Awkward first time sex

[nursefluffykins]

hi people,
ok i just need to vent a little i guess, and would appreciate any feedback anyone has to offer... i met this guy online in september, we met in person in december, had our first kiss on maybe the 3rd time we hung out, made out a few times throught the month of january, it was nice, hold hands, etc, all normal stuff i guess.... *and we slept together for the first time today...
im just feeling kind of blah because like it seems we have this great chemistry to talk online, talk in person, hang out, go to movies, kiss, make out, etc... but the sex was like really ackward... ive been in a couple of other relationships before, and i dunno, its frustrating i guess cuz i like this guy so much so it kinda freaked me out in retrospect that there didnt seem to be like more passion or whatever u wanna call it between us.... *i guess maybe it was a combination of nerves, not being familiar with eachothers bodies and stuff, and well prior to this i had been in *a 5 year relationship, so maybe i am too used to what i had before... i dunno..... in anycase we've spoken a bit on msn about today, but not in great detail, dont want to make a big scene about it.... but we made jokes about having sex again next weekend hehe...
so i dunno ok ive done alot of rambling here, so i guess anyone who wants can share their feedback / experience with regards to ackward sex with someone who uve been dating... so guys what goes through your guys heads when sex with a girl doesnt go so well..... *i mean if he dumps me cuz of this then i know he's bad to begin with, so i dont think thats gonna happen.... i guess ijust need some encouragement to keep on going * * * *heh * * thanks....

[Oleander]

Heyy yeah... the first time with someone will probaly always be awkward.. cause your not use to them as much... I suggest... Oral and all that first.. become more comfterable with eachothers body... That would really help!!

[nursefluffykins]

yah actually i agree with ya, in the past i would usually kind of progress like u said, oral sex, before sex.... but i just got my tongue pierced ten days ago, so oral is out of the question for another couple of weeks lol, and we just got fed up of waiting i guess lol...

ok i have something else i was wondering but i'll just post it here rather than start a new post.... so i was thinking of picking up some lubricant cuz with the nervousness and all i went a little dry and dont want that to happen again.... but ive never really used lube before.... so like any brands in particular anybody like, how exactly do u apply it and when... does it feel weird, etc....

Thanks again peeps!

[Alspals69]

Fluffykins,

Speeking as a guy, if it doesn't go so well, if anything I will probably be wondering exactly what you are wondering initially. Of course i have been in this situation, i guess many of us have. As you say, things will get better with experience of each others body.

Of course your guy may be very pleased with how it went.... he is probably full of anticipation for the next time.

I'm sure it will be fine. Let us know how it goes!!!

[finewine]

nursefluffykins,

I would make the physical the same as what you had online. You fell in love with the mind online. Expectations can rob you of joy sometimes in a physical relationship if you think only about your satisfaction.
Part of the fun at least for me is seeing the guy have a great time. *Were you focusing only on yourself and your expectations and your pleasure? Then you may have robbed him of his joy. And if he was focusing only on himself then he may have robbed you of your joy.
Self can be very demanding especially if it has preconceived expectations from a vivid erotic imagination of the mind. Next time think only of making him happy. A man worth keeping will want to make you happy too.

I haven't had to use lubrication so I'm in the dark about that.

[stew09]

online relationships are always a mess to begin with and i don't trust anyone who partakes in them lol. i say this 'cause my gf used it to cheat on me.

anyways, i wouldn't worry about what he thinks. he is probably thrilled he got laid. there is no doubt in my mind about it. no guy has sex with a girl and says, "damn i wish that could've been better." if there is a guy like that out there, he isn't a man.

just do whatever you want when you're with him in bed. nothing you do will turn him off or weird him out. do what you feel you need to do in order for you to enjoy yourself.

[nursefluffykins]

Hi everybody,

Thank you all for your insight, has got me thinking about my situation from different perspectives. *You know finewine, it probably was a little bit of an expectations let down kind of thing. *We get along so well in everyday situations, and we enjoy kissing eachother, i guess i was just a little taken back that once we decided to have sex that it didnt have that flow that i have had with other partners in the past. *I mean it took my first boyfriend and i like 2 months of trying about 2 times per week to make me come for the first time (boy do i ever remember that night, had 2 great orgasms in the back seat of my dads old car - oh to be 19 again LOL).... anycase now im off topic... i guess what im saying is that it has been somewhat of a pattern for me to have trouble to relax with a new partner... ?
I think what the issue in this current situation for me right now is more the lack of communication.. i mean we talk all the time about all sorts of things, but not while we're in bed. *I think he's shy, but im not sure if it could be shyness or something else. *I usually tend to be very forward and open, saying i like this or that or ive done this or that, but he's more of the its in the past lets forget about it kind of person, which im not used to. *So we had sex again for the 2nd time tonight, (didnt go dry tho -YAY!). *Its like all the kissing is great, then i dunno like say the way he touches my breasts just doesnt make me hot the way it has been from when other people touch it, same thing when he fingers me. *So then im kinda giving him a handjob, so then i ask, "do you think you're gonna come like this?", so he's like i dont think so. *Then its dead silence lol. *I'm the one always initiating the discussion it seems, so im like well what do u want to do.... so he looks over @ the condom box on the nightstand lol.... *
I dunno guys tell me whats with that kind of vague behaviour..... its stressin me out here lol
But again in response to something finewine said, i dont think im overfocussing on my pleasure, im enjoying myself, and actually havent had the courage or whatever u call it to tell him that the way he touches me doesnt do it for me...it seems like im more being there for him than he is for me right now lol, i mean he came pretty damn fast (well after like an hour of foreplay, in his defence), but he never asked me what i wanted to do afterwards.... i let it slide this time but i couldnt be in a relationship like that forever lol ... *i guess next time im gonna have to show him how, i just lost the nerve to do it tonight... There's definitely joy in this situation id say, the "chemistry" is just gonna have to be coordinated a little more over time...
im sorry to hear what happened to u stew, i think online or offline cheating can happen, but i definitely see how the anonimity of meeting people from the net can facilitate cheating. *Altho if one really wants to whats stopping them from meeting someone elsewhere if they really want to... * * yah i dunno i wasnt meeting anyone in my every day life (nursing is pretty much all women, and i aint dating no doctor lol ), so i took a chance, and thanks to one part good judgement/screening process and one part luck, ive met some good guys so far, and will hopefully be with this guy a while, he seems to be worth the trouble lol. *

Ok i think ive rambled enough for tonight. *Feels good to get it off my chest tho.... so i think next time i see him when the timing seems right i'll try to talk to him and just see whats going through his head, if anything Lol... *see if i can get him to talk, see if i can get the courage to show em what works for me hehe.... *worse case scenario we'll just have to get drunk first * * *hahahahah....
ciao for now * *

[WallyLlama]

If I may add a few, perhaps random thoughts...

Online relationships are different, that's for sure. I think it's important to remember that the technology is relatively new and we haven't exactly had several generations to figure out how they work and don't work. There are many examples of online relationships blossoming into more; there are many more examples of that not happening.

I happen to be fascinated by the topic... might make a good separate thread! My point here is that I'd consider the differences... online relationships create focus and can be intense. There are few distractions and we tend to think because typing is a bit slower than talking. Because it's a focused way of relating, I can see how they would contribute to the expectations Finewine mentions.

Note this, for example. An online relationship is ALL about communication. All you have are words. It would seem strange that those words come more difficultly when you're actually together. (I've joked with online friends that if we ever got together in real life we'd have to be bring our laptops.) Let's not forget that on line relationships do not require the same degree and type of social and communication skills.

Speaking of joking, maybe there's something in there... if you both are clearly less than comfortable talking about the sexual aspect of the relationship... maybe some roleplaying. You could be the virgin cheerleader... Beneath that specific example is the idea of turning what seems to be a negative into a positive. How exciting it can be to explore each other!

Maybe he should be the cheerleader and you be the quarterback.

I'm honestly not making light of the situation, but perhaps you should?