Is her "violence" flirting?

[noon]

Does anyone know of any girls that seem to use violence to show affection? By "violence" I mean pinching arms, punching arms, and those sorts of things. I've been hanging out with this girl for a while, and for the first while she never really hit me. Then one day she would walk by and slug me on the shoulder or something. Another day she gave me a pretty wicked bruise by pinching the underside of my arm. Generally she never really hurts me, but it sure as hell doesn't tickle either. A few times--after I've made a joke of some sort or teased har a bit--she has asked me if I want her to kick me in the face. She never has, of course, but she seems to be expecting a particular answer that as of yet I have been unable to conjure.

I can only guess that all of this stuff is flirting, because from I've seen, I am the only one that she ever does this to. Since this has started we have made-out a few times and had sex once. From what I understand she really doesn't want a relationship, so am I on the friends-with-benefits wagon or something? She says she has been burned in the past, and is not ready for one. I would like a serious relationship with her at some point in time, so should I try my best to be patient?

I guess this first-post-of-mine has gone from a question to a plea for advice. . . I appreciate any sort of words that any of you fine people my supply. . .

[vagabondprince]

i dated a girl for about a week while i was in germany, and she got really violent. and i'm fairly sure it was fflirting or showing affection, but i didn't like it. Needless to say i ended it rather quickly. but if she's not injuring you and you don't mind it too much, it's nothing to worry about. she probably is just flirting

[Howard.moe]

Hello noon. Welcome to the boards.

I'd say that if you have already had sex with her, you can take this "abuse" as some sort of flirting. If it bothers you, just ask her to stop. (politely, of course!) Just let her know that she is hurting you. On the other hand, be happy that she hasn't hit you in the genitals! lol Hope I was helpful.

[noon]

Heh, that's true, the only hit to the genitals was a good one. . . For the most part I really don't mind a bit of violence, because I appreciate the touching.

Thank you for the comments, Howard.moe and vagabondprince. What you say makes sense. I appreciate the outsiders' view on the subject.

What kind of answer do you think she is expecting regarding the "kick in the face?" I have answered no, yes, and about every dirty reply that I could think of. . .

[Howard.moe]

I would say that the kick in the face is probably more rhetorical than anything else. I don't think she really wants to kick you in the face, especially if she likes you... I would say that you should be patient... to a point. Don't let her walk all over you. Only wait as long as you want to. However, if you do want the relationship, maybe you could take her out on a few dates? I know she said she doesn't want a relationship or whatever, but try to show her that you aren't out to "burn" her and that you really care about her. I don't know... maybe... maybe not. Its worth a shot though, right? What have you got to lose?

Hope I was helpful.

[eDJ]

People flirt differently indeed. *I notice she says she was burnt
and doesn't want a relationship. *Her style may be an invitation to flirt back aggresively too. *You would have to easily wade into those waters.

When she suggest kicking you in your face......you may retort
with "Maybe I oughta turn you across my knee and give ya a good sharp hinding". (a spanking) *She may get a rise out of it.
Some girls just go for rough play, but find a guy that they like
who just doesn't understand it. *You know a gentle guy that has everything they like except an understanding of the kind of excitement they crave.

When she hits or pinches ya.......tell her you're going to give her a "Titty Twister"....before actually doing it. *If she seems to respond to the thrill of the idea/suggetion you may have met up with such a lady. *

As you have had sex once, mention you have some rope and a gag for her....maybe some wooden spring closepins(that are well worn and weak) for ther nipples. *Remember this if she seems to get hot for the suggestion. If you do doggie you can swat her some(lightly) on her butt cheaks too. She may enjoy being asked "who's her daddy"(in an assertive tone of voice). It sounds like some light BDSM may be what she's flirting for.

I'd mention that those who say they don't want a relationship etc etc seem to be the same ones who want one the most.
This is a kind of kink you may have little experience with...and find she is experience with it. Something about you may excite her, but she has to train you.....get it? *

A couple places you can check out are:

BedroomBondage

BDSM Cafe

Remember rough play should be consentual so flirt back with suggestions of what you are thinking of doing to her to see how she responds to it. *If she dares you and continues to hit or pinch...turn about is fair play.

Something the two of you may enjoy sharing is a pair of "Boffers". *They are like foam padded swords that you can do mock combat with without doing harm. *You can easily make them out of 1/2 inch plastic tube and foam pipe insulation with some duct tape.(instructions below)

Boffer plans and instructions

Remember you can play for stakes too. *If she looses you get to install a sex toy in her somewhere or attach a clip to her nipple etc or she gets to do something similar to you. *If you have a place where you can be in private and duel naked that is. *The sky is the limit with mock blood sport.

eDJ

[WallyLlama]

I see no need to over-complicate this...

You need to get to know this girl better and learn her story.

Before you rush out to buy handcuffs and sex toys, the important question is "Can/does she show affection and intimacy in non-violent ways?"

If not, you are either dealing with a very immature person or someone with some psychological issues.

Of course if you're only interested in the sex, that probably doesn't matter.

[eDJ]

Somehow I'm reminded of Helga and Arnold in Nickelodeon TV's
"Hey Arnold" show. I guess it is sort of like noon's situation.
Only Helga verbaly abuses Arnold.(but secretly swoons over him)

eDJ

[lilly2279]

Well, this behavior doesn't sound like the flirting of a mature woman... How old are we talking here?

This may be the only way she knows to flirt with you. It's her way of touching.. which is a start.

If you are already intimate with her, try flirting in a more traditional way if you like, to see how she takes it.

Maybe one day when you're behind her, gently touch the side of her neck, just light enough to tickle... and perk those nipples right up.. or a light tracing down the inside of her arm from the elbow down to the finger tips..

Show her a kindler gentler way to flirt physically...

When she feels comfortable she may find nice ways to thrill you, as well...

[SONY33]

Thats kinda the same way with my girlfriend. I will tickle her or something and she will pinch the hell out of me or bite the hell out of me.