Men playing games

[Muppet74]

So you meet someone and it's going good and talk on phone for a bit....still good...then finally meet up...

things progress and make out session occurs and then inevitable...ya...dopey move....one thing leads to another....although you kind of mention that you didn't want it to happen....because then it could screw up this new thing....

has he called back??? NO!!!!!! BUGGER....

oh...ya....just learned...or actually finally figured out of my torturous past....that I'm *uckable...just not datable. I'm not girl friend material but guys love to get with me...or want to be with me...what the hell is wrong with this picture??? Do I not have feelings? and NOOO...i don't sleep with everyone...but...from the past partners...obviously i did...so now...it means....WHAT??

i really....really dislike games and this whole dating thing...I totally give up....if all you want is a piece of ass....get it elsewhere...I'm tired of this $hit. (yes, i do blame myself somewhat...before one of you berates me for my stupidness)...but just asking general consensus...why the hell do guys think this way??? that some women are not gf material?? how do you choose?

gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

you present yourself as not being gf "material"... stop sleeping with them once you go out and meet up with them, maybe dont talk about sexual things, start off as friends.. i duno most girls that have had this problem that i know... is just because well they sound kinda slutty.. not sayin gyou are, but maybe look at how you present yourself? and look at how you do it, does it come off as sexual.. or careing? or both? or how.. might help you.

[lilly2279]

Bottom line is that it seems most men don't want a girl that just gives it up the first time they meet them. If they do that, they think they just give it up to everyone. do they want to keep a girl who's been with all the guys in town? Not really!

Change the way you are presenting yourself. When you go on a date, dress a bit more conservatively. Don't show a ton of skin. Leave something to the imagination. Don't get into ANY make-out session on the first date. Try to keep things light and minimize "alone" time. If he gets pissy and thinks you are a prude, then he's one of the guys that just wanted to have sex with you and move on. Be glad you didn't give it up to him. It may be hard to do, but really really try!

They will have more respect for you if they don't think you are just an easy lay. Give them a chance to get to know you. Then let things gradually move in that direction. Give him a little bit of a chase, at least!

Now get back on that horse. Meet a new guy and be a good girl. Tell us how things go!

Good luck!

[WallyLlama]

Let's not set the women's movement back too many years, shall we?

A woman has the right to show as much skin as she wants. It does not mean she's easy or slutty.

A woman has the right to say "no" and she has the right to say "yes." If she says "yes" that doesn't make her a "bad girl" and it certainly doesn't remove her the dating scene or make her any less datable among thinking men.

It's possible to be both f**kable and datable at the same time.

I'm not going to defend this guy, but let's acknowledge there are at least 43 possible reasons he hasn't called. The fact that he didn't get laid may be on the list, but it's only a possibility.

If you dislike the games, don't simply change the game and the kind of clothes you wear on dates, and things like whether or not you "make out" on the first date.

Be yourself. Be a woman who has confidence, a woman who makes her own decisions, a woman who enjoys sex when she choses to, a woman who doesn't allow herself or anyone else to beat her up for decisions she's made in the past.

Call the guy, ask him what happened. Or don't.

But don't change your wardrobe or your person. It might take time, but you will run into someone who appreciates your total person. I read your original post and hear your anger, but making the leap from a date that didn't work to feeling shitty about yourself (with a fair amount of encouragement, it seems) is just plain wrong.

(Well, okay, I'm assuming you didn't end the date by telling him you did "go all the way" with a bunch of guys before him but he wasn't making the list. That would be possible reason #44 for him not calling, I suppose.) You see, my dear, the only way the number of guys you've slept with is a factor in your datability is when you make it one.

Stop beating yourself up and don't listen to those who are quick to agree with you. You're better than that.

[monie]

Good post Wally. I agree with everything you said

Dont tell someone to act how you think they should Lilly.

[Makale_83]

Ok if thats true then why am I fuckable but not datable? Because I have NEVER fucked a guy (yes 21 year old virgin here).. I mean yes I've fooled around with them but thats it. And not on the first date either.

They get to know me as friends, then we start messing around and then they tell me that just want to be friends with benefits.

[WallyLlama]

Um, if you're still a virgin, I would say you're NOT f*ckable.



I'm sorry if it angers you that men friends want benefits with the friendship. Guys enjoy sex and most are actively seeking it most of the time. I've encountered a few women who seem to think that makes them close to axe murderers or something. To them I say, "Good luck changing the natural order of things."

Since you say you've "messed around with them" and not on the first date, you must be datable.

What IS the question?

[monie]

I'm pretty sure she's asking how to get a guy to date her and then want to be in a relationship with her, not turn into friends with benefits. Lol.

I'd say the best thing for that is to keep trying. Relationships happen when both people are ready and its the right time... Perhaps you just havent found a guy that's ready yet.

[Muppet74]

Firstly.....I DO NOT wear loose clothing, or skimpy clothes or no clothes on dates...My closet is full of business wear outfits... so on dates, a nice pair of jeans, a under top (tank) with an over the body (button down shirt) that covers everything else, fully buttoned except for maybe 2. I do not wear tons of "Tammy Faye Baker" makeup or look like a 5 cent hooker down the road from you. I'm friendly and have the girl-next-door look...even though I'm closer to 30 than 20. I'm NOT some trashy ho like some of you seem to generalize that I am just b/c you 've seen all those other girls in bars wearing "hoochie" clothes... (Usually I'm the first to make fun or girls who wear clothes they should not).

Secondly....As for my talking...we had spoken on the phone for a wk (several hrs), plus the day we met and then finally on our date. No sex talk was covered...just plain old regular convo. that made myself and him laugh and get to know one another. We seemed to connect. We wanted same things. ETC ETC ETC...

so that is why....yes...my error in judgement for allowing him to come in for a few min...we began to "make out"...still clothes on...adn then he says...Let's go to your room. I'm like, NO...haven't had sex in months...don't want you to get bad idea about me. Plus...I'm a slave (haha) for my sexual impulses. I like sex...sue me. But I am NO ho, whore, slut etc...I do have self-confidence (about as much as the rest of us)...and I value myself and have good morals...about life.
so he's saying, lets' go to your room...get more comfortable. I resisted. Then aquieced(sp??)after more prodding...I said...ok fine. then he's like take off your pants. I'm like No...and on it went. then finally i gave up. So the horror of the story is ...yeah what I did is wrong. I had told him I liked him and wanted to see him again, I just did not want him to think little of me just b/c I did this with him.

I called him 3x since that night...that's my limit...he called me once and LM of...ya would like to see u again on sunday..blah blah. I call you sunday...blah blah...he never called back again....F*cker~~~~~~~~ so yeah...I was mad. He used me b/c I allowed him to. But I'm not in this alone. His body was there too. so do not blame it on...whatever the hell you think I am...b/c I am not. I'm offended by some of your comments and happy with others. Do not be quick to judge by a cover...only judge what's inside. I've never judged you. I'm the first one to help my friends and family. I have smiles on my face all the time unless something is really troubling me. I'm generous and too damn trustworhty...so ya...that's my flipping fault. so this is my explaination and my rant.

as for other guys...I flirt...does that mkae me a bad person? NO. Some of the guys I've flirted with (no touching or making out)...say they want to partner with me....but only in play. I tell them. You dip your wick in one holder....not more than that. If you aren't with me...you aren't using my holder. That was where the "I'm F*ckable but not datable" comes in....so that makes me mad...b/c I"ve encountered MANY assholes like that...but those partners that I have had sex with in past...ya mistakes too at times, I've usually liked and respected them...I realize that I was a booty call without knowin I was at the time b/c I allowed it to be. I'm kind of like...Miranda on SITC...I'm so jaded by men...but enjoy a good f*ck too...hopefully I don't end up marrying a 1 ball guy...hahaha (although it did work for her...who knows what fate has planned for this girl)....

So sorry this is a huge post....my bad. thanks for the good comments and the not so good comments...

[lilly2279]

Muppet, you didn't do a thing wrong and after re-reading my post I hope I did not sound like I was commanding you to change. Although some people thought that is what I was doing. That is NOT the case, I swear. I was simply giving some suggestions. Not one single person on here thinks you are a slut.

And to tell you the truth, I've had my share of first dates like that. I just have found that if you give it up so easily, it's like the game is over and they don't call. lol, maybe I'm a lousy lay?? Or if they did call, it was for a booty call hook-up.

Please don't take my post as me telilng you what you should do.

And monie, please do NOT tell me what to post.. I was trying to help by giving suggestions. I was not being rude or abusive to her.

Good luck Muppet. You have the right idea and you have NOT done a thing wrong. I think he was wrong by being intimate with you and then not even having the decency to call back. That is his mistake.

We are all very sexual creatures! Sex is natural and good. It sucks that it makes women seem bad to give it up, but not for men. And yeah, it's like jumping back 50 years. That really bites. I wonder how long it will take until that changes. But I guess someone will always have an opinion of it. So to each his own.

good luck, hon.