I'm so confused

[EndlessProblems]

I'll try to shorten this story up as much as possible, I've been ghosting these boards for a while now, and I just decided to register, for some help myself.


I've been dating my current girlfriend, Christina, for 10 months tommorow. Now, everything seems nice, but there are one or two problems

- She is 2.7 years younger then me, roughly
- Making the age difference seem worse then it is, I'm in 11th grade and she's in 8th
- She lives out of state, one state over, about a 40 minute drive

Now, my problems just tend to pile upon me. Well, her and I. Ever since the beginning of our relationship, her mother has been saying she's too young for a serious relationship. Now, mind you, this IS a serious relationship, I really love this girl, I didn't even know what love really was until I fell into it with her. Problem is, her mother is a school nazi. And I'm not too amazing in school myself. I've faced the fact I won't be getting a high paid carreer, but I feel like a f***ing retard around her, she's being accepted into all kinds of programs for college, and other things, and each time she gets accepted into a new thing, I feel like it's one more thing to have to owne up to when it comes time to tell her mother the truth about my grades.

Oh, I forgot to mention. Her mom thinks Im a sophmore. So we kinda lied about my age too. And if her mom says she can't see me anymore, that IS the final judgement, and I'll lose my precious love. And I can't let that happen.

Now lately, this has not much to do with the relationship, but I'm kinda wondering if I should tell her:

I feel like I'm just so stupid, and I don't think I'm ever going to amount to anything, I've been thinking about suicide lately, there is way too much shit going on, Im trying as hard as I can and still coming out a C+ student. I was about to do it the other night, but i came across a website which stated that your loved ones would be put through pain if you were to do this, and that is the only thing that stopped me (I was going to overdose on pills)

I really need help with that problem, and I mean, she's the only person I feel comfortable with talking to about that, but I also at the same time don't feel comfortable with it.

And well, for the problems, the illegalty (is that a word?) of our relationship. She's 13, I'm 16. We do nothing, we've decided no sex until 17/19 (her/me). And that's legal in both of our states. But her stepfather wants to call the cops on me, wether we're having sex or not, when it becomes illegal he will be calling the cops.

I've been in so many relationships before, all perfect, not a worry in the world...But I meet a girl whom I truly love, and want to spend every waking moment with...And this is how god spanks me.


Her family is also almost a cult to have her stop seeing me. Her mother won't let me come to her house tommorow because she has to do a project which isn't due for 2 months, but it apparently has to be done tommorow, and her mom and grandma have done everything in their power to make sure she doesn't even see me today. They're all one big cult out to get me out of her life,and I don't know what to do.


This isn't direct relationship help, but more of a what should I do? I mean, I love the girl, but in your opinion is she worth all this? I thought so, but now...It's becoming too much. I don't go a day without crying, and everytime I think about all this I break out in tears. But I love her, and I've heard the whole "There is more fish in the sea" theory, but this girl is my freaking soulmate, and I know that for a fact...I just don't know what to do.


Please, any help would be greatly GREATLY appreciated...Thanks ahead of time

[JustTrying2BeAGOODBoyfriend]

Hey man,
It would be pointless for me to ask, "How is it going?" so im going to just cut to the chase. I can say i have been in almost the exact position you sit in now with my current g.f... and i have to pat you on the back for choosing to stick it out and not commit suicide, I was at a point like that also but, like you, i thought of who'd I effect if I DID go through with it, and WHO i have to live for, 1.) My little brother 2.) My girlfriend<< in no particular order>>. As for the... feeling like an inferior person based upon intellegence, i would say Be Proud of her, you say she is a smart girl, well the BEST thing you can do for her and yourself is to support her. Honestly guy, I'm going to let you on a little secret, EDUCATION AND COLLEGE DO NOT, even though they make you look "good" to people who care about that thing, ENSURE SUCCESS IN THE REAL WORLD! PERIOD! i can TOTALLY support this...

Let me tell you a little story, My uncle and my father were born into a VERY poor and underpriviliedged family... not exactly a good base to encourage education, but my father hardly ever went to school and neither did my uncle, in fact my uncle didn't finish Jr.High and my father dropped out of school his Junior year, cause i was born, <<thats another story>> to make this short, after being on the lowest ladder of the poor, and uneducated, my Dad went on into the furniture buisiness at age 17, and accumulated knowledge of the industry... just working as a manager, salesman, delivery guy etc. he took this knowledge, passed it on to my uncle, who went through the cycle of being a worker, salesman, manager and so on, accumulating knowledge NOT from school, but from work. He was proposed a buisiness oppertunity by someone who didn't really think he would do well, and he ended up being the part owner of a multi-million dollar name, his first store he ever owned made over 1 million in less than a year... this is just furniture... not BRAIN surgery, or a being lawyer... just being a salesmen... and having a name.

The point of that was, if u didnt get it, was Education does not determine ur destiny... it does not, and i want you to have HOPE that you MAY disprove your "shortcomings" to your g/f's parent(s) and become someone successful and lucrative beacuse u BELIEVED and you had that Willpower... just think of that.
As long as you can Provide for her, and LOVE her and CHERISH her, by all means you have the right to be with her... just prove them wrong... prove that you are worth it...

Dude i KNOW it is hard, i KNOW it is tough as f*** to even THINK of getting through this ordeal.. but STICK It OUT, cause you know in your heart that SHE is the one... and SHE is worth it... don't EVER second guess that... Maybe you might want to take just a little break apart, so as to not aggravate the situation with her asshole parents but maintain that u LOVE her and you are waiting for her... I wish you the BEST of luck dude... i really do...

-Rick

[EndlessProblems]

Thanks a bunch for the positive feedback

I already always tell her I'm so proud of her, she's in 8th grade and getting invited to colleges all over the place and she's taking the S.A.T. Freshman year, which I'm extremely proud of


And your words of experience help too, i guess you're right, there is nothing I can do but
A) Be a p*ssy, dump her, and regret it
B) Be a man and stick it out
So I guess I'm going with B

Thanks a bunch, if anything changes I'll try to come back and update you all, but as of now you've been a great help.




Edit- Another thing, her parents don't even care for the fact that I'm in high school, in my "prime", and I'm taking it slow because she's uncomfortable with it. I never kissed a girl until her, and we haven't done anything past that, in 10 months. Yet, they still don't trust/like me

[singlehoodsucks]

Parents, no matter what age their daughter is, are always untrusting of their male companions. Just get on the dad's good side, and things will square away.

[Emmy]

Hey, I think you need a little more than just an internet message board.

There should be some kind of free counselling service either at your high school (though they tend to suck), or within your local council/government youth scheme. I think talking to a qualified adult not only about your relationship problems, but also about the suicidal feelings could help you get a better grip on things. As and adult, who knows how other adults tend to think, a psychologist or counsellor could also help you deal with the girl's parents.

[JustTrying2BeAGOODBoyfriend]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (singlehoodsucks @ Oct. 05 2005,17:22)]Parents, no matter what age their daughter is, are always untrusting of their male companions. Just get on the dad's good side, and things will square away.

Yeah about that getting on the dad's good side thing, When My girlfriend and I first started going out, her father saw me as a nusiance, as an inferior, and as a disrespectful asshole, AND I DID NOTHING OTHER THAT SHOW RESPECT for my Girlfirend and her Family, he just DIDN'T like me WHATSOEVER anything i did was WRONG, but i continued being polite and curtious when ever i could show it, this however backfired on me once when i said to him "How are you doing Sir" for some reason calling him Sir TOTALLY pissed him off and he yelled at my g.f for ME doing so... but NEWAYS, i continued to just be Well mannered, Respectful, and Curtious and he eventually got "used" to me and now i don't get any negative feedback... like i said.. SHOW THEM YOUR WORTH...

[EndlessProblems]

Heh...She ended up breaking up with me yesterday, a day after our one year anniversary. I came back here cause I have no where else to go...She told me, she wants to take time apart because she thinks she is too young for a relationship of this calibur at her age.
But I told her, loving someone and not being able to hold and have them is worse then anything. I stayed up all last night crying, and I'm home from school today due to a lack of sleep.
She wants to get back together, but she told me if I want to I can experiment. Plus I don't know how long she is going to take until she wants to get back together.
What should I do, I'm not over her! And I won't be. And after all the waiting, she said there is a small possibility we might break up permanently...She told me she might not be my "Soul Mate", but I know for a fact she is.
I don't know what to do...I really don't, and I need help here...Someone give me some tips on dealing with this..I already sent an email filling a list from A -> Z of things I've done for her...I'm desperate, I need her back. I'm shaking right now and it's relatively hot in my house...And I'm scared...very scared...


Edit: This is supposed to be time apart, not an official break up, but she calls it that.

Worst of all she wants to stay best friends, which makes it hurt so much more then if she told me to "f*** off" or something...

[marieb82]

Justtrying- I give you Kudos I couldn't have said it better myself.

Endless- The break up, sounds like her mother got to her, but that still doesn't mean she is ready for something so big and it is big, I'm 23 and still have trouble in relationships. I have a 13 year old sister and can honestly say, that I would be livid at the fact that she was dating a guy 3 years older, I would be highly suspicious of his motives, and intentions, I have two daugters(don't even want them to date), so from that point of view I can see where the family is coming from, But as a person who experianced this situation myself,honor society, straight A's, AP classes, Parents hackling me to do good in school, & 14 dating a 19 year old, my mother was always on me, the threats to turn him into authorities, you are still a minor and only a little over two years older(the cutting point is 4 year difference)( not condoning but telling you that they can't have you arrested). She loves you and if she thinks that they will do that to you, that may be the basis for this seperation.

Calm down take it slow, show her how much you love and respect her, as her best friend don't pressure her(she has enough from her parents i.e school, this relationship you have, and I'm sure a ton of other things). It hurts I know, love can be hard sometimes at any age, don't make it harder then it has to be. Driving yourself crazy isn't going to get her back, stressing and making yourself sick isn't going to get her back, standing by her and respecting her decisions, going at her pace, those are more likely to aid you in getting her back. Please take Emmy's advice get counsiling(it makes a world of differance), and Chin up, it will work out in the end.

[EndlessProblems]

Thank you for your opinions, I've settled down now, and I am respecting her. Now she is telling me she thinks she made a mistake, but it's what her heart is telling her to do, and she keeps telling me "Why are you still talking to me, I'm such a selfish asshole". Her mom walked in on her crying last night, and suggested she wait until she's 16 (I don't know if I put that in my other post). Christina said she was probably right, but doesn't want to wait that long, she said it will be anywhere inbetween a month and a year.
I don't know, when the 6 month mark hits I might just want to see other people...I mean, I love her, but I can't wait on her forever. When she decides to come back, she decides to come back. But the problem with that is that It would be unfair to whomever I date, because I'm still in love with Christina...
I already know I'm going to stand by Christina in every decision she makes, and I'm still going to tell her I love her every chance I get, but I'm stuck dealing with my own emotions...I have no clue what to do with my life at this point, because she was my life...Our relationship was all I had, and everything I relied on.

[EndlessProblems]

that's it...I can't handle this anymore...The emptyness in my heart...It's going to be like this for years...Or a year, until she decides to date me again...Then i'll still feel like shit...I don't know what to do...