CHEATING GIRLFRIEND HELP!

[stew09]

hey what's up everyone, it's my first post here. i'm in quite a bad position right now. first a little history, i'll try to make it brief.

me and my girlfriend met online and immediately met in person the same day. we clicked immediately and even went to cedarpoint that day. we've been dating over 2 years now.

now the hard part. i haven't always been there for her emotionally. i know i haven't. i've even been an asshole towards her. i've never hit her or anything like that, just not the best boyfriend. she moved and lives about an hour away so that makes things a little hard also.

i've been very suspicious. i uncover a lot of things and find out, without her comming to me about it, that she's cheated on me. she went to a dating website and had about 20 guys on her buddy list, about 100 emails from lots of different guys, and even met up with 2 of them and fooled around with them.

she tells me she never had sex with the two guys but she did make out, get fingered, hand job, stuff like that. that is bad enough for me to handle. she tells me she felt absolutely awful about it all and wants to start over with me now. i love her so much and realized that i wasn't treating her the way a loving boyfriend should. my only beef is that she could've broken up with me and done whatever she wanted. i told her that and she tells me that she thought if she broke up with me, i wouldn't take her back. it's just a huge mess.

i told my friend about all this and they all hate her from the beginning, partially because she's a little chubby. they've always thought that i could do better and now for them to find this out, it really ticks them off and tell me to dump her. she is a great human, with the exception of this mess, and i love her for who she is and i do find her to be gorgeous.

i love her so much and she loves me equally. we talked for a few hours today. she came over after work... i just found out about all this last night. she was very appologetic. she wants to be with me and only me. i'm 23, she's 20. we both go to school full time and have jobs. it's a very stressful situation but we do love each other. i just don't know where to go from here... i've never been cheated on. any people out there that can offer me a little advice would be greatly appreciated.

[lilly2279]

Well already sound like you have forgiven her, but are just hurt as to why she did it.

Did she tell you why exactly she did it? Was it because you were emotionally unavailable for her (as you said) or was there another reason? Is she wanting to start over new just because she's been caught or does she really have feelings for you?

I know you don't want to hear "you're both young and will meet a lot of people in your life", but I guess I already said it. With you living an hour away from each other, how often can you see each other? Is a long distance relationship going to work in the end?

Many people have been cheated on, for varying reasons. You're either going to get through it and move on, or not.

When you say you found out about all this... how exactly did that happen? How would you have found out about all the e-mails and people on her buddy list? Where you already kind of investigating her for some reason? That's not real cool.

If you didn't trust her before you knew, you won't trust her now. You are going to have to work through that.

[Brandye]

Consider how she met you and how rapidly that developed. Consider that she has been repeating that behavior with others. What might the future hold?

[Greendale]

Dump her man, internet sluts are all over the place and they are evil beings. It doesn't matter if you like her still or not, she can't be trusted. Internet dating is a lot of risk and very dangerous. That's why there's so many slutty women on the internet 'cause all they want to do is get laid. Figure it out.

[girl12]

well its hard to say....u r going to have to accept that people DO get restless when u r far away from eachother. u can talk to her about maybe having an open relationship because u wont get to have sex as much as u both would like. then there would be no hard feelings. i think u should forgive her this time, and talk to her about pleasing urselves enough so u r satisfied. because...when u live far away and u dont see eachother and u cant have sex that often, this is only me, but i would reeeaally get annoyed cuz i didnt get sex as much as if u were living close together. so talk to her bout maybe making an agreement about that.

greendale, i would appreciate it if u dont take all of ur anger out on women calling them 'sluts' and telling him just to dump her sorry ass. i have actually experienced sexism and i dont appreciate that kind of language.

-mariah

[stew09]

she never came to me and told me. i originally found out on my own that she was messaging some guy and talking on the phone with him, they even had phone sex once. i forgave her for that... that was taking place for a few months and i found out in early december. i asked her if there was anything else that i had to know about... she assured me and promised me nothing else. i was wrong to believe her.

i still knew things weren't right for a while. she was acting different. i ended up going to her house over the past weekend and decided to check her AOL messenger to see if she had other screennames. she had a screenname with a bunch of guys on it. caught red handed, i asked her if she met with anyone. she assured me never. i didn't buy it. i very nicely told her it would be ok, etc, etc. she got mad at me then eventually told me the next day.

she is very sorry for what she did, said it's not who she is... she just thought i was going to break her heart and didn't want that so she went online looking for an escape. only problem is that it didn't stay online. she met 2 guys. i love this girl but it rips my heart out. she's not the kind of girl that is a horn dog or anything either. she never masterbates and never gets extremely excited over sex. dont know what to do. it hurts to think about her. sometimes i think i'm better without her; other times i tell myself to forgive her and that i wasn't there for her emotionally.

[soulmates82]

well, seems that she doesnt have the same regard for you and the relationship between you 2 as you do. she carries on like you are nothing more to her any of the other guys she chats with on line. i feel awful for you that you have stronger feelings towards her than she has for you. please dont invest any more of yourself in this gal. dont keep letting her play you for a fool. she has fooled you once, shame on her. to let yourself keep being fooled - SHAME ON YOU!!!!! dont you feel you deserve more respect than this?

[Greendale]

stew, hate to break it to ya man, but I'm positive that while you two were together, I'm sure she's been doing this internet sexual thing behind your back after all that time. You go back to this girl, she's going to keep doing it. Stay away from her and move on. She's a selfish woman that all she wants is to get laid and that's all she wanted you for.

[lilly2279]

Greendale, are you giving us the green light to talk to you like that? I don't think you really answered me before on the previous post when I asked that....

The guy is upset! Don't be so freaking cruel! Do you know the girl? Are you inside her head? Quite being so mean!

Unless you want us to be mean to you when you post a serious question about your obsession with a girl from work.

[girl12]

greendale i dont think its fair for u to all the sudden make assumptions about her when u dont even know her. she was bored...she got no sex, they should work somethin out, this doesnt automatically mean shes a selfish whore.