Is a relationship of four people possible?

[Serotonin32]

Throughout the last months me and my girlfriend (a serious longterm relationship) have become very close to two friends. After starting off with a small girl on girl dare kiss, our sexual lives started to intertwine after both of the girls were interested in eachother, and the idea of the guys being part of it was included. We have gone through many trials and mistakes that caused problems, but we have all overcame these problems because everybody wanted a part of it. Through this me and the woman from the other couple became really close. We could talk to eachother all night, and we were comfortable holding eachother and talking about everything personal. My girlfriend and my friend liked eachother but were scared around eachother. We came up with the idea that they would go out on a date sometime in the future. Finally we had all had a night that we were in bed together, and there was no reprecussions from it. Everybody was happy. We wanted them to become more comfortable with eachother as people and understand eachother more so we set up a date the next night. Everything was understood, we all wanted something more to happen, but decided that making out would be the limit as we didn't want to make it scary for my girlfriend/friend. Anyway as the night progressed on their end they called and asked if they could take it further. It was already discussed that they could call and ask this, so it was no problem, and we had the go ahead too. The night went amazing for both of us. The main theme I want to be known is that this wasn't about sex. We all had feelings for eachother, and we were excited about how our relationship could evolve where we would all care for eachother as our own. The night after, the woman from the other couple, decided that she wanted no more of this. She only gave reason as to being that she should only be in bed with one man and it wasn't right in the 'normal' sense. The problem with this is that she was the only one who was unsure about how we all felt about this situation. She didn't understand how we all felt this way without any problems. I know that she has feelings for me, and I know that this is something she is comfortable with. I'm not just saying that because I want her to feel that way, but I know her very well and I can tell her true feelings. I believe she is scared because she doesn't understand how she can have feelings for me and them not to change how she feels about her fiance. It's not about the sex. The love that is shared between us and the caring is just amazing and I've never felt anything like this before. I know that my girlfriend and my friend feel the same way I do, and they are also confused as to what to do. It's not something that can be done without her obviously. It's not about the sex or anything and it would be fine without it, its the feelings that are really important to us. Okay, sorry if this is hard to understand, but I just summed up a large amount of feelings and time into a very short amount of space. Is there anybody out there with understanding of this such relationship and/or any advice?

[lilly2279]

Well if it's not about the sex then you guys should just be couples that hang out together as friends and not have sex.

Am I making it too simple?

If your friends girlfriend is uncomfortable, you will have to deal with that. or let things progress at her pace.

[Serotonin32]

The thing is, its more than a friendship. All of us have felt it. Its a deeper feeling. She wanted everything, she is actually the one who wanted it the most. The problem is not that she didn't want this. That night was amazing for all four of us. The feeling we all got from it was magical almost. I felt so comfortable with her in my arms, and i know she felt the same. It's hard to explain how I knew this without just showing you how everything went, but that's impossible. She woke up with the same feelings towards me. That night when she told me how she felt, I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me that she didn't have any feelings for me, and she couldn't do it. I've never felt a feeling like I've felt from this experience and I don't want to lose it. By saying that sex isn't the issue, I meant it, but friendship is a step backwards. Holding her and showing how deeply I care is something that normal friends don't do. Everyone else feels this way, and they don't want to lose it either. It's so hard to explain how I feel, and how I felt, as I'm so confused myself. It's the greatest feeling I've ever felt. The love I feel for my girlfriend, and the love I feel for these two people is remarkable, and I can't lose it.

[-kythulhu-]

i'm not exactly sure if you're looking for advice or opinions. but i'll put my two cents in.

i don't think i'd try it, no offence or anything. sure, it maybe something that ya'll are into now, but what if it's just kind of a phase? and it effects how all for of ya'll are later towards each other? especially you and your girlfriend. i'd be too worried about something changing between my boyfriend and i if i were in your situation.

i agree with lilly, maybe just hang out as friends, and understand that there are deeper feelings. i just wouldn't act on them. but then again, i don't think we exactly understand your view on it, i know i don't, because i've never been there.

i guess just really think about it is my advice. sorry if this post wasn't too helpful. =\ best of luck.

[Rawbob]

I"m a bit confused..is this a MALE, FEMALE, FEMALE, FEMALE 4way relationship or 2 male/female couples!

if it's two male/female couples i have NOT heard much talk about the other guy!

how does he feel abouthis GF being with you and your GF..how do u feel about your GF being with him? Do the men play with the men and the women play with the women? (ie: is bi sex practiced by all?)

Can you clarify and please share how the other guy is feeling?

[vagabondprince]

i was going to ask basically the same thing rawbob just did...now i want to add a little more.

We didn't hear anything about your feelings directly toward the other guy. Because of this, i'm assuming that you don't feel exactly or nearly exactly the same way for him as you do for the two ladies, and it's the same for him probably. What i kind of imagine when i read your post is that both you guys are enjoying being able to be close to two women at the same time. If this is the case I foresee unavoidable power struggles between the two of you guys down the road, possibly about who gets who when, or any similar situation. You need to keep in mind that tension down the road is highly likely to tear a relationship like you suggest apart, and you want to make sure you're willing to sacrifice your current relationship with your girlfriend to take that chance.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

LOL all it sounds like to me is.. you love the one who isnt your "gf" anddddd well its like your with the wrong people, your gf now.. wants to be with the other man.. anddddd you want to be with the other woman.. pfft do it. i duno if you guys all say you feel the sam way.. it shouldnt be a problem right?

[oberon]

Okay, I'll take a stab at this. *First, I'm going with this being two MF couples. *Serotonin talks about his girlfriend and the other girl has a "fiance" so (unless they live in Massachusetts) that means male. *

Knowing a little something about unconventional relationships, I'd say that something like this is ONLY going to work out if all the individuals involved are totally committed to the relationship. *If even just one feels out of place then it's not going to work for any of you. *

As to what her issues might be... I think the "unconventional" thing might be it. *It's terribly hard to be different. *How is this four-way going to work down the road? *Are you planning on having kids? *Is that child going to have to say, "Hey, I need extra space on this school form for my other mommy and daddy."? *

I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with your scenario, just that it's going to take all four working together to make it happen. *It's also going to take a pretty strong attitude of "We don't care what anyone else thinks". *

Good Luck and Best Wishes.

[WallyLlama]

If memory serves... and it may not...

this has a familiar ring to it. I seem to recall some previous posts where the two gals got very interested in each other and the guys were having some issues with it...

Might not be the same situation, but if anyone was the time or inclination, I'd suggest a search of the board to learn more of the history.

Since I don't have the time to research, I don't feel that I can comment based on the information available. Contrary to the occasional accusation, I do not jump to conclusions.

[Serotonin32]

Ah, I think I have the final ending to this chapter of my life. My 'friend's' fiance decided she didn't want to continue this because she knew that she loved her fiance, and that's all she needed. Throughout this whole thing I never looked at her as better than my g/f, nor did I compare them in any way. It was an addition to my love. The problems that have ensued have changed my life completely, and I don't know whether or not to regret my choices, or understand that this was possible anyway. After she wasn't comfortable with it, my 'friend' was having a hard time dealing with it. I was there to comfort him and such, and I was there for my girlfriend too. Umm. Last night, both of them decided that they were going to persue a relationship together. My girlfriend broke up with me two days ago (with bullshit reasons), and my 'friend's' fiance gave his ring back and broke up with him because he was taking my now exgirlfriend out and telling her he loved her and such... So. I have learned. I have to deal with this now. I loved her so much, but I am glad to know now that this was in her heart. It's been a bad week.