Long distance or just plain dumping?

[pozzolane]

Ok guys, I'll try to make this short.

I was dating this one girl for a little under a month. Things were going really good, however, summer is fast approaching and we will be apart for 4 months (we're both university students). She called me over to "hang out" and then asked me "have you thought about the summer?". We then had this long conversation about us and how she had been thinking that it's a good idea that we don't try to have a long distance thing so we split up. The reason for this was because since we had been only dating for about 3 weeks to a month we don't really know each other all that well and it wouldn't be fair to try to continue getting to know one another over the phone. It sounded reasonable to me and I agreed that yes, if we had tried the long distance thing and it failed we would have been bitter with one another. So its best to break up now on good terms, see other people over the summer and if we're still single see what happens next year right? Well thats what we agreed on...

So heres the problem. I'm not sure if she was sincere. She has been really distant lately and has made no effort to contact me at all since we broke up about 11 days ago...although last friday I invited her and her friend out to a pub for last day of classes and they said they had to study but did actually show up...So should I worry or should I just give it time and she'll come around?

Help Please! I'm gonna keep my options open for the summer. but if I'm still single come fall I'd really like to have another shot with her. I really like this girl!

Thanks

[WallyLlama]

Unfortunately, I don't think you'll know the answer to your question until fall... You "broke up" so her behavior sounds reasonable to me, but there are no guarantees in life.

Not to make you paranoid, but it's possible she's totally sincere, but equally possible she'll meet someone else during the next four months.

Or maybe she won't and you'll both pick up where you left off.

You say you are keeping your options open. You should also be open to all options. As you think your way through that, consider this: what could she say or do to convince you that she's sincere?

Have some faith, learn to trust.

[pozzolane]

Thats really interesting what you said about "having faith learning to trust".

that kinda hit home.

Maybe it's because I've heard the line "I just want to be friends" so many times before, and 80% of the time I've heard it it was just something to say and completely insincere. Sometimes I have trouble trusting cause my trust has been broken quite a bit. I havn't had the best luck with women. And your right. I couldn't think of anything really that would make me 100% sure she was sincere. So I guess I will just have to trust it. At least a sign of good faith to her from me.


Thank you wally.

I will definately try to be more open and trusting.

[WallyLlama]

You're welcome! It's always nice to hear directly that my words have "hit home," not for an ego boost but because I do genuinely want to be helpful.

Sometimes it's a lack of faith and trust that "ruins" potential relationships when we unintentionally demand too much of our partner.

This board is strewn with examples of it. People looking for some evidence of commitment... is he serious? is she using me? is he cheating? will she cheat again?

Trust is about two people. An important dimension of trust is learning to trust oneself. "The future is not 100% certain, but I know I can face it, welcome it, deal with it."