"First date"

[Timido]

Hello there, being a reader of this forum I finally decided to put some questions of my own. I thank you for any answers you give.

I met this girl on the internet (never talked with her, just arranged a meeting because she lives near me), and 2 days ago we went out just to talk a bit, nothing special just walk around. Well, I find her interesting and very cute, we already talked a bit about ourselves, but the problem is i am too shy around girls, I've been worse because now I can talk without much stupidity, but we are going out in some days (to the cinema) and I don't want us to become quiet, without nothing to say to eachother. What I wanted from you guys and girls is, well, some topics, questions and things to do with her, to make her and myself confortable and lose our "shyness". It's my first date like this, ever, I'm 18 and she is 20 and I wanted her to have a great time with me (and I with her ).
By the way, the movie we are going to see has a lot of sex scenes, so how that will work for us..
First kiss is very very difficult for me, I don't know when and how to do it, only kissed a few times before so I'm not that great so any feedback would be appreciated.
Thanks

[oberon]

The best way to talk to someone you don't know well? Try asking questions. What's her favorite {whatever}? What kind of books, tv, movies does she like? What are her hobbies or interests? The more you know about someone the more likely you are to find common topics that you can talk about.

As for the kiss... just relax and let it happen. You should get a sense of whether or not she's into you... or whether or not YOU want to. There isn't any rulebook... just let what happens, happen.

Good luck.

[bngalc]

My boyfriend and I met online (match.com) and the first time we met in person he was VERY nervous. Our first date he was definitely quiet, but on our second date we went out with a couple of my friends and had some drinks. That helped everything loosen up a little and ever since then things have been great. I'm not saying take her out and get wasted, but a few drinks in a quiet bar where you can talk and get to know each other isn't a bad thing. Good luck!

[Timido]

Thanks you two. As for what oberon said, that was what I thought I should do but I don't think a conversation of what is you favourite "insert stuff"? is nice, if it's going to take a while. Talking about hobbies and interests is great, but we talked a little about that before. I was wondering if asking things like, what do you look for in a guy, or something similar. Do you think that might scare her off, by some unknown reason?.

To bngalc: thank you for answering but I don't think drinking is a good solution, I don't like it and I don't want to be dependent on that to loosen up. Anyway the last I would want her or me to see is one of us drunk. I really dislike that.

[married1027]

Hey Timido,
I met my wife online (6, god has it been that long!?) years ago. We talked and chatted alot before our first meeting in person. The online/phone communication really took the pressure off both of us.

Any way as an ex-shy guy let me chime in.
Remember she is nervous too so don't consider every awkward silence as youir fault. She's probably afraid of making herself sound stupid in your eyes too.

I agree w/ oberon with one tweak. Instead of playing 20 questions "What's your favorite color?" try asking questions with follow ups that will let you learn about her. For example "Where did/do you go to school? Did you like it there? What was the best/worst thing about it? " Then you relate with a story of your own based on here answer to let her learn a little about you.

Remember all people, even shy ones love to talk about themselves and there experiences to someone who will listen.

So I guess my follow up to oberon is yes, ask her questions but be prepared to listen as well as speak.

Oh yeah and did she pick the movie? Some girls on a "first date" may wonder want a guy wants if he takes her to a sex-filled movie on the first date. Whoever picked it I wouldn't get your hopes up that it will lead to something that night. But if it does good for you!

Finally, although I was shy I did get my share of first kisses. Non-drunkin, meaningful ones are always awkward on someones end. Every person kisses a little different. That's what makes the first couple so exciting your playing a brand new game with a different partner.

Good luck!

[oberon]

LOL, guys... Maybe I wasn't very clear. *I'm not suggesting you come off like a questionaire.

The point of questions is to find the common things that you can talk about. *You ask, "What is your favorite (for instance) food?"... That can lead to a discussion of restaurants, recipes, places you've been (where you might have had good/bad food). *That can be a fifteen or twenty minute conversation. *THEN, you can ask your next question... LOL.

[Timido]

The movie was not chosen by anyone. As we were talking about cinema it was like:
SHE:"Now the movie I would like to see is "blabla",
I: " Oh, I wanted to see that movie too, maybe we can go together, what do you think?"
SHE:" that would be nice...." etc..

I think I'm ready for anything, after the "date", I come here and tell you what happened.
Thank you!