Kinda Sad

[Broly238]

So this girlfriend Im dating. Well a month ago she was with another guy and he of course had sex with her. He is also my friend, and he doesn't seem to treat women very well... Hes lies and cheats... And stuff, not good. Anyway, she had sex with another guy after they broke up to get back at him... So a total of 5 times.... But with my friend and her, they only went out for a week....

Now me and her are together. We haven't done much together, I am not a pushy guy when it comes to sex because I respect what she thinks and feels and if shes ready.

But anyway, I keep thinking about it, about her having sex with other guys. I know its dating. But for god sakes shes 15. and Im 17....

I just keep thinking about what they did and how my friend used her for sex in the relationship... I just want those thoughts to go away and I just want to think about me and her and our future. Because I care a lot about her already. And im sad that she was treated that way...

Im really weird about it right now. Ive never really done much sexual stuff with any girl at all... So to me, when I hear that she did that with another guy... Then it just makes me feel weird... I mean I want her to be honest, but sometimes I dont want to know....

Do you think once we start having sexual activities together and more often, will these thoughts go away? will i be more relaxed about the sex in her past? Because I want to not care.

[pixiedust]

No one can really say how you'll feel down the road but just make sure you take it slow. If she's been with this many guys at such a young age chances are she has a lot of emotional issues to deal with. She's really too young for anything serious at this point. Its great that you want her to be treated right. its admirable from a guy your age. But just remember she's probably gonna have a lot of past emotional scars. and there's no telling what other baggage is there from her home life either. so just be gentle with her and don't put too many expectations on her.

[Broly238]

Well, she was adopted. And her mom is really strick, she shouldn't even have a boyfriend... From 3rd grade to 9th grade she was in Boarding School (an Advenist School)... So yeah... I sat on it all day, and thought about it...

But im gonna make it work, I care about her. So I am trying to put it in the past now. And try not to think about it.

[WallyLlama]

I'd just add that you should remember she is 15. Her sexual experiences are not a substitute for life experience and plain old age.

The difference between 17 and 15 is potentially large.

Turning it over... her sexual history does not necessarily define her, but her age and maturity does. I'll bet she'll make different decisions in a few years. In the meantime, remember that you are dating a 15 year old.

[secretly_shy]

Just make sure you're the best boyfriend she's ever had treat her right, be a gentleman and enjoy the relationship

[Broly238]

We've talked, shes worrying over breaking my heart. she says it always happens... I told her to stop it and not to worry. I think we will manage, she says I say and do things that no one else has done for her... So I take it thats good for me... lol thanks guys/gals!

[Broly238]

Ok, well she just told me today... That she wants time to find herself. that she wants to take a break, because her last bf really screwed with her heart....

To me, the only way to get over someone to to forget, which is basicly what im trying to tell her... By saying she wants a break, she still wants to be together, but lets love aspects, like kissing and stuff...

Im so confused right now, I know shes had it rough, and i know shes 15. but I dunno how to tell her that I want to be there for her, and I don't think a break is gonna help her.... Blah

[dazedandconfused]

You're never gonna live down those thoughts (at least I didn't in that situation and it's been almost 3 months). You're always going to question if you're good enough for her, and try to do things "better" than her exs. Well, don't, take things slow, when you think you're ready, let her know, but now that you said give her time, give her time. She needs that time. If she wants to be with you, she'll come around. Don't pressure her into being with you like I did. It lasted 2 weeks and we don't talk anymore, yeah I got sex, but it wasn't worth all the drama and now I'm sittin here and she has my heart. I can't even date other girls. I'm full of guilt and regret. Give her the time, and she'll let you know when the time is to move on. But take baby steps, still hang out with her, spend time/money on her. Let her know you care about her, just don't express it in a sexual way.