A couple of issues

[nathanoj1984]

Hi, i wasn't sure where to post this as Im in my first relationship, but we've been going out for over 18 months and are living together at Uni so I guess its more serious. *Anyway there's a few things I wouldn't mind some advice about, so Ill try and sperate them out and any feedback I could get would be great.

- My girlfriend has a knack of napping during the day, which she inevitably ends up dragging me into because she likes to be cuddled while she drifts off. *I normally end up drifting off too. *However I find that naps make me more tired later on while she has more energy. *This results in many "im too tired" scenarios which ends up frustrating both of us.
* * * I have aked if we can go to bed earlier so we can make love, but she insists we don't. *This is because we live in a student house and she doesn't want to disturb our housemate, which is fair enough. *But because we're a student house our housemate won't go to bed till 12 and I have a lot of early lectures (while my girlfriend doesn't) and I don't have the stamina to keep active into the early hours. *Any ideas?

- I feel like I seem to be putting more into making love than my girlfriend. *I always make her cum by going down on her or fingering her before we make love (which I do enjoy) but she only occaisonally goes down on me. *
* * *I understand her reasoning as we have discussed it; that she wants to cum too, and that it makes her really wet for when we make love. *However I also feel like I put in the majority of the effort when we make love. *
* * *She seems opposed to masturbating while we make love, even though we've done it in the past, as her orgasms are more intense when I go down on her. *The trouble is when I try to discuss it with her she ends up getting upset. *She interprets what Im saying as she's bad in bed effectively (no matter how senstively I do it) and I end up spending a couple of hours trying to make her feel better again. *Which leaves things back where I started.
* * *Its also a drawback for when we make love because after I've made her cum she wants to make love straight away. However after having paid her attention for half an hour, I'm so horny that we only make love for 5 minutes or so and she doesn;t want to make me cum before hand at that moment.
* * *The problem is as she is my first relationship, and Im only her second sexual relationship, that neither of us know what we want the other to do to improve on it entirely. *This ends up cycling back on itself as we do experiment sexually every now and again, but without any great results winds up making us fall into a routine which I feel is detrimental.

Sorry for the length. *And don't get me wrong im generally very happy with our sex life. *I know its a bit tricky adn Im aware there may be no easy answers or none at all, but any advice would be great.

[oberon]

Hi Nathanoj,
Well, I'm going to start off with an old tune. *Communication. *You both have to be able to talk about these things without it seeming to be a personal attack. *None of us are perfect and sex- like everything else- takes practice. *You both need to look at it as making something that is good already better. *

Your scheduling problems are going to take compromise. *Making love in the mornings or afternoon, maybe? *Maybe going to bed early one or two nights a week... that shouldn't inconvenience anyone too badly. *

Again, with the "who does what to whom", it's going to take communication... and trust. *I understand that she wants to orgasm, too. *So make it clear to her that you intend for that to happen. *So what if *you get off before she does? *As you've illustrated, you can bring her to orgasm by oral sex... or manually. *(You might even consider a vibrator or dildo sometime... it can be fun...lol.) *

As long as both of your needs are being met, it doesn't really matter how you get there.

Take care.

[Tessie]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]- My girlfriend has a knack of napping during the day, which she inevitably ends up dragging me into because she likes to be cuddled while she drifts off. *I normally end up drifting off too. *However I find that naps make me more tired later on while she has more energy. *This results in many "im too tired" scenarios which ends up frustrating both of us.
* * *I have asked if we can go to bed earlier so we can make love, but she insists we don't. *This is because we live in a student house and she doesn't want to disturb our housemate, which is fair enough. *But because we're a student house our housemate won't go to bed till 12 and I have a lot of early lectures (while my girlfriend doesn't) and I don't have the stamina to keep active into the early hours. *Any ideas?

You need to stop taking a nap just because she wants to cuddle. I am the same as you and more tired after a nap then before. You need to have a talk about your schedules and work it out so you’re not to tired for class or anything else.

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ]- I feel like I seem to be putting more into making love than my girlfriend. *I always make her cum by going down on her or fingering her before we make love (which I do enjoy) but she only occaisonally goes down on me. *

Try doing a 69, you both on your side. This is best and she can touch and do whatever to you while you do her. Tell her she can take breaks when it feels really good. I do that and will just hold and stroke hubby's penis which I like and so does he. Then if I cum and need a break he is right there for oral.

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ] I understand her reasoning as we have discussed it; that she wants to cum too, and that it makes her really wet for when we make love. *However I also feel like I put in the majority of the effort when we make love. *

Sex isn't 50/50 all the time and I do think men do a great deal more work then women. But you should embrace that and love it. It's all good no matter what you do and pleasing her to the fullest should please you.

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] ] She seems opposed to masturbating while we make love, even though we've done it in the past, as her orgasms are more intense when I go down on her. *The trouble is when I try to discuss it with her she ends up getting upset. *She interprets what Im saying as she's bad in bed effectively (no matter how senstively I do it) and I end up spending a couple of hours trying to make her feel better again. *Which leaves things back where I started.

I agree mutual masturbating is very effective and hot. I also agree with Oberon on getting some toys and having fun with them.

Why is she interpreting that she is bad in bed? If she is just drama queening it and making you feel bad for no reason she needs to get over it. You should be able to talk about sex maturely and say anything you want without the other person getting upset. That is what makes for better sex.

Like you said you’re both young and inexperienced really. Give yourselves time and it gets better. Just keep learning and exploring.

[secretly_shy]

been there done that- uni is exhausting! all the studying and social life (clubbing!) normally leaves us knackered by friday... so save it up one week and have a sex marathon on saturday- lock your bedroom door and have a naked day