Getting over her...

[Souljah]

Hi

Heres my situation.

Theres a girl who I've known for about 2 years now.
After being sort of aquaintences, moving to casual friends, to semi dating at the beginning of this year, to just fooling around (friends with benefits), then back to just being sort of friends again I kind of have a problem, I still really like her.

We basically went back to being friends because I told her how much I liked her and didnt really want to just be friends, and me wanting to let her know instead of bottling it up.
She liked/likes me but was never up for a relationship and this was the problem, because I just wanted a slightly more secure situation...

Anyway after a little time apart we still hang out every now and then and she contacts me alot to come down her work and similar...I dont think she wants anything more with me although we still have quite a unique relationship given past events, and I'm allowed to do things she wouldnt let other 'mates' do...

But I have this problem that I thought was going away only to discover it had come back stronger than before, and, even after witnessing many of her 'bad' points or things that may put me off I find myself just shrugging them off and still feeling that I really want to be with her.


What can I do to get over her?

I don't really want to stop seeing her, but is this the best thing to do to get over her?
Or to see her until I eventually lose these feelings?
Or to come out and tell her that I still have feelings for her and make a decision based on her reaction?
Or tell her that I have these feelings for her and that I dont think its a good idea we see eachother anymore instead of just cutting off contact with her without and explanation (like one of the earlier points)

Has anyone had a similar situation?

Its gotten to a point where I cant get her off my mind and its driving me crazy. Sounds silly a pathetic but being around her just makes me happy, but not being able to BE WITH her also makes me sad at the same time....

Would appreciate any feedback very much

[mjv154]

You really need to stop and think about what you want to do. Then stick to the choice you make. There are really two ways I think you could take this.

1. You figure out that there tons of other girls out there who would love to date a nice guy and you put your mind on them and not worry about this chicky who's giving you the run around.

2. You cool your jets, hang out with her and let what happens happen. I've heard so many guys tell me EXACLTY what you just did. We were friends, then more than friends, I professed my undying love for her and now we are back to being just friends.

If you would have just kept your mouth shut and enjoyed the ride, things may have worked out a little better for ya. So don't make the same mistake twice! If she calls and wants to hang out and your free go for it. If she and you end up doing things that other "mates" don't do. Enjoy it!

The fact of the matter is that you can enjoy the time you spend with her, and look for other women, in the mean time things may even end up progressing with her.

[Souljah]

While I take your point and think your advice is good.

I HAVE been getting on with my life and not centering it around her. Not seeing her and meeting new people. I have another girl (well woman really) who I might start seeing, she is due to arrive this week (from Bermuda) and will stay for long enough to get to know properly...

But the point I'm trying to make is that no matter what I do, how many other women I talk to and or activities I take part in, it all sems to lead back to thinking about her.
I don't think I will feel that 'spark' I feel around her with anyone else any time soon, and deep down I dont really want to.

It doesnt consume my day, thinking about her, but it is something that is starting to get on my nerves because I do have more important things to be getting on with and really should be concentrating on them. But without resolving this I don't know how I can do this properly...

[mjv154]

I know what it is like......to stop at some random point in your day and think about her. To believe that if you thought hard enough, that she might round that corner and walk back into your arms.

I know because I lost someone very special to me, and not a day goes by I don't lend some of my thoughts to her. Annoying? At times. Painful? It can be. It can also be nice to think about good things that have happened and remind yourself that good things will happen again.

You'll never feel the same spark with anyone - each person's is different, but there are other sparks out there that can ingnite a fire in your soul.

Some words of understanding and consolation are all I can give you my friend. In the end you will still think of her, as you should think of the people you care for.

It will lessen someday... it's just funny how someday never seems to come soon enought.

Good luck.