What does this mean?

[Irresistible]

Hey Everyone! This is my first time posting on this board, although I have been viewing it for months. I hope you guys can give me some much needed advice or helpful comments.I will try and keep it simple, but will probally fail (sorry) lol. I have been dating this man for about two months, he's my sisters ex-boyfriend from about 4 years ago,(they were never physically intimate) we are all now in our mid twenties. At the beginning of the ralationship(?) we talked on the phone all the time, and online, went out on planned dates, it got physical pretty fast, (second date). Now however, we rarely talk on the phone (if so I call him first, he may return my call or not), we do talk online almost every night, and we are still sleeping together,(it's great) and when we go out its spur of the moment. I am confused because he doesn't seem as interested as he was in the beginning... he seems to be playing games. I asked him the other night, online, how interested he was now; to please be honest, no games. His reply was 1-10? So I said sure, he said 6, so I asked him if that was good or bad, and he replied good. Now when I asked him why it was a six, he said before it had been a three. So I guess my question is am I being paranoid, played, or is he really interested in me & a relationship or just the sexual side, is this a relationship, does talking online now take the place of a phone call? I know its a lot of questions (see why I'm confused). Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks

[lilly2279]

Well without being in his head, it's hard for us to tell for sure what he means. But, I know I would not be happy with a 6!!!

Ask him about it. It sounds to me like he is not very serious. On a percentage, a 60% is a failing grade, you know?

If he is not serious, you need to ask yourself if it's okay for you to continue sleeping with him. Are you going to get more attached than he is? Is he just looking for a sex buddy? Are you willing to give him that?

Decide what you are willing to settle for. Ask what he is willing to give. If they don't come close, you'll need to reconsider the relationship.

Let us know how things work out! I hope he straightens up!

[oberon]

I don't think I can improve on what Lilly said. A 6? REALLY? I wonder how he would feel if you rated him a 6 as a lover? That's barely over average.

He's either VERY inarticulate (and insensitive) or he just thinks that being with you is better than being alone... until someone "better" comes along. Personally, I'd want this cleared up pretty fast... before I kicked him to the curb.

[WallyLlama]

Personally, I avoid assigning grades to relationships for a bunch of reasons. The two most important are:

1. Relationships are not one dimensional and simple.
2. The value of the grade is very subjective - my "6" might be someone else's "10."

Instead of focusing on the number, look at the fact he told you that in his mind your relationship has "doubled" in two months.

If the issue is that he's not calling, discuss that. Ask him the exact question at the end of your post "Does chatting online now take the place of talking on the phone?"

If there are other behaviors that are making you feel that he's lost interest in you except for the sex, ask him about those too.

Many times a guy will find it difficult to discuss a conceptual topic ("our relationship&quot but easier to talk about things that are happening or not happening.

[Irresistible]

Thanks I am going to try talking to him. I'll let you know what happens....

[Irresistible]

Here is part of an instant message.... that we had...

This takes place after normal conversation.... I tried to keep it light hearted and joking....

Irresistible[8:33 PM]: *Do you have a few minutes?
Him[8:34 PM]: *what's up
Irresistible [8:37 PM]: *sorry back *
Him[8:38 PM]: *ok
Irresistible[8:41 PM]: *nothing major LOL *I already asked you about your interest level.... At least it cant be as bad as going to the dentist and having all your teeth pulled out ....maybe Just 2......LOL *
Him [8:43 PM]: *You know I am interested
Irresistible[8:43 PM]: *I know *
OutKastK [8:47 PM]: *Cool
Irresistible[8:50 PM]: *:-)
Irresistible[8:51 PM]: *So what are your intentions sir........ lol O:-)
Irresistible[8:52 PM]: *Just being silly *
Irresistible[8:52 PM]: *enjoying my good mood....lol
Him [8:53 PM]: *dont know and you aren't playing
Irresistible[8:55 PM]: *Damn caught me....lol
Irresistible 8:57 PM]: *So whats up with you tonight? I'm in a crazy happy mood Wow *
Irresistible [8:57 PM]: *lol *
Irresistible[9:00 PM]: *Hello? *
Irresistible [9:02 PM]: *not speaking to me?
him signed off at 9:05 PM

I did chat with him for about a min. on another messenger and then he signed off of that as well

So what do you think?

[thetease13]

Personally, I think by trying to get more information out of him, you're just annoying him further.

Most guys don't like to talk about how "serious" something is. And they sure as heck don't like to be forced or pressured into talking about it. They'd much rather leave it alone.

Move on to some other topics you'd like to talk about. If he doesn't really want to talk about that, ask him what he does want to talk about.

[WallyLlama]

Go right ahead and force him to define your relationship before he's ready to... pretending you're being silly doesn't hide your real intention - as he points out.

There is a difference between "talking to" someone and "interrogating" someone.

Bottom line: you need something (assurance or commitment?) he's not ready to give. I'd suggest you consider the possibility that this is more about you than it is about him.

[Irresistible]

That really wasnt my intention Wally, I didnt want to force him into anything. I will be honest and say I was trying to get a reaction out of him. I dont want a commitment from him at this point. Thats too soon even for me. I am having fun being with him and guess I just wanted to know what he was feeling. I also know I approached it all wrong and too soon, thats part of the reason for the silliness. I was trying to give us both a way out of the conversation. I am going to call him later and try to explain this mess.
If I can.... any suggestions...

[finewine]

If it was me, i'd ask myself why I want to know so badly if I didn't want it to be more committed.

I think sometimes it is a good idea to sign off yourself and give the guy some space.

If he really likes you and wants to keep the relationship going he will. Let him lead. He knows you like him.
If he is just playing you then your signing off is a good thing for you.

there are lots of things to consider in this.
I would back away until my emotions could be sorted out and I knew myself what I really wanted and then I would tell him what I want hoping he would want the same.