me + girl + long distance = sucks!!

[InYourHonor]

Well Im new to the message boards, so hello. Ive looked at the site a few times for the past couple of years but never really signed up.

Ive talked about this to a few other people. Of which are good friends that I can trust and they all have there mixed opinions. One of which I cant really call my friend, but my X gf I asked her about my situation. She is part of the big question. First of all Im very emotional, even the slightest thing you say(sometimes ment as a joke ) I take the wrong way and then feel really bad about it.

I really dont know were to start, because theres so much Im thinking right now, if I were to tell you a part of it it could throw your opinion way off. So I'll try my best to explain it in the best way possible.

So, it all started when summer came around. I talked with a girl that had come last summer and spring break to visit her dad ( sadly, the divorce thing) she bounces around states often. Before she came down I expressed my feelings towards her. And we talked alot over IM, so it wasnt just a girl I met online. Ive met her personally because she lived down the road and i had friends there so when I went to go visit them Id see her around. I got this liking for her, a crush. One day she got me to sign up for my space, a place were you make friends and have all these perosonality quizes and stuff( some of which as detailed questions you know) some of you might know what Im talking about. So one night ( we were still just friends at this time she was still up north ) I talked to her about my feelings and insecurity about geting a girlfriend that I dont look "attractive" enough. At that time I was single for 11 months, and previously 1 year 6 months I was just shy about everthing. So that night I go to bed and she messages me about what we talked about that night. So I wake up that morning to find a message with her saying I shouldnt think Im ugly, and that I should feel good about my self as me being me. Then she said " you know you dont like me or anything but anyway"( which then I asked her about and she told me that she intentially put it in there for me to say something) Since I had a crush on her I told her well what makes you think I dont like you when she got on aim that night. Shes like well do you. And I said yes I do, and she was like omg very suprised because all this time we talked she had talked to me about guys and stuff she had problems with. So it was a shocker to her. Then I blunty asked what her feelings were towards me. And she told me shes liked me for a while so Im like cool. That night before she left for the airport I told her we should hook up. Shes like well see maybe...All this was probably useless but it gets the things rolling on how we met so you get the general idea.

Anyway she touched down and came here that night ( in florida) I called her and we talked awhile. And I eventually asked her out, shes like let me think about it. So 3 weeks roll around and she finally gives me an anwser, Yes. I was so happy I cant even explain how hapy I was. But then I wondered in my head and still do. Why did she take so long to anwser me back ? she did bring up about her parents not letting her go out with me since shes 2 years younger than me ( im 17). And the long distance thing when she had to go back. But I think it was for other reasons.

Anyway. We had a awesome time while she was down here. Shes so incredible. She made this summer so awesome it was the best in the 4 years since Ive lived here. I spent all my time with her. If I wasn't working, I was with her. Sadly I had summer school so I couldnt see her in the morning, only afternoons till I got out. But none the less every moment i had off I would spend time with her you know the beach, the movies at her house ect. I told her I loved her 3 weeks into our relationship, I know it was to early for a guy at my age but its the way I felt, she told me she didnt feel the same for me and I was hurt yes but I understood, then about 2-3 weeks later she told me she loved me. The last week she was here ( time flys while your having fun) we started doing stuff, you know making out and stuff at my house, sadly it was the last week she was here and I wouldnt see her for another 4 months. So we made the best of it, we didnt have sex or anything or anything seriouse just making out and playing with eachother. First of all she has a history of cheating, and from what she told me " a skank in middle school" I usualy wouldnt date a girl like this but I like her so much. She also cheated on my freinds brother the previouse summer. She told me the full blown truth about that. supposably the kid didnt pay attention to her at all, so she cheated on him with another guy. They did stuff for 4 months. Then she told me she regreted it so much. But im like it was 4 months, not a few days or a week, thats a long time to be doing stuff like that then feel bad about it. And shes done stuff with several other guys ( not sex shes still a virgin) other things. Oh I forgot to mention before she left I gave her the option to break up while she was up north, and she was like why are you saying this and took it the wrong way when I just wanted her to be happy and no feel restricted. She told me no I love you and I promised you I wouldnt cheat on you. Now with having 3 other girls tell me this too then cheat on me when they only lived 3-5 miles away from me, and she lives 2,000 miles away I was very worried about being hurt again. This is were my Xgf comes into play I asked her yesterday what she thought about it. And she told me 99% she is cheating on me or will be in the next 2-3 weeks because girls love attention. Day in day out I think to my self if she is and whats going to happen if she does. Do I give her a second chance ? IMO once a cheater, always a cheater.. I always think negatively and not positively. But nows shes back home far far away. Thet feeling you get when your around someone, they just make you smile at any moment no matter how terrible the day is. They make you smile reguardless of whats going on and make all your problems disapear while there next to you, which to me is love. I love her so much and I want to be with her for a lifetime. But I cant be gauranteed this, she could get bored with me tommorow or a month from now - who knows. Basicly my question is what do I do, can I trust her ? There so many other guys she can have but obviously there something special about me she likes. She is extremely attractive and thats why I worry about her doing stuff. With guys pressuring her to do stuff and what not.

Also as a sidenote...

We talked about sex and stuff you know when she came in the holiday month of december. Now Ive gotten cold feet 2 times before were I got so scared I didnt want to do it. I usualy dont share this with anyone. But now I think to my self I was born this way, I should respect that at least. The main reason is Im "uncut" not circumsied. Being born in europe they dont cut you. I told her about it and she said she didnt care. But then again Im still insecure about it. Being around friends and people that are "cut" and hear girls talk about how "nasty" it is. Usualy americans, not trying to critise or anything but americans arnt accustomed to new things so they have to make fun of it if its not normal. But if anyone here has had this expirience I want to know will it feel any different ? How long will i last? ( would be really embarrasing to only last 5-10 mins)...

Wow this came out to be a REALLY long post, but in the end its good to get it off your shoulders. I just need to talk about it to someone that can share there opinions. So if your still confusing about my situation please feel free to ask questions to get a better understanding.

[Destiny]

You said she liked you for awhile..?What does that mean...
And as for the "once a cheater,always a cheater" thing,you said it was cos her bf at that time didnt pay attention to her..?If that's really the reason why she cheated,then it should be no problem if you treat her right...IMHO if you love someone you really got to trust them...and if she really loves you she isnt goin to be pressured by other's no matter what

Not all gulrs love attention...if you give her all your attention...she would have no reason to cheat right? Go slow for awhile...don't rush str8 into a relationship..try dating first for sometime(not just few months) before goin into a relationship wit her...

Im no love expert but hope you feel better after readin this..

Cut or uncut it doesnt matter.Its just you and her.If she says she don't mind then its ok..

[InYourHonor]

What I ment of "she liked me for a while" Thats when I asked her about her feelings towards me. And she said for a while as in the last time she was here she gained intrest in me. She didnt really have a good reason. All she said was she got to know me alot online and she liked me for other reasons.

Girls are wierd IMO. You can give them all the attention in the world and even with all the love you show them they still end up cheating on you. Ive only had these feelings before toward one of my girlfriends and she ended up cheating on me 4 months later, and tried to lie about it. Your right, if I really love her I should trust her but past doesnt disapear completely. I actually talked to her about some of these and my feelings yesterday and she understood.

[WallyLlama]

I'm sorry to say I can't stop being an old fart on this one!

If I'm reading correctly... she's 15?!!!

How much of a past can a 15 year old have! (Not sure I really want an answer to that question. LOL) My real point is that she's 15 and I'd expect her to act like a 15 year old... that includes dating around, having fun, and not necessarily getting involved in long term, committed relationships.

Can you trust her? I think that largely depends on how you each define "cheating." From everything you say in your post, it is clear that you don't trust her, so the better question might be "Do you want to learn to trust her?"

I'm guessing that you each are defining your relationship very differently... why not talk about your expectations of each other? Just remember she's 15 and, it seems, acting it... you're not marrying her, don't act like it. You and her have to figure what you ARE doing and how you both are going to manage not being together all the time.

[InYourHonor]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (WallyLlama @ Sep. 22 2005,02:13)]I'm sorry to say I can't stop being an old fart on this one!

If I'm reading correctly... she's 15?!!!

How much of a past can a 15 year old have! (Not sure I really want an answer to that question. LOL) My real point is that she's 15 and I'd expect her to act like a 15 year old... that includes dating around, having fun, and not necessarily getting involved in long term, committed relationships.

Can you trust her? I think that largely depends on how you each define "cheating." From everything you say in your post, it is clear that you don't trust her, so the better question might be "Do you want to learn to trust her?"

I'm guessing that you each are defining your relationship very differently... why not talk about your expectations of each other? Just remember she's 15 and, it seems, acting it... you're not marrying her, don't act like it. You and her have to figure what you ARE doing and how you both are going to manage not being together all the time.

Yes she is 15 - Is there something wrong with that ? See for a while Ive been going after younger girls, not for reasons you might think like because there easier to get in there panties, No thats not why I am. I have relized some younger girls are more mature (and around here not sluts) girls my age by the time you find one shes been pass around a few times. So yes I might be going after younger girls because there havent expirienced that yet and are "clean" you could say.

When I said past, you took it the wrong way obviously. To me its wierd and I have no idea why. Maybe because when we just talked then she started telling me what shes done and then I think to my self like wow shes not the "angel" girl I thought she was. I guess this is were " dont judge a book by its cover" comes into play. But shes done stuf like ex,..petting, touching and stuff. What normal girls her age would do. In middle school however she told me she did stuff like that with alot of guys for attention, then finally one day she got to much of it and didnt like the idea of people thinking she was "easy" so to say.

Wally your right. In conclusion I dont trust her, I want to but when I get this good feeling that she won't I have freinds & peers telling me she is and stuff, and Im basicly brought back down to that level again. And yes I know, I shouldnt listen to some people, and I dont but then it sits in the back of my head and I can't forget about it. Now for someone thats never cheated in any realation ship, which would be me. I was at work a couple of days ago, and as im working a hot girls walks by and I stare natrually to get a "view" of her. Then I think to my self, wow if I had a girl come up to me like that would I cheat on my girlfriend. This has never crossed my mind before, so then I think some more about it and wonder well what if a really hot guy she liked a while back or what not gets her attention and walks up to her. What would she do ? the whole point of this is I myself have never cheated and never will but it did cross my mind that one day, and I wonder to my self - if I havent being loyal and not wanting to hurt anyones feelings ( because I have plenty of times, and I know it hurts alot) what is she going to do if she has the chance of cheating on me? when shes had a taste of "cheating".So that was something i had to think about, her being a very attractive girl which leads to the fact she will get guys wanting a booty call and peer pressure. So I guess your right - I should learn to trust her, if I love her I should trust her and have no doubts. But why cant I bring my self to it ? Cheating to me is hard to explain, really. I guess it would be doing something with other guys, even a kiss would be cheating to me thats how touchy I am about it. Basicly not being faithful to me as a boyfriend.

I also forgot to anwser your statement. I would except her to act like a 15 year old too. But I grew up around grown ups so I would like to say Im more mature than the average kid. All my life till the age of 13-14 I grew up around people that were always 5-10 years older than me. And before we went out I talked to her about it. I told her I know your young and stuff and you want to experiment its the age you do this kinda stuff at and your probably not looking for a commited relationship at your age, and I am. So I hope you dont get the wrong impression of me as just being another "guy". And she told me that she wants a committed relationship, so we went along with it.

We together as a couple talk alot about our future as grown up and what we are going to do. Its wierd though, we talk about the future like us being together and stuff and have these stories, then i wonder to my self well could it actually happen. And yes it could, no one really knows. Matter of fact we were talking about the upcoming summer. I'll be going off to college, so when she comes down here for visit for the summertime I will only be able to see her everyday for 3-4 weeks. After that July rolls around and I have to start getting prepared for college example,... getting an apartment in Orlando, finding out were everthing is, the routes to school and stuff you know getting my self situated. So I'll be over an hour away and I will be limited to seeing her even whes shes down here. She told me that it does suck but she wants me to have fun with schooling and not stress about it reguardless of how hard it is.

[Destiny]

Let me ask you...if she ISNT a virgin.Would you still love her as much.And once again...what makes her unclean if she is not one.If a gurl loses her virgin,that doesnt make her any less special than any other gurl.Isnt the one you love the most special?To me its that way and yes,I accepted my gf regardless of what she did and who is she is.She's still special to me

[WallyLlama]

Just to clarify, there is nothing wrong with being 15. One of the points of my post was that she should get to be 15, not be expected to act like an old married lady.

As for "taking wrong" what you meant about her past... I drew no conclusions, actually. I was emphasizing that it's a relatively short past... and I certainly have no desire to judge her or her past. I tend to believe that any judgements we make about others ought to be made in the here and now.

It seems to me that you have a rather narrow definition of cheating (you say you are "touchy" about it)... so you are, in effect, setting her up to fail. Between her age and your definition of being faithful, the odds for success are very small. She says she wants a committed relationship... but that doesn't change the fact she's 15.

I'd suggest you lighten up a little and stop thinking so much. Enjoy what you have with her and build on it, but don't try to force it to be something it is not.

[InYourHonor]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (Destiny @ Sep. 23 2005,00:25)]Let me ask you...if she ISNT a virgin.Would you still love her as much.And once again...what makes her unclean if she is not one.If a gurl loses her virgin,that doesnt make her any less special than any other gurl.Isnt the one you love the most special?To me its that way and yes,I accepted my gf regardless of what she did and who is she is.She's still special to me

Yes I would still love if she wasn't a virgin depending on the circumstances. And I'll tell you why.That of which are and these are just my opinions on it - typicaly girls when they have sex for the first time are pressured by there boyfriends which are pressured by there friends. And usualy if the girl doesnt want to the bf says " if you love me you'll do it". So they end up having sex and the guy dumps her for another girl and shes hearth broken. Then with other bf(s) she gets carried away and does stuff thats considered dirty just because she was hurt and doesnt care anymore. And I speak from expirience. My gf my freshman year did have sex before 2 times, and she pressured me so to speak. She practicly begged me and I refused. Knowing shes done it before and I havent I was nervouse of what she would of think of me if I messed up, so I didnt feel comfertable with her. And it turns out thats all she really wanted and she left me when she claimed she loved me, but she couldnt even wait for me to be ready.

Basicly I want someone who hasnt had sex before because I could feel comfertable around them. We as "virgins" can share the same experience without one having more experience than the other and thus making us feel more secure about our selfs IMO. It might not make her special in a sense to other people but to me it does because once again we can share the same experience.

@Wally - Another person has told me im setting her up to fail, and I guess I am. Its just all this stuff Im thinking about lol its driving me crazy. When I try to forget about it and make the best of it it just comes back. Ive also been told by a friend ( which is a girl) and Ive known her for about 4 years and shes helped me with stuff like this that in her opinion the 3rd week we were going out she was using me as "charity" as in like someone down here to drive her around and take her place ect. When she went back up north comes up with an excuse like my dad or my mom think your to old for me and end it in a nice way when she actually doesnt want to be with me anymore. So I thought about that too. But anyway, I guess I will take that advice and just build up on it and enjoy what i have now and worry about the future further down the road...