Advice needed!

[sarah2004]

What do you do if you think your guy is possibly just using you for sex and only in a relationship for that purpose? Do you confront him and ask in a mature way if he's just in it for the sex or for something more? Well the reason for these questions is because I feel my boyfriend may be only using me for sex, but I can't be positive on that just yet and the last time I tried to confront him with a serious relationship problem he laughed at first,then thought I didn't trust him, then got really mad. He swore he would never beat on me and he hasn't, but to me it just seems like everytime I go to his house to visit him he always ends up having sex with me and we do. How exactly can I tell if he's just using me or if we're doing it cuz he really cares about me? He's never forced me to have sex and we like to tease each other. There's another with this though we do it without protection and i'm not in bc so we do the risky withdrawal method of which I know is extremely risky and hopefully he had never "blown" in me. I've never had a guy do that so I dunno if I would feel it or not. Any advice on this little problem would be greatly aapreciated.

[secretly_shy]

if you are not using bc then u have every chance of getting pregnant- sorry but its true. Get on the pill or use a condom, or better still use BOTH!

[Alspals69]

The most important thing is the unprotected sex.

Quite simply you need to ask yourself if your happy to have a kid? His kid? If not, then you really need to do something about this.

Judging by your first question, the answer must be "no".

And on a similar note. Why doesn't he worry that he may become a dad? Or that your lives may be altered beyond belief if you become pregnant?

Appart from the pregnancy issue, there are all the risks of infection. If he is just in this for the sex, then i think this is another very good reason to wear a condom.

Now if he dosn't want to wear a condom... this would be a clear sign that he only cares about you for sex But hopefully he will not have a problem with it. That would be a good sign.

[mmparks]

USE BC... if he balks at the idea.. get away from him asap. Id ask him but even then he can just tell you what you want to hear to keep the free sex Go with your gut and use protection.. be responsible. I can not say how strongly I suggest you prevent the birth of an unwanted child, a child with an absent father, or an abortion. WHy take the chance. Take responsibility for your actions.

Dont make me laugh at the "withdrawl method". Educate yourself. Look into the failure rate and that he should not even be ion the general area of your vagina after he ejaculates.

ANd as a side note.. Ive been on BC for a log time. Ortho tricyclene, Im no kid (34 yrs old) and followed the manufacturers suggested use of it. ( same time of day, etc) Im pregnant right now. Im in a long term relationship, have 2 other kids and am getting m,arried next week.. but let me tell you.. NO method is 100% safe. Saying that.. USE A CONDOM AND SPERMICIDE!

[sarah2004]

thanks you all.I appreciate the help and sometime soon I need to talk to my mom about taking me to get on bc and I already have condoms, but i'll have to ask him if he is willing to and should be using them when having sex with me.

[agentdunken]

if you want to find out if he is using you for sex the next time you go to his house don't have sex with him and if he keeps on bugging you to or keeps on bugging you why no sex then most likly he is using you for it.

[finewine]

agent,
I think that is a very intutitive thought and suggestion.
That is what I'd recommend myself.

[sarah2004]

thanks I will try that the next time i'm at his house with him and if he reacts negatively to me not wanting to do it then I suppose your right that thats all he wants and either i will have to confront him in a mature manner and explain my feelings or just i guess leave and let him wonder what was wrong. Maybe then he would finally start calling me again to see what i'm up to and just talk for a bit.

[Rawbob]

I wish more folks on here would give us their age..i know its tough to fess up sometimes, but it can help ALOT when it comes to advice.

It's a tough situtation you're in..why do i say that? Becuase for 90% of folks reading your first post would say MY GOD USE BIRTH CONTROL!

But what i feel from your post is that you, in some small way, get self-validation from the sex you have with your BF. You feel accepted and wanted and sexually attractive - and that's important to you.....almost to the point of risking a life-changing pregnancy (at what i can only belive is a very young life so far).

Maturity, relationships, sex, responsiblity are only concepts and words till they take form in your own life.

Sweety, if you really want to fix this, TAKE CONTROL! Don't ASK him to wear a condom - tell him its no longer an option! If he balks at first...don't assume he's using you....just know he's probably immature too and is going to lash out cause youre NOT giving him what you used to - unprotected sex. Now, he may leave you, break up with you, etc...but in the long run, he's NOT going to be the last man you have sex with or even fall in love with .....so try to start taking control of your life!

As far as who's using who......i think it's mutual....so if you like the sex, and you like the guy....and you're not sure how far the relationship will go...the LEAST you shoudl do is protect yourself from getting pregnant. You have a long life ahead of you.....an unwanted pregnancy will change your life in ways you can't even imagine. Don't risk it!

[mmparks]

AMEN Brothah!