Aftermath of a Breakup

[Morgandy]

I haven't told many friends and family members about my current situation - but the few I have offered me a different array of (explosive) reactions. So I was just curious as to what the average opinion would be on this matter.

My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We were living together. He had bugged me for months to move in with him, and I finally relented and moved towns and jobs. Things were seemingly going fabulous, until only a month later while he was at work - he broke up with me over MSN, claiming he missed the single life, and that I didn't offer quote on quote "Chaos and Variables" in the relationship. All of his previous relationships had been quite explosive (lots of drama supposedly).

The whole thing came as a shock, because we seemed really close and seemed to have a strong friendship as well as a romantic one. Our sex life was never boring to boot (the bedroom chemistry was incredible) The fact these 'chaos and variables' outshone what we had, tore me up inside.

But I came back home and went back to school to take up a full work load, and kept myself busy with friends to distract myself from the breakup. And while I was stressed out with homework and family matters instead, I guess I let my guard down and we started talking again.

He's been doing the four hour trip to my place to see me every other weekend for the past month, and me craving physical contact, I don't seem to have any problems sleeping with him on these occasions. We talk more than ever, he phones me while he's working, and he still says he loves me.

For a while, I was okay with this setup. It was comfortable, I had other things on my plate to distract me, and I had my freedom.

But I still love him, and I'm worried that once I'm ready to go back on the dating scene full force, he'll make it hard for me to move on. Sometimes, I still cry at night about what happened. At the same time, I value the friendship we still harbour as well.

As far as I know, he still doesn't want a relationship, and I can't see how one would work down the road again with me being back in school, and not being able to trust the risk of moving my life for him again. He's a small town boy, and I can't seem him switching careers for him to come live in the city either.

Maybe this is a no brainer. Is cutting him out of my life the most sensible thing to do? Or can I make this friendship work without comprimising what's best for me?

[c+m14335]

well i went out with my bf at the end of the year last year for a week or two i was missing being single, so i broke it off, but as soon as i did i regretted it, and wanted to get back together with him, we didnt talk much because of some rumors my friends started, but we are going back out now and we are happier than either of us ever have been i say be friends with him and see where it goes

[Tiana]

If he is going to keep on staying single and not wanting to commit, I think that you are the one who will keep getting hurt. I don't know how the situation is now .. but from an outsider's perspective I think it would be smarter for you to cut him out. It's harsh and it would hurt you, but in the long run you will be happier and healthier. I hope everything turns out fine whatever you choose to do

[Luvs2plzU]

don't wanna sound rude...but it looks like he's just looking for a warm wet spot to plant it....and that's all!!

[singlehoodsucks]

A friendship in this situation most likely will not work out right now. Give it a year, maybe more.

[WallyLlama]

I'd just throw this thought out... sometimes when people are having trouble "getting over" a relationship it's because they are in love with the relationship, not so much the person.

If two people are in love... really in love... they become a couple, an "us." Becoming an us doesn't necessarily mean you'll always agree or always share the same values and preferences, but it does mean that your love makes you want to figure out how to live with those differences, etc.

Do you love him enough to do that? Does he love you enough to do that?

Sometimes knowing the right question is more important than knowing the answer.

[Morgandy]

Thanks guys! *I appreciate all the responses.

I think I knew the answer before I even pressed the 'send' button to this post...

*Unfortunately*, over the past few weeks I realized I still was willing to make sacrifices for him. *However... I was rudely awakened buy the fact it's unrequieted when he asked me to help his relationship with him and an ex girlfriend he had still been getting over while he were together. *Apparently he's still in love with her... *and my 'friendship' feels undconditional enough to him that I could help him out on that front (as absurd as that sounds). *It stemmed from the fact I had recently helped him and another friend patch things up.

So I got a nice slap in the face. *Hurts like a bitch, but problem solved.

[swish]

Sounds as if he is like the ex of a friend of mine who's ex is always in love with the previous G/F. He said he loved my friend but not as much as his ex. Now she is the ex with a child by him and his new G/F gets the story that he loves her but not as much as my friend.

These kind of men need to grow up and not muck around with their current partners emotions but that is unlikely while we women accept this behaviour. Jmho.

[Morgandy]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]Sounds as if he is like the ex of a friend of mine who's ex is always in love with the previous G/F. He said he loved my friend but not as much as his ex. Now she is the ex with a child by him and his new G/F gets the story that he loves her but not as much as my friend.

These kind of men need to grow up and not muck around with their current partners emotions but that is unlikely while we women accept this behaviour. Jmho.

You've got it nailed right on the head. I'm heart broken to hear your friend has to deal with that too, with the father of her child

I don't wanna accept this behavior anymore. I'm tired of crying for him, or thinking about him, or caring about him so much when I know my only role in his life is to sit on the backburner and pick up the slack when things aren't going so well, or he feels lonley.

I'm done with it.

[singlehoodsucks]

Good for you. Wish I had your resolve...