WORKPLACE RELATIONSHIPS

[BABYFAT]

THERES THIS GUY AT WORK WHO I'VE BEEN CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND WITH AND I THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE IT, BUT I CAN'T. I KNEW IN THE BEGINNING IT WAS JUST A FLING AND THAT HE'S NOT THE TYPE OF GUY U WANT TO FALL FOR,THAT HE'S JUST THERE TO FILL A SEXUAL NEED ONLY. BUT AFTER THE FIRST TIME WE HAD SEX I BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT IT AND HIM CONSTANTLY. IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND A HALF SINCE WE STARTED THIS WHATEVER IT IS. HE SAYS HE'S MY LOVER BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE THAT I MEAN LOVERS I THOUGHT LONG TO BE TOGETHER BUT HE JUST WAITS FOR ME TO COME AT HIM. NOT ONLY THAT *HE HAS AFFAIRS WITH OTHERS ON THE JOB. HE GIVES ME VERY LITTLE ATTENTION BUT EXPECTS ME HELP HIM WITH WHATEVER HE NEEDS WHICH IS USUALLY MONEY. I'M AM CRAZY ABOUT THIS MAN, I THINK I LOVE HIM DON'T ASK ME WHY BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW. I KNOW IT'S HARD SEEING HIM EVERYDAY AND NOT HAVING THINGS THE WAY I WOULD LIKE. I WANT TO LEAVE HIM ALONE BUT IN THE SAME BREATH I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WAYS TO MAKE HIM LIKE ME. I WANT ADVICE EITHER WAY TELL ME HOW TO WIN HIM OVER OR TELL ME HOW TO GET OVER IT AND ON WITH MY LIFE. AND MY HUSBAND IS NOT REALLY MY HUSBAND IT JUST FEELS LIKE WERE MARRIED BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 20 YEARS AND RAISED 4 CHILDREN, 3 ARE GROWN AND MY BABY IS 8. HE IS A CONTROLING DRUNK AND I'M TIRED OF HIM. TIRED OF BEING WITH HIM TIRED OF FEELING LIKE I'M MARRIED I'M READY TO BE A LITTLE BAD AND LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME. AND WE WON'T BE TOGETHER MUCH LONGER.

[JNII]

well i personally think its kinda f*cked up of u to be cheating on your husband in the first place.... I suggest you immediately get over this "work guy" before you really do fall for him and ruin someones life...
the way to do this is spend more time with your husband and stay away from this other guy. If your husband is never around or cant satisfy you, sit down adn tell him that so it can be fixed. But stop messin around with other men when you are married

[lilly2279]

Well the advice I would give you would be to give it up.

You did not give us background on why you are cheating on your husband.. Are there problems there? Then talk to your husband. Try to work things out (like JNII said).

Dump the guy at work. He is using you. That is VERY obvious. Give him money??? So basically you are paying him to sleep with you, it seems. I don't mean to be rude, but wake up. He has other girls, you are practically begging him to have sex with you and you're also giving him money when he needs it. You already know that's a bad situation. Here is someone telling you to drop that bad habit and try to make your marriage work, if it's salvageable.

[LittleFury]

OK...walk over to the closest wall and beat your head on it for a few minutes. Now think...you're cheating on your husband with your coworker...double trouble at least. NOw you're risking losing your husband, almost definatly losing that other guy...and possibly losing your job if it gets out and it's against the company's policy or if he decides to be a dick and screw you over, I mean...he's already a users, taking your money and demanding attention and help than he gives you barely any back. SO I suggest you get a current resume ready, break it off with the using coworker, get knee pads cause you'll be doing a lot of begging when you confess to your husband and better have a phone of marriage counselor and divorce attorney on hand. And from now on, before doing something that stupid, think...And yeah, maybe I wazs somewhat harsh, but I had no coffee so far, and you need a little dose of reality...now I'm off to get some coffee

[BABYFAT]

ok, so you guys think i should dump him, and i know this, but i can't. i see him everyday and when i'm around him i enjoy it, i mean he's funny and tall and dark and all i want to do is f**k his brains out. i've already banged my head on the wall, because i don't get it (talking about the relationship)

and since i'm not married does that make it any better?

and if i know it's not right, but still choose to play the game does that make it better?

i mean he doesn't treat me bad he just doesn't give me the attention i think he should, his starting to come around

somebody please give me a reason to feel better about what i'm doing

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

You said you were married in your first post.. WHICH Is it.

[lilly2279]

Well she apparently edited her original post to tell us she is not really married. hmmm.

Apparently, you did not want us to tell you how to get over him and get on with your life. We all told you to ditch him and get over him, but then you switch the rules (now, oh yeah, you're not married) and then ask us to give you a reason to feel better about what you are doing.

Well we can't make you feel better about it because you are being used. If he's having sex with other people at work and asking you for money, he's USING you. He is NOT going to come around. If he wanted you, he would have remained faithful to you, not asked you for money and showed you respect.

If your boyfriend is a drunk and you're not planning on staying with him, then leave. Find a real boyfriend. And start a new life. Workplace relationships can be tricky. You should find out the rules at your workplace about office relationships.

Nothing we say would possibly make you feel better about your "relationship".

[LittleFury]

Well..gee...having an 8 year old...I don't think you got a privilidge to be bad. What example would you set for your kids? And you know...you going around and changing your origional post is really not setting in with me too well. And no, not havign a legal paper does not make it any better. Cheating is still cheating, whenever it's on a bf, fiance or a husband. And btw, in some states this would eb concidered to be a common law marriage. And I'm not gonna get into the whole being togehter for 20 years, have kids, but not getting married issue. Your your life, your choices. And there is no way I'm gonna be the one to make you feel any better. You messed up, you were unfaitful to the man you were with for so long and father of your children. Now be a grown up like you should be, and take responsibility and fix things for yourself and for your baby. Come on, I'm probably the age of one of your kids and even I see it.... and now, I need Tylenol

[WallyLlama]

I guess I missed the original post and changing... but I'd like to take a slightly different tack anyway. I don't particularly see this as a cheating issue.

It doesn't take a lot of reading between the lines to establish this:

"Husband" drinks and treats her like shit.

"Boyfriend" doesn't pay enough attention to her, doesn't treat her much better than husband, pretty much uses her (and other women at work) for sex and money.

So the question might better be, "Why do you find losers who treat you like shit so attractive?"

You are not going to "win him (boyfriend) over." You are trading one jerk for another. That's an often repeated story, it seems and one that I never understand.

[mjv154]

The guy at work isn't helping you and the controlling drunk you have at home isn't either.

I say, drop both the fools and take that angel of a child you have and put all the love and caring you have into that.

There are things more important that you when you have children.