college Blue

[JNII]

Hey Im on my second semester in college and I have a girl at home who I am still so in love with. We want to be together, but because of the fact that Im hours away, we dont want a long distance relationship. We are unable to commit to each other and be happy and dont want to be hurt. Yet I want to be with her so much and miss her incredibly. I just had a random hookup with a girl in her bed, we did a little more than kiss but diodnt have sex, and i MISS my love from home so much now. THis isnt the first time I hooked up with someoen here at school, in an attempt to let go of her and not think about her. Yet for some reason I can't get ehr out of my head and I miss her so much now. If anyone ahs any sort of insigh to this situation please help me..

Thank u
JN

[thetease13]

Never been in a situation like that but I will say that if all you do is think about her and you miss her like you say you do, I think you need to tell her that and how you feel and I'd personally find a way to make that long distance thing work.

[mjv154]

The best thing to do here is make some clear choices. Do you want to be together or not? If yes, put the work in. Make the sacrafices and push through the hard times. I've done the distance thing in the past and it has been great.

If you feel the need to be with other people then you should really make that clear and stick to that choice.

I like to think that nothing is ever final. If you care for this girl at home, there is nothing that says you can't be good friends and when/if you come home from school for good you can start up a real relationship.

Either way.....you need to do some thinking and make some choices. It will help.

[WallyLlama]

Well, for starters let's try reverse thinking.

The beginning of your post is quite a list of things you and your at home girl CAN'T do.

Your assignment - should you choose to accept it - is to create a list of things you CAN do. But, of course, you should only do this assignment if you want to maintain a relationship or friendship.

The assignment applies even if you don't want to maintain a long distance relationship (which you say you don't).

"Subtractive thinking" (focusing on what we don't have) can easily become a habit. You might start looking at what you do have... what's around you, the opportunities, the newness of it all... I'm not talking only about girls and bedmates. I'm suggesting a different way of looking at your world. Fill your mind with what's ahead and there will be less room for missing what's behind.

If you change the way you are thinking and the things you are doing your feelings will follow. It may take some time.