Understanding guys...

[aussie_gal]

Hey everyone. I can't believe im posting a new topic but i am in need of advice and i have nothing better to do as it it is exam time and im feeling a little down! Anyway I dont understand guys at all, and im in a frustrating situation at the moment and i just wanted some opinions! I wont explain the story now because itll be a very long one, but i will if anyone is willing to help me out! it is hugely appreciated.

xx

[canoestripper]

UMMM...I think it's safe to say there are plenty of people here that would be willing to help you out....BUT... we really CAN'T help if you don't post the situation....

[aussie_gal]

yeah i know, i posted that late lastnight and didnt think anyone would reply so i didnt want to waste my time!
well there is this guy named *gary and i went out with him years ago and we are still good friends. Anyway he has a relative named * Mike who I had met a couple of times over the past few years but we only knew each other on a hi bye basis until a few months ago. We all went out and i finally got to know him and we got along really well. god this is so specific im paranoid someone i know will read it and realise its me lol although that is sooo unlikely.
anyway, i realised this guy was pretty cute and stuff and kinda liked him, problem was we never see each other much. anyway we had a party a few weeks later and we ended up spending most of the night talking together again and its as if no one else even exists.
anyway, 2 weeks later we went to this big party thing and we were both very very drunk and he kissed me! I spent weeks analysing his behaviour, and it drove me nuts because i never heard from him or anything and it seemed like a drunken thing although i was convinved it wasnt because it had kinda been brewing u know?
Anyway, the next time i saw him i was soo blind drunk and he was sober and it wasnt for long so obviously nothing happened.. then another a few more weeks i saw him out and we spent most of the night talking AGAIN (both sober though) bare in mind we are both shy people.
anyyyyyhow, we bumped into each other a few weeks ago out, and as soon as he saw me he left his group of friends and came out with us. within 20 mins i knew we'd be together again and we spent al night together and he came back to my house. we did nothing because i want him to respect me. he told me that he really likes me a lot but he said a few things that implied he was unsure of me..
anyway ive only got 1 text msg since then (only cos it was my birthday) and its driving me nuts. i know he likes me and i just dont understand why on earth he wouldnt ask me out. I talked to his best mate and apparently he is scretive and hasnt even really mentioned me to him. i guess i just wanted some opinions on why he's unsure. I mean if it was because he wanted to focus on uni ( he finishes in a few weeks) then he could jusat tell me thats why.... u know?? or even if its that he feels a lil awkward about me living with my X ( who is his relation) maybe that could be it??? but if it is he could just tell me! i thought it was because he is a very relationship kinda guy ( never sleeps around EVER) and that the next g/f he has will be very very serious maybe even marriage potential, so maybe he just wants to make sure...?? or that he just doesnt want a g/f but that cant be it because he's been single for a while and if u like someone u wanna be with them!?

i just wondered if any1 had ever been in a similar situation. or have u ever really liked someone but didnt ask them out? or it didnt eventuate?? i just dont get it. and he didnt have to tell me he liked me!! it came out of the blue! if we both like each other then what could possibly be standing in his way!? sorry im sooo stressed and frustrated!!

[canoestripper]

Hi Aussie,

It's always hard for someone who is not a first hand observer to answer something like this. Every situation is different, but the one thing that remains constant is the need for good communication.

You like him, he said he likes you. You want to know why he hasn't asked you out. It could be any, all, or none of the reasons you suggest, but the best way to know for sure is to sit down with him and have a talk about it.

I could sit here all day and give you reasons for his behavior, all of which would be conjectures based on my own experiences. You need to talk to him. I know it's not an easy thing to do, but it's the only way to really find out what you want to know.

Hope this helps. Let us know how it turns out.

[aussie_gal]

thank you so much for your reply. You're right and i know i need to talk to him. But i can't just ring him up and ask where i stand ( that would turn him off even more) so i just have to wait until I see him again (which is always left to chance seeing as though he doesnt msg or call me) .. so not for a while...

[canoestripper]

Aussie,
Why not call and ask him out? Not neccesarily on a "date", but just to get coffee, see a movie, have a drink and just talk, or something else fun....and you can guage his reaction and go from there.

[MasterBater101]

You see, the male mind has basically four modes, sleep, eat, T.V., and sex.

Mine is mostly on the last one

That could also give you some insight.

[puravida]

4 modes?? Damn, I'm screwed. I thought that theory was wrong.. damn..damn

[aussie_gal]

well he isnt getting any sex so why the hell isnt he trying to persue me? he knows i wont do anything with him unless we are in a relationship, thats why!
argh im so annoyed today. im not going to ask him out canoe because i dont want to. im a firm believer in tradition and he should be asking me out (thats the whole problem) we have exams next week so im just trying to study. i just found out he finishes exams a lot earlier than me and earlier than i thought, so im going to spend a weekend crying over the fact that he's out celebrating drunk and not even texting me. i guess that kind of tells me something doesnt it... i keep saying to myself i should just move on but something isnt letting me. I think i know that itll eventually work out and the next time we see each other we will be together again and argh ive never been in a situation like this before. it doesnt even seem like he's thinking of me at all!! but he said he really liked me wtf

[Rosie]

hey aussie!....this is kinda long....
im an aussie too!! mayb it is the aussie guys??? ummm i have sorta been in the same situation as you....shall not go into details..... but he told me the same things it was the same situation not seeing eachother only when we are out! drunk texts n not so drunk ones. n he really put the idea in my head that he give a s**t. umm we did end up going out n even though i really loved this guy n yes i used the word "love" and i don't ever use the term lightly, as i felt/feel there was something about him that was different from any other! as there were feelings i have never felt, the fact we couldn't get our act together and he wasnt sure about me n then when he was sure i wasn't was sort of an omen. It really didn't work out and then i thought, i really like the "idea" of him, but we were from two different worlds. I kno u really like him i still have this attachment to this guy now!! even though it has been a few months. there is still this niggling feeling that something could happen BUT don't put your self through sooo much agony, i know it is hard not to and i should try and take my own advice, but don't chase, let him know u are around mayb just a txt "we all need to gout after exam yeh??" just something like that. but if u r putting yourself through this much agony is it really worth the hassell? have some fun!! when you see him don't put so much pressure on you "being together" maybe thats what is freaking him out a bit maybe he just wants to get to know you really well first before there is the "boyfriend/girlfriend" lable that seems to always be applied.
but have fun! relationships are meant to be fun! especially when starting out! don't stress u know he digs u have some fun with it
take care let me know what happens!