How Do I figue out Whats going on? If Anything!

[kwguy]

Good Afternoon, I'm a new member and like the site alot. I'm in need of some advise if anyone has some, I'm just alittle frustrated here lol.
I have know this Lady for 15 or more years and we are friends but have not really spent any time together by ourselves untill afew weeks ago. She was in a relationship with a fellow that was married and very much in love with him. He thought that his marriage was over and his wife knew that he was seeing somone. His wife had a accident and broke her ankle and he was concerned about her (I think that they were on pretty good speaking terms and he still lived at home with her) Anyway, she has second thoughts about them breaking up and wanted him to stop seeing this Lady and after some emotional up heavel he has not seen or called her since. She was pretty upset at this, called his cell every day (he did not answer). *Another friend passed away and we saw each other at the service. I knew what had happened to her and said if she needed to talk or anything she could call. She did afew days later and we got together for afew drinks and have been doing this for afew weeks now. She had alot to say about her breakup, and was getting past it. We spent afew all nighters just talking and drinking till the wee hours and got to the point of her snuggleing up and just some light petting that always ended up by here saying "I can't do this". and that was a the end of it, I never pushed it at all. I did have alittle talk to her and said that I always did have a thing for her just so she knew that I cared for her and I also said that I would not take advantage of her situation and emotional state. She did not say no about anything but rather that right now she was pretty screwed up and who knows what might happen down the road. I guess my question is do I just keep on doing what I'm doing ? We get together and listen to music, have afew drinks and even cook dinner together, we are pretty comfortable with each other. How can I get this show on the road?? I think that both of us are just not talking about it LOL. *Thank you for any input. Oh yes, we are both in our late 50's.

[oberon]

Hi Kwguy and welcome! *It's great to have another... uh... mature (?) person around here.

Yes, I'd say just keep doing what you are doing. *She's bound to be a little gun-shy so soon after a breakup. *You might make your feelings more plain, but don't push. *Maybe make your times together a little more romantic. *Add some candles to the table when you dine together. *Maybe get her flowers to brighten her day. *

It's going to take a while for her to get over her feelings for the ex and you want those COMPLETELY gone before the two of you start something. *

Take care and good luck.

[kwguy]

Thanks oberon , I know your right and it will just take some
patience on my part. Thanks for the message, very much!

[oberon]

You're welcome. Good luck!

[WallyLlama]

Well, I'd agree with "keep doing what you're doing," etc. but would add a caution.

It's not just interesting that you know more about her relationship and break up with the married guy than you do about how she thinks and feels about you. It's also a reason for caution.

The situation you are describing is the sort that creates a huge - but often temporary - bond between two people. The bond serves a purpose... sometimes it's temporary, sometimes it grows.

I think you both need to be careful that you do not confuse the bond that's been created because of her grief and loneliness with a bond that's more about both of you as individuals and a couple.

She's probably very right: she can't do this, is pretty screwed up, and doesn't know what's going to happen down the road.

I'm not saying she's using you. I am saying that I think you need to be cautious that you don't all wrapped up in her until she is less "screwed up."

[kwguy]

Thank you, I understand what you mean. We had a good talk about it and we are on the same page. We were open and honest with each other and do not know where it is going but we are having fun and enjoy each others company. One day at a time is all I'm taking right now. Thank you for your advice!and have a great day :-)