Men & Commitment

[Tiana]

Do boys/men get more comfortable with commitment as they grow older?

I just read in some other topic that "relationships don't mature with time, they mature if you work at them" or something along those lines. The thing is, I think deep down my boyfriend (17) and I (18) both know we have a lot of problems to sort out but neither of us is willing to bring it up. I'm afraid to talk to him about it because I know most boys around my age, or men of all ages, tend to avoid expressing their emotions.

What is a good way to talk to a guy about relationship problems?
And how do you get them to actually work with you ON your relationship?

Thanks!

[secretly_shy]

I think it just depends on the guy, ive known 15 year olds who are ready to settle, as well at 35 year old men who are single and roaming around town!

I dont think you can expect commitment at any "age" unless the guy himself feels ready.

[WallyLlama]

Huge topic... any attempt to simplify and generalize regarding relationships and commitment is bound to be wrong.

It is, however, interesting that we often speak about commitment in a relationship but rarely speak about sharing in a relationship. It is the sharing that leads to commitment. Too often we seem to think that establishing commitments somehow "proves" that we are sharing.

Loripop and I share a lot and more often than not our sharing leads us to making a commitment to each other.

So... my question is, "Is this a post about commitment or is it about relationship problems and sharing?" I'm not trying to nitpick. There is a big difference. If you have "lots of problems" to sort out, there is little point in being concerned about commitment.

How to get him to work with you on the relationship? That's a very individualized answer that depends on him - and you. But you'll probably find some success if you make the relationship important, not the problems. Find a goal that you both can share for your relationship and let that goal drive what you do.

It's a lot like the old advice about keeping the horse in front of the cart. Commitment does NOT drive a relationship. Relationships foster commitment.

[Acid_Burn]

every guy and every girl is different am 17 and in a serious relationship while maybe some 28 year may not be... all depends on the person, you just cant hope your problems will go away i say talk to him i cant hurt

[Tiana]

Thanks for all your advice I agree that it does depend on the guy. The situation is getting even more complicated over here .. but we're going to talk it through soon. Thanks again!

[c+m14335]

the way i look at it is to have a healthy thriving relationship you have to have 100% comunnication, u and ur bf arent going to get past ur problems unless u talk them over, relationships are hard work u have to work at them to make them work, u cant just sit there, i say talk to him about them

[MasterBater101]

I am 18 and ready for commitment so it definatley varies