Awwww.... crap.

[deliriousndazed]

Some of you won't believe me. Most of you won't understand me. But it is true: I'm in love with two men.

I have been seeing Guy#1 for over a year and we are deliriously happy together. We love each other more than life itself and are pretty sure that we are soulmates and made to be together forever (no matter how corny that sounds). Guy#2 has been seeing his GF for over a year as well and they are in the same situation: in love and sure that they are meant to be.

I have always been a bit attracted to Guy#2 and at a recent party, we had the opportunity to chat quite a bit. We even flirted a little and a few days after the party, we started to chat online. One thing led to another and we started to see each other behing our significant others backs, just talking quite a lot and a few brief make-out sessions. That lasted about a week and half until he spent the night at my place (we didn't sleep with each other, by the way) and, when the morning came, he decided we had to end this "relationship" now before we got too attached and started to lie outright to his GF and my Guy#1. It hurt, because I really started to like Guy#2 and his company, but I knew he was doing the right thing and that this had to stop. However, the next day, we chatted online and he told me he missed me and that he wanted to see me again, that he felt he had left too abruptly. We saw each other the following night. It was a bit awkward, but we were straightforward with each other and what we were feeling: basically, we know its wrong, but we can't help but see each other. We still love our significant others. He isn't jealous of my Guy#1 and I'm not jealous of his GF. But we couldn't deny that we have strong feelings for each other, a huge crush that was starting to look a lot like love. We came to the conclusion that we couldn't stop seeing each other, that we mentally couldn't manage it and we are hoping that, eventually, we will get tired of each other, a bit bored, and that we will drift apart. In fact, I guess that that could explain why we started such a relationship in the first place: we had a bit of a routine going with our significant others and that the feeling of being with someone new is why we are so drawn to each other.

Anyways, that's my story. I don't want you to judge me, please. But I am a girl, and I love input and any thoughts that others may have. Am I doing the right thing? Can anyone relate? Any experiences, good or bad, to be shared here? I'd greatly appreciate it!

Thanks for reading and I'd love to read any opinions at all.

[WallyLlama]

And the problem is...?

The point is, I don't see one! It sounds to me like you have a wonderful friend and that you both have your relationship in perspective.

It's a horrible myth to suggest that once we commit to one person we will never be attracted to or interested in another person and that myth is the basis for a lot of unhealthy guilt, as you are discovering.

Just be honest with each other and yourselves. Only you can decide if you are "doing the right thing." I'd caution you against justifying relationship #2 with faults in relationship #1 (boredom). Simply accept the attraction you both are feeling and figure out how to manage it and make it work for both of you... which is exactly what you seem to be doing! If you can't find a basis for #2 other than the boredom with #1, the common advice would be to "fix" the boredom.

And it probably wouldn't be bad advice.

Yes, you may get tired of each other... you also may not. It sounds like this is not about sex, and that suggests there is simply something about each other that connects you, perhaps in a very special way that you haven't yet identified. The crush may subside, but you may always feel a closeness to each other. I think we can "love" things about people... and in a way "love" them without them necessarily being the best choice for a life partner.

By the way, guys like input too. LOL

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

oddly, i pretty much disagree with everything wally has said.
I believe its possible to love 2 people, or many people in fact.. but to suggest keeping a relationship behind a loved ones back? sorry to me if i loved someone as much as you say. there is no way i'd be able to do that behind their back SPECIALLY if you have been together for so long AND you have just recently met this person...

Just something to think about... like wally sayd maybe its boredom with your bf thats why you are lookin elsewhere... maybeeee you should focus on finding things for you 2 to do together instead of cheating

[lilly2279]

Ah, I was going to say pretty much the same think Lady said!

If there is a flaw or boredom with guy#1, but you love him and think you will be together, then fix it. Tell him how you feel. Discuss how you can get out of your routine and make things fresh again. Strike up a new interested together. Role play. maybe go out separately and have him "pick you up" at a local bar and have a "one night stand" or something a little kinky and different.

I won't judge because you can't help how you feel. But you can help hurting your guy #1. If you have to do in in private or secret you know it's not technically 'right'. Be friends with guy #2, but maybe try to stay out of each other's beds and limit the alone time unless you know you can control yourselves.

I had that problem with a very close friend of mine. I was dating someone else and spent some alone time with my friend because he wanted to borrow my computer for something. We ended up kissing and thankfully stopping before we did anything more. But from then on we limited our "alone" time since we knew the attraction could lead to problems. He's still a great friend and my current bf does know about him. We just know better than to do something to hurt the people we love.

[Rawbob]

I agree with Lady and Lilly and will add this:

If you came here to find justification for cheating on your BF for over one year, you're not going to get it from me.

Yep, i said it..cheating. You are cheating on a man and relationship that you yourself describe as being

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]deliriously happy together. We love each other more than life itself and are pretty sure that we are soulmates and made to be together forever (no matter how corny that sounds).

Sorry sweetie, you can't feel that way, and still claim to be honest in any way, shape or form.

How would you feel if you found your BF of over a year was lying to you about seeing a female friend of yours? Happy? Excited that he found another person to love? Run up and hug him and encourge him to see her whenever he could?

NOT!

You're in LUST with the new guy. You are infatuated. You are cheating. You are lying to yourself, your BF, the guy you're cheating with and his GF. See, it's a ripple effect. What you and he are doing is also hurting the other 2 in the mix.

Is this worth the risk? Losing a BF and mabye 2 other friends?

As far as i can sense, this is a train-wreck ready to happen. You tried to stop, and you both again succombed to your "selfish needs."

Wanna fix it...you BOTH tell your existing partneres about how you feel! Be grown up. Be honest. Be adult.

Then, write back and tell us how those two people react to your rendevous.

I'm sorry to be so upfront. But, I, along with many of our readers who have been cheated on, will echo my post.

You are going to do what you are going to do. BUt to call it anyting more than a lie, and that you are cheating is just compounding your self-justification of your behavior.

Please, do those of us who ARE in love, and work hard every day at our relationships, and do NOT say you are in LOVE with 2 men!

If this is how you define love, you have alot of growing-up to do. How can you say you LOVE your BF of 1+ year and yet sneak off with another man? Sex or no sex...you're cheating. You're lying.

You will reap what you sow unless you stand up and do the right thing!

[deliriousndazed]

Hello everyone,

I really appeciated all feedback, both good and bad. I have tried to end it with Guy#2... three times! Obviously not a success story... I know I need to do the right thing and that I must choose one or the other. I can't have both and I know that, but I can't. I don't know what to do. Everytime I try to talk about this with Guy#2, we both agree we should "breakup" and then we do... only to confess three days later that all we thought about is each other. We can't and won't leave our significant others and we can't leave each other. I'm screwed now.... I thought it was all good but... it can't be. It's wrong. Help!

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

you cant do this.. you can't do that.. well what the hell can you do.
ask yourself that, obviously you can go with your urges and go against your "SIGNIFICANT" others back... thats something you CAN do right?
sorry if i sound like a bitch, you got yourself in this mess, GET YOURSELF OUT if thats really what you want...because sounds to me like you dont WANT to choose sounds to me like you'd rather just keep this crap up, because if yo uwanted it over with the guy #2.. you would.

[Rawbob]

Clearly she dind't really read the posts.

This is kinda like the theif who leaves clues so he can get arrested - cause he really knows he's doing bad but can't stop so he just makes it a bit easier to get caught.

THey can't act like responsible adults, so they're gonna continue cheating, and let the chips fall where they may.

She knows she's cheating, he know's he's cheating - they are just waiting for their respective BF/GF's to find out. Then just deal with it.

Sad.

[yasunde]

Cheating sucks. Don't do it. I've had far too many friends cry over it.

Too bad you aren't a guy, or I'd tell you to grow some balls.

[deliriousndazed]

Jesus, cool it people. It's not like I didn't know what I was doing. I wanted emotional support. I was feeling pretty f*cked up and you didn't make me feel much better or understood...

That being said, I left my Guy#1. I finally admitted to myself that I didn't love him anymore. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life. I never felt so miserable and lonely and lost in my entire life, but I did the mature thing and I am now alone, but I know that's what I had to do. I also told my ex about the whole thing with Guy#2. Guy#2 told his girlfriend has well, but they are still together. Guy#2 and I stopped seeing each other the day after I left my Guy#1. So Guy#2 is happy again with his girlfriend, my boyfriend now knows the truth (but we still are friends) and I totally accept the situation. I knew from the start that Guy#2 would never leave his girlfriend and that all of this would end eventually. Please, none of you tell me "I told you so". I told myself so. I'm just kind of lonely, I don't need snotty remarks. Anyways, thanks to everyone who posted supportive or at least understanding and respectful messages.