opinions on 'f***buddies*

[cassandria]

This is a bit of a strange topic to be posting, but I guess what I'm doing is more research than anything else. I'm getting a lot of stick about my 'relationship' with a guy, and while I don't usually fly with majority opinion at the expense of my own, I'm curious as to what people think.

I met this guy in my first term at university, and we've known each other now for about 6 months. We're mates, in that we hang around with the same people, we socialise together quite a bit, we see each other in lectures, etc. About a month after I met him we met in the union after lectures, spent the afternoon in the city, had a few drinks, and ended up having sex. For a while afterwards, nothing changed - we remained friends, we joked about what happened, but since we both had had partners since, nothing more happened till after the new year, when we were talking online one evening and I mentioned I was horny and fed up, and he offered to pick me up and take me to his place. I agreed, and spent the night with him again.

Since then, we've had sex occasionally, without either of us wanting any kind of deeper relationship. It's been intermittent, as we've both been on placement in different parts of the country, and we've been involved with other people to varying degrees. I have never slept with him while I've been with another guy, but I know he has other female friends who he sleeps with, and this doesnt bother me. Whether or not it bothers the other girls... it sounds heartless, but I can only assume they know what this guy is like, and know what they're letting themselves in for. Also, since I don't know the other girls, there's not a lot I could do about it, even if I had wanted to. Half the time we treat each other like shit, we have rows and make it up 5 minutes later and we take the p*ss out of each other constantly, but I know we do care about each other as friends - while he's arrogant and conceited and tactless, I also trust him completely [not in the fidelity sense, but I don't care about that] not to hurt me or lie to me, and he has a great sense of humour. Plus he's fantastic in bed, although I'd never dream of telling him that! My best friend thinks I'm wrong to sleep with him, she says he's using me, but I don't see it that way as technically I'm using him too, and I'm not hurting anyone.

So I guess what my question is, is whether anyone out there thinks I'm wrong to sleep with this guy - is he using me or not? I have no expectations of a lasting relationship with him - the personality differences are way too volatile for that - and he knows that and feels the same. Any opinions welcome, this is purely for the purposes of research and I don't mind being slammed!

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

Go for it!! if you both understand it isnt more than just sex... and are ok with it and want to continue!!! GO FOR IT!! serious sounds like you have it worked out in your mind and he does too.
Personally? for myself and.. "fuk" buddies.. i get too attached.. so i dont think i could do that.. but thats because i get too attached, if i didnt im sure i'd have one LOL

Jamie

[thetease13]

I don't think there's anything wrong with "f*** buddies" so to speak.

If I have to classify my guy as anything, it will be a friend with benefits. He is my friend above any and everything else and he knows that. We get together every now and then to "fill a need". (And please people, spare me the lectures because this thread is not about me. I'm posting to help her.)
We've grown a bit more attached than we probably should have, but I think that generally happens on any level of "friends with benefits".

But as long as you're both willing to accept that nothing more may develop out of this, and just need something to "fill in the blanks" every now and then, then I say go for it.

[oberon]

As long as you both are being honest about the situation- and it sounds like you are- then I don't see a problem. Neither of you are after a relationship and just get together when it's convenient for the both of you. Sounds good to me.

You didn't say (or ask) but I can't let this pass without at least mentioning to remember to play safe. He (and you) both have multiple partners so condoms are a necessity.... along with a good spermicidal foam or gel. And if I were the female in this scenario, I'd be on birth control as well.

Have fun and take care.

[greenforce999]

I am just starting to work my way out of a long term relationship and I think that a fuk buddy is sounding pretty good right about now. I just need a break from all the emotions I guess and get into raw passion lol

[WallyLlama]

I'm not always sure if people notice this undercurrent in my posts... as long as two people are satisfied with their relationship, not much else matters. The problems usually arise when one wants something different... either from the relationship itself or from the way people outside the relationship view it.

Yours is one of the more intelligent and mature posts I've seen in a while. It sounds like you and he have negotiated a balanced relationship in which you both benefit equally and neither of you are harboring any delusions or expectations.

I'd say "it doesn't get much better than that." In some ways, your relationship is healthier than many more "traditional" ones!

You probably will never change your best friend's opinion that it's "wrong," but that's okay as long as it doesn't become an issue between you. Her perspective and experience is different... and in terms of research, you'll probably find a more open-minded perspective on a forum like this. Go post this question on a different board and you might expect different replies!

[cassandria]

Great, thanks everyone [for the feedback of course, though it helps that no-one seems to think what I'm doing is f*cked up and weird, lol]. In response to the protection issue Oberon, yes I am always careful, and so is he, so no problem there. I was really just interested in people's views on this subject, as it seems to be one that causes some debate. Looks to me like I really do have the perfect situation here!

Tease, I agree with you - really, all we're doing is getting together to give each other what we both want, and since neither of us have any higher expectations, whats wrong with that? If I'd gone into this making him think I wanted something more in order to get sex [or vice versa], that would be a different matter, but we've never lied to each other about what we want. And as for getting too attached, I seriously doubt that's going to happen. But if it did, who knows, people say we're 'good' together [whatever that means * ], so maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

And thanks Wally, that was a really nice thing to say *

[oberon]

Best wishes, Cassandria. I hope I didn't sound preachy... I just want you to enjoy this (and other) relationship(s) for a long time to come.

Have fun.

[lilly2279]

I'm late on this post, but I'm with everyone else. If you both are serving a purpose for each other (getting great orgasms) then it looks like a win win situation to me.

Before my boyfriend I had sex buddies here and there. We would be great friends, could sit and talk, watch movies together and chill and have mind blowing sex. But we knew we were not ideal for a "real" relationship because of bad mixing personalities or different goals or whatever. It worked great. As long as you can keep from getting attached. I have a friend who always tries to turn sex buddies into boyfriends and it always ends nastily.

I still talk to a couple of my sex buddies (talking only) just because we became such great friends. My boyfriend does not mind. We don't spend 'alone' time together at all, cuz that would be too tempting. But I think it's a great idea and sometimes it's nice to have a warm body next to you and no strings.

[Jaybee]

Originally Posted by [b

Quote[/b] (lilly2279 @ Mar. 16 2005,04:48)]But I think it's a great idea and sometimes it's nice to have a warm body next to you and no strings. *

Said the electric chair operator to the hangman...