would definitely put the relationship in jepoardy.

[j56h]

I agree with moose.

If you insist on being nosy, be careful because you might find out something that you don't wan't to know. I myself am guilty of this (but I didn't need any passwords to get the info).

In my case, while cleaning up around the house, my wife tossed a bunch of papers. Some were short stories she had written years before I met her. I didn't think she should throw out things that she had carefully &quot;crafted&quot; back then, so I took it upon myself to save them. Of course I couldn't resist reading them. Low and behold, amongst these stories are a bunch of personal jornal or diary type enteries. Well you know how curiosity works! I read all the stuff there and found out a bunch of stuff that I would probably have been better off not knowing about. Nothing bad, just details of former relationships and information that tells me that she's been with a lot more guys than I would have guessed. It's all ancient history now, but I still waste some time thinking about stuff that I really had no NEED to know.

Anyway, my point is...things get saved for whatever reasons. Just because the relationships are over doesn't mean that the memories should be obliterated. What's wrong with keeping some notes and pictures for posterity's sake?

Just keep in mind that if you keep stuff, it will undoubtably be found and read. And if you look for stuff like this, you'll probably be sorry that you found it/read it, unless it clues you in to something going on that shouldn't be like in Hunni's case.

[WallyLlama]

I may be a little confused by this thread... sorta not sure if simply iresistible and hunni are the same person... so I'll stay out of the big issue.

This whole password and snooping controversy is pretty simple. Picture two people saying these two different things:

&quot;If you trust me you will give me your password.&quot;

&quot;If you trust me you don't need it.&quot;

Who's gonna &quot;win&quot; that one?

[djx]

Hi,
I just found this site through google.
I have a related question and want to know what others think.
Mine is a long-distance relationship and we see each other at least once a month until I'm done school and we can be together. When I was with him at Christmas, he emptied his pockets and left a slip of paper on our bed with another girl's name, phone number and email. When I asked about it, he said it was nothing to worry about, that he never called her and the paper had been in his shorts since the last time he wore them.
I was on his computer checking my email and just decided to look since it was bothering me. In his &quot;sent&quot; folder were emails to and from that same girl flirting, and talking about meeting in her town. Also there were emails to and from various other girls with pics attached, some of them x-rated.
He told me that the girls were girls he had met on an online sex site after his engagement ended 3 years ago and that he hadn't been meeting anyone new (confirmed, the account on the site had been idle since long before we were together), and also that he didn't have plans to meet them in person. He insisted that at the time he didn't know how we could make our relationship work since we were so far away and that was why he was emailing with this other girl he met.
I was very upset and was going to leave. Here's what he did:

- he apologized, and we discussed how we could make the relationship work in the future
- he told me that I was the only one he wanted to be with but didn't know how to make the long-distance thing work
- with me watching, he emailed the girl and told her that he was sorry but that he had a girlfriend and realized that their emails were more flirty than he wanted them to be.
- he deleted his IM accounts
- he blocked all the girls email addresses from his email account
- he gave me his passwords for his email accounts and told me I could look in them anytime I wanted

I decided to give him a second chance.

Even with him doing these things, I know it's going to take me some time to feel as though I am important and to trust him again, but it seems as though he is trying hard. There is a part of me that wonders if he just opened a new account with a new password, and if I am being stupid for not just dumping him.
Any suggestions?
Thanks