Friends for 15 years...

[Mistress_Nyx]

Well this one will either be a doosey, or real simple.

I've been good friends with this guy for 15 years; since we were in high school. Personally, I have always wanted a relationship with him, but I was always afraid of losing a good friend over having a lover.

The sexual tension is thick enough that you can cut it with a knife when we are near each other. We are always holding one another. Hell, he has gone as far as rubbing my nipples with his thumbs while he hugged me from behind or hugging me and biting my neck while his (now ex) girlfriend watched. To having his arm around me while his GF was on his other side and by-passing her to hug me. People at the bar thought we were together. We had talked about ourselves and we have come to the conclusion that we are soul mates.

I had been raped while I was in HS and I didn't tell anyone about it for years after. I told him after I hadn't seen him for a couple of years. He thought I had lesbian tendancies because I shied away from everyone. I never went into a relationship because I didn't want the baggage of crap that HS has. I was more of a one night stand girl at the bar (I was hanging at the bar at 15). But I did tell him that I don't hate men and that I knew they weren't all like those bastards. I always held out hope for guys like him. There were many times when I knew he was going for a kiss but backed off and bit my neck. I'm thinking it was because of my "problems."

He had told me one night that he wanted to hit on me but was afraid I would kick his ass, lol.

Well, he is now sans GF and we've been talking ALOT. He calls me almost every night. I am driving 10 hours to pick him up and bring him to my 27 acres upstate NY for my medieval gathering (I'm a medievalist and so is he). We'll be spending 2 days with my group, but a couple days before and after alone, together.

He calls to tell me he wanted to hear my voice and how much he misses me. You think this could be an "all systems go" signal? I personally will play it by ear.

I am stupid when it comes to relationships. I had been in one or two for brief periods of time. And I mean, milk outlasted them. I was never a relationship person and when the word love was mentioned, I was gone. I had seen too many relatioships go sour and I just didn't want the hurt of one.

We always tell each other "I love you" and that is not something taken lightly on either part. All my friends and his father are surprised we aren't together by now.

I think when I go get him, it will be time to find out if it is worth jumping in and finding out. But I am not one to initiate the issue, maybe I should? I think he is thinking too much of what had happened to me and waiting on my cue. But then again, I will still sit back and wait.... Confusing. As I said, it is either a doosey or real simple.

..........maybe feigning a need for one of his patented back massages would be a good ice breaker..........or offering one of my own.........

To let the ladies know, he is a platnium blond viking with ice blue eyes <g>.

[WallyLlama]

This may be a little off the wall... or at least less than traditional... (I'm thinking that the instinct to analyze is, in the case, not the way to go) but it could be just this simple.

Why not share all of these questions and concerns with him and figure out what to do together? It sounds like you've been doing a pretty good job of that so far... just take it a level higher.

There is a huge lesson to be learned in this and, unfortunately, it's a lesson that very few people seem to learn. We get very good at understanding ourselves and analyzing our relationships, how we feel and think about the other person, etc. In so doing we kinda forget that the relationship involves a second person so it's really not just about what we do or don't do.

From your description it sounds like all systems are go... that the sharing you've done has been very mutual, there's lots of trust and compassion (not to mention passion LOL). Crank it up... decide together how far and how high.

You can't forget about your past, certainly... but there's no need to let it control your future either. Remember that he has a past as well... the questions are where are you now and where would you both like to go together?

Enjoying the journey is so much easier and a lot more fun when you are truly sharing it with another.

[Brandye]

The ice has been well broken. All that is left is to be certain you are current on contraception when you go medieval! There is really noalternative; that is where you aregoing. The alternative is breaking off all contact.

This may the beginning of a wonderful relationship; it may be the end of a friendship or you may reduce the tension to return to being good friends.

Several years ago I went through a similar though less intense experience. Twelve years, he married and living far enough away to be safe, I after a few relationships. We really connected and had a delightful time for a while requiring a bit of travel. We decided it was great, that it had to be done but that we (he, especially) had too much to lose and we are great friends today. I am glad we did and can think of no other way we could have resolved the Complete breaking would have set us both up to always wonder what might have been.

I am not advocating the adultery that we were engaged in for anyone else. We do not even see it as such; we see it as completing unfinished business. Delightfully.

[Mistress_Nyx]

LMAO! Thanks guys!

When the sun goes down, you don't know HOW medieval people get at these camping events, lol. It's pretty interesting to see.