Relationship question

[heyimnew]

Hi! I have a co-worker who refuses to read these forums and learn from it. She has a lot of trouble with her BF and I think she could resolve it from these forums. I'm going to post her situation and just print it out for her to read. Stubborn woman lol.

She is 23
I believe he is 28.
They've been dating for 4 years.

He no longer likes to have sex with her. His drive was slowing down... about.. hmm half a year ago I think is when I heard it. Might I add, that she is the "only gf he hasn't cheated on." Pfft.. anyways... now we just got back from a lot of business trips, and they still don't do it... after periods of time not seeing each other. She said she hasn't gotten laid in about 3 months.. now to me that is a long time, as 1 week will get me uneasy. Anyways........ his excuse is that he is scared of getting her preggers, and that he trusts no method of birth control. She said he wouldn't trust a birth control pill with the added spermicidal injection and a condom on. WOW. Is he BS'ing her... or has his drive really gone down?

To me, it seems like he is cheating on her, and just keeps her around because she is really good for him. Helps him and all. May I also add, that he is a total bum, and she is a hard worker. Anyways, IMO, shes getting played, but maybe you guys think otherwise.. what's going on?

[WallyLlama]

Lack of sex with one's partner is not necessarily proof of infidelity. There could a lot of different explanations for it!

If you browse these forums you'll find dozens of possible reasons.

If you want to help your friend, I would suggest you NOT play judge. Remember that you are only getting her side of the story... she may not be lying as such, but you can bet you are NOT getting ALL the information.

Instead of taking a poll on whether or not the boyfriend is guilty, tell your friend she needs to talk to him and they need to solve this. She might get advice - even from a forum like this... but ultimately it's up to them to solve the problem. Your statement that she refuses to learn... that's she's stubborn... Well, let's just say that she is definitely contributing to the problem, altho we don't know how, do we?

I would not be quick to state that the solution is she consider him a cheater and, by implication, dump him.

So yeah, I see it otherwise, at least without further information.

If you are going to print out all the advice include my suggestion that she not just listen to her friend who clearly has an agenda that includes breaking up a four year relationship.

[oberon]

I have to say that with the version of the story that you've given... it sounds fishy to me. Most guys DON'T just give up on sex.

Of course, she should try to talk this out with him first. There are details that you've provided that just don't add up. Like... "he's cheated on every girlfriend", BUT "he's afraid of getting the woman he's been in a four year relationship with pregnant".

If he refuses to try to reach some sort of compromise in the situation then that's an answer all by itself.

As for your participation in this scenario... the best you can do is be a supportive friend. You'll never change her mind... SHE has to do that. She must decide what she's willing to put up with and for how long.