second thoughts on break up

[hckystud421]

Ok, so i was going out with this girl for at least 6 months when to me she got to controlling. Now this was all good and fine, but i guess it just bothered me enough that i thought that i should break up with her. So i did, and i was really hard. I felt really bad, but it was a weight off my shoulders. But ever since that day, about 3 months ago, i ahve this recurring feeling that it wasnt the rightthing to do. We talk and are friends still but i still have feelings for her, she has them for me too, but i just dont know what to do. i told her i loved her, which was true and still is but she thinks it was just a line to get into her pants. sex never happened, but other things did, and it was her first time.and mine to. i think that she feels used but that wasnt my intention at all. i want to get back together with her, but i really dont want another girlfriend. Is there any way that i can say i want to be with you but not have a title, and not hurt her feelings?

[lilly2279]

Hey hon, can you elaborate on how she became controlling? a little background helps us give you the best suggestions possible.

Do you just wanna be friends with her? Or you want to date her, fool around, but not have her be your actual "girlfriend"?

Just getting clarification.

[hckystud421]

She was just always wondering who i was with or what i was doing, not matter what it was. I have alot of girl friends, and when i hang out with my friends alot of the time it would be them, so she didnt like that, but she knew that they are more like sisters and nothing more. I am a very outgoing kind of guy and dont really care what anyone thinks about me, like in a store if there is a song on the radio that i now i will sing and dance to it in the isle, but she would always tell me to stop, or give me a tap to quit it. she just wouldnt let me be me. When i was out with my friends for instance, even the guy ones, she would call and wonder were i was, knowing damn well thats what i was doing, almost like she wanted to make me feel guilty for leaving her at her house, even though she has friends of her own that she could hang out with. Sometimes you just need a little bit of time to be with frinds.

on the other part, i want to be friends, "close friends", just someone that i can hang around with and do what ever happens, there is still that attraction, but i just dont want to the official title to be there. It changes everything. thanks agaion

[lilly2279]

I bet if you continue to be friends it would be cool with her, but from the way she acted while you were dating, I would say if you become "close friends" she would think you were dating again. Even if you said you weren't. I think it would upset her if anything physical happened because she would think that meant you were "getting back together".

make sure she understands up front that you don't want her up your ass every five minutes. If she can handle it, she'll go with it. If she can't, she'll walk. But I think if you just let things happen, she'll think things are moving back in the right directio and that you are dating again. Know what I mean?

Just be VERY open and up front with her.

[vagabondprince]

i'm going out on a limb saying this, but you made a dumb move by simply breaking up with her. from the way you said it, it sounds like you didn't even try to talk to her about her controlling nature. if you would have addressed it with her she may have been willing to try to change. but you have to be able to be open and to talk to each other about any matter to maintain a healthy relationship.

i'd also ask, what are you afraid of...you have feelings for her, and it doesn't sound like you want to date anyone else, so why are you afraid to call her your girlfriend? once you cann answer that you may be able to work things out with her a little better, and figure out exactly what you want.

[hckystud421]

no, we talked about it, and i left it alone for a while, then i just couldnt take it any more and broke up with her. The thing with not wanting a girlfriend, is that im still in high school and i live by the seat of my pants, i dont want to sound like a dick, but having a girlfriend is alot of work, and when i want to do something i do it, and when i have a gf, its hard to do that. LIke if i want to hang out with someone, and maybe have a "little fun" i should be able to, with out having someone that could get hurt. You know what i mean.