08-31-2005, 01:13 PM
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ok I'll take things from the VERY VERY TOP:
I have been "officialy" friends with a girl for 4 years as she is the daughter of a family friend. well i have had a crush on her ever since i met her when she was 14 and i was 18 but obviously at that age the age difference was tremendous so i just let be things be knowing that she is quite a shy girl (her father died when she was 6 so she is very attached to her mother - as i see it but i'm no psycologist) and I felt that she was uncomfortable around me. well now 4 years have gone by (and they flew by incidently) and so i am 22 and she is 18 (yea i know u worked that out all by urselves) and she now seems well i'm not sure one day interested in me and one day not so although this seems to coincide with there been more people around (like my granny) so i think that maybe it is time to start been freinds with her and not just official friends just bcause she it the daughter of a family friend and start to get to know her better a difficult thing as she is shy and for that matter me too so it does complicate matters but i realy do like her. anyhow my minor question is how can i approach her taking in consideration what i have said so far and my major question is how do i let her understand I am in no hurry for sex as realy i think she will not be ready for some time and i don't want her to get the impression that is all i am after as i like her as a person first of all and she actually is a pretty girl. well i think that is enough bait for now but i'll give u more details if necesary. 
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09-01-2005, 01:47 AM
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A simple answer would be "Treat her as a friend" and it's actually not a bad one. The key is to increase and deepen the friendship and take it slow in the romance/sex department.
I'd suggest doing some friendly things together - not necessarily dates, but some natural activities. It's hard to be specific without knowing you both but it might be as simple as going to the library or shopping together. The key is to spend time together without a lot of family around. Since she knows you well she probably trusts you more than you realize, so the sex thing shouldn't be an issue, really. Relax, trust yourself and trust her. It's important to make communication central to relationships, but I'd quickly add that you should respect her shyness. You'll want to deepen the relationship at a pace that doesn't threaten her or make her uncomfortable. Since you've been patient for four years, that's not going to be a big challenge for you as long as you don't over-engineer things. Let her help you set the pace so you are in it together.
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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09-04-2005, 01:14 PM
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yea thats the sort of lines i was thinking on but as she lives in a different town that does make it a bit difficult but still not impossible
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09-05-2005, 03:22 AM
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In some ways, the distance can be a positive if you view it that way... it will help prevent you from getting to intense too quickly.
How natural it will be to "come into town" and "get together with a friend." In fact, that's how you approach her... you're not exactly asking for date. You're coming to town and would like to spend some time with your friend.
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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09-06-2005, 05:06 AM
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well i have now decided not to work saturdays as it is overtime anyhow and will be working two towns away (am english in southern italy) so i will actually have to pass thru her town and that will be a nice reason for popping in now and then
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09-07-2005, 02:55 AM
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There ya go!
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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09-08-2005, 11:06 AM
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yes though i must admit i do feel a bit uneasy still i suppose itss one of those gambles and things in life that must be got thru
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09-09-2005, 06:03 AM
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Yup! And I think - particularly early in life - it's important to be uneasy from time to time. Most people are uneasy when they enter new territory. But it's new territory that most often holds the treasures.
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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09-09-2005, 12:45 PM
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hm isuppose so say any idea on conversation topics ?
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09-10-2005, 03:10 AM
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Keep it natural... if she's shy you may find yourself talking about yourself a lot... that won't necessarily be a bad thing because she'll not feel "pressured."
School, jobs, hobbies, news events, family, sports, the weather... Again, the key is "natural." Don't interview her by asking a lot of questions... and don't be surprised if it all comes easier than you are expecting.
__________________
"The most fundamental form of human stupidity is forgetting what we were trying to do in the first place."
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