Any input would be greatly appreciated

[Orangekrush]

I'm going into my senior year of college in the fall and I really don't want it to end the same way the rest of my school years, including those in high school, have. *I've never had a boyfriend, never kissed anybody...and sex isn't even in my vocabulary at this point. *There are lots of people out there with this problem, but I genuinely feel that there's no reason for me to be in this situation. *

I'm a college athlete, so you know I take care of my body, I've always hung out with the "popular" kids, but I'm not an elitist as I've always had friends that weren't considered in that group. *I'm not the hottest piece of ass out there, but by all standards I'm at least average. *And if I had a nickel for every time I heard a guy tell me I was one of the coolest people he'd ever met I'd be able to pay somebody to by my boyfriend. *

My dating history is pathetic. *Since my freshman year in high school I've asked out 12 guys only to be rejected everytime with one particularly harsh rejection that scarred me for years. *I even got tons of crap from my friends for asking out guys who they felt were light years below my league. *Those guys didn't say yes either. *About a year ago I decided I didn't want to put myself through that hurt anymore and stopped asking guys out. *Except for one. *One night we were having a heart to heart and he told me he wished he could date somebody as cool as me. *At which point I asked him why didn't he just go out with me then. *I realize this wasn't a very good pick up line, but I honestly wanted to know why guys tell me this and don't want to date me. *He ended up telling me that he thought I was just one of those girls who will always be a great friend but never turn out to be girlfriend material. *

At the time I thought "yeah, right" and just let it pass. *But looking back I'm starting to wonder if maybe he's right. *I've taken every opportunity to try to start a relationship and have gotten nothing. *I've sat back and tried to let these things come to me, and they never do. *I've flirted with more guys than I can remember and they never flirt back. *I don't know what to do anymore other than just give up. *

So, I just want to know what any of you think. *I've listened to my friends and taken their advice which hasn't worked. *I think now it's time to listen to somebody else. *

Thank you for your time.

[Sailormanjack]

Dear Orangekrush,

What a wonderful, heartfelt posting! I believe you will get lots of advice here. Some of it will be very good advice. All I can think of at this time is to wish you the best.

[HerPleasure06]

I’m not trying to be critical but I’m just wondering how is your approach when you try to go for someone you like? Do you approach them as just friends or do you throw in flirting at the same time?

[Konman72]

I was in a similar situation, I came to college without ever having a real girlfriend, I had never even kissed a girl. By the end of my freshman year I had lost my virginity. What happened for me was that I finally found a girl who was forward, and just forced me to do all the things that I had been scared to do for myself.

I know this sounds pretty immoral, but I would suggest that you go to frat parties, or places where people drink. Join in some drinking games, and just try to have fun. You may not get a boyfriend, but you may get a make out session or two. While this may not be ideal for your first kiss, it will loosen you up so that in the future you aren't feeling desperate and scared. Of course, I would definately suggest that you not have sex, that might be a bit much.

[lilly2279]

Well you sound like you could maybe just be an intimidating girl? Not on purpose, of course. But it sure does sound like you have a lot of energy (in your athletic portion of your life) and in the fact that you have actually asked out that many men. I don't know of a single girl who has asked that many guys out. From your post you seem to be very outgoing, maybe even with a bit of a very strong personality?

Like I'm thinking you're the type of girl who just doesn't care, or acts like she just doesn't care. Sits with the guys, talks about sports, burps, etc. This may not be you at all! This is just what I'm thinking in my head of girls I knew who never really dated in school. I'm envisioning you as a girl who wears old jeans and a t-shirt to school or your track shorts or something with your hair pulled back in a pony tail. You may fix yourself up for going out or whatever, but guys may still see you as the jock girl or whatever. I may be totally off base, I don't know. I'm not trying to generalize you or say anything you do is wrong.

I mean, people seem to like you. they seem to enjoy your personality for the most part. Do you have a lot of close girlfriends? i can only think that you may have too strong of a personality and that it intimidates men. I'm not sure. something about you is slightly intimidating or mildly overbearing? Again, not trying to be rude. The guys in your school just may not be ready for you yet. Have you looked at the athletic quiet kind of guys? that is probably your best match, if I have hit any part of your personlity. If you have a strong personality, you may not bond well with someone else who has a strong personality. So look for someone that is vastly different from you.

Well I don't know if I helped... But I hope I gave a little bit of a suggestion. People can be jerks. don't let it get you down and don't let it rule your existance. Do what you gotta do and things will fall into place. You'll probably meet a great guy that will be so happy you haven't been around the block and back with every frat guy at your university.

[Orangekrush]

HerPleasure06: It depends. When I flirt it's usually with somebody I met that night or only see at parties or bars, but don't really know them. I do very little flirting with my guy friends. The times I've been hurt the worst is when I've tried to turn a good friendship into a relationship. I try to stay away from doing the friend thing and flirt thing at the same time.

Konman72: I make the normal rounds on a Saturday night; the frat houses, the dorms, the sports houses. I'm no stranger to it. You're talking to the anchor leg of the annual keg races championship flip cup team. ;D

Lilly2279: Wow, I think you might know me better half the people I know! Every aspect of it, from doing the old jeans on weekdays to getting really dressed up on the weekends. Do you think I need to step away from myself and just hold back? It's no secret I have a type A personality. I never really wanted to compromise myself, but turning it down a few notches isn't really doing that. I also mostly hang out with my guy friends. For the most part my girl friends make too much drama for my taste. Would spending more time with them help as well?

Thanks for the replies all of you!

[lilly2279]

Never hold your personality back!! Unless it's the burping farting part of it. lol

The only problem you're really faced with is the fact that you're surrounded by immature people. lol

Men, although they don't always know it, like a woman with a bit of mystery. If you're sitting in between them watching the football game and arguing over who has the better chance at the superbowl this season, you're not a mystery. You're one of them. It's like every single teenage overdone movie where the guy doesn't see the girl until they go out on a date on a dare and she dresses up and he's like "woah! a girl!" lol.

Your best match really is a guy who is on the shy side. You probably tend to gravitate towards men who have similar personalities to your own - ever tend to notice that they tend to go towards the shy sweet girl? You gotta find your shy sweet guy. And he won't be at your local frat party probably. or if he is, you won't notice him right away. Look a bit harder for him. Maybe hanging by the door cuz his buddies dragged him there.. you've seen him.

I'm a type A, as well. I have a guy who is very sweet and affectionate, and stands down and lets me shine you know? I don't know what type that is exactly... Shy, likes to chill at home with a movie and is non competitive and has to be tugged towards goals. lol. Perfect match thus far! Of course I first married another A and I just had too much trouble controlling him. lol. I became the shy introvert and wasn't myself. Weird, huh?

So basically start looking at different guys. Start visiting some new places. By yourself is fine. You don't have to start hanging out more with other girls if it doesn't suit you, besides, they are competition. lol. Shy men are more comfortable with one on one conversations. And they get less shy once you get to know them, they just warm up a little bit slower. it's a nice match.