Can't figure her out

[LastChance]

Ok sorry if this post gets a little long but its a really complicated situation and I'm really confused.

We met in April, flirted a few weeks, I got her number we hung out a few times, went on a couple lunch dates, things seemed to be going good. *One night when I wasn't around she got really really drunk to the point where she blacked out and one of my fraternity bros slept with her. *After I found out I didn't know that she had blacked out so I didn't talk to her for about 2 weeks. I decided to give her another chance. Once I got her side of the story (she didn't remember sleeping with him, until I told her) I felt that we would be able to move past what happened and move on with our relationship. *We got together a few times and things seemed to be progressing slowly.

Mixed signals:
She always seemed to be really busy so alot of the times that I would ask her out she would have other things going on. Whenever I would call her and leave mssgs or she said she would call me back she rarely ever did. I always was the one calling her, she rarely called me. We went out to dinner and after that I didn't see her for a week and barely talked to her. *

Reasonable explanations that I just can't seem to accept:
She has other things going for her in life which is good because I"m tired of dating clingy girls. *She wants me to pursue her, she mentioned a few times that I"m the guy whenever I asked what she wanted to do, so since then I've planned everything without her input.

The current problem:
When I did finally talk to her face to face she told me that I should give up chasing her because when she sees me she always thinks about what happened that night. She already doesn't want anything to do with my fraternity and that is a big part of my life. *Yet we talked for an hour and ended up getting a good-bye kiss. I've talked to her a couple times online/phone since then and she always seems happy to hear from me and when we go out she seems to be having a good time.

What I want to know is she trying to tell me nicely to go away? Is she still playing hard to get? I keep thinking she is playing games with me but maybe its because I usually am the one playing games but I haven't with her.

Sorry for the long post but I think all of the background info helps. If you get through it all any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[demonbuttercup]

Well basically she was raped. I think maybe she likes you and is trying to come to terms with what happened.
But, if you and your frat constantly remind her of what happened, then I doubt there can be anything there.
Personally I wouldn't want to be associated with a group who takes advantage of women who are blacked out, but thats just me.
Yea Yea, happens all the time at college, she was drunk, blah, she was still raped, end of story.
If you dont give consent ( or if you do but you are not in the right mental capacity to be doing so) its still assault.

[WallyLlama]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (LastChance @ June 28 2005,04:08)]...she told me that I should give up chasing her because when she sees me she always thinks about what happened that night. She already doesn't want anything to do with my fraternity and that is a big part of my life.

It could be just as simple as those few sentences, especially the second.

She might be telling you that she and you are in two very different places. Your life is about your frat, something she wants no part of... she might like you being more interested in her, but that means "joining" your frat, more frat parties, etc.

And your decision may be that simple. She may not be playing hard to get, but she is making her terms clear, perhaps even clearer than she realizes. Don't be misled by her "you're the guy" comments. She has thoughts and feelings about where to go on dates and about your relationship. Find out what they really are and decide if they work for you. You already know that bringing her to frat events is not on the agenda.

[mspersia82]

You should secretly tape record your frat bro's admission that he had sex with an incapacitated woman. Then show the tape to the police. How can you expect a woman that was raped to function normally, especially with a man that still associates with such people?

[LastChance]

UPDATE:

I decided to let her go, hopefully she will be able to deal with what happened to her better and eventually move on. She came over to my house and I told her that I was going to let her move on with her life without me and that I realized that she couldn't start things with me because of what happened. She told me that it was one of the nicest things I could have done for her. Even though letting the girl of my dreams get away was one of the hardest decesions that I've had to make I let her go because it was the best thing I could do for her.

P.s. I got the sweetest goodbye kiss I could ever ask for.

thank you all for your advice I really appreciate it since I had no one else that I could confide in. Thanks

[demonbuttercup]

that was really awesome and unselfish of you
and who knows... maybe if she is able to work things out... you 2 might meet again further down the line.