Insecurity?

[Phoenixx]

i'm 18 and i've been with the same guy for over 2 years now, we moved into an apartment together and we have sex about once a day. but sometimes he lies to me about masturbating, it used to be a big deal for me, i used to feel betrayed and unattractive, but now i understand that it's just another thing that he's "in the mood for"- nothing personal. i'm not the most attractive girl in the world, i'm a little chubby but nothing gross or sad. but that may also be because i often compare myself to those porn stars that he gets off too. anyway, so after about 2 months ago i started to begin to feel more comfortable about the idea, but now, i'm starting to loose that confidence. i just can't shake the fact that those girls are prettier that i am and that my boyfriend is locked in our bedroom jerking off when i feel that i can please him better than a piece of paper. it's just offensive and i don't know why it bothers me so much. can anyone give me some advice? I've talked to him and to be honest, i have no reason to think that he prefers them over me. he always tells me how beautiful I am and during sex, i try to cover my tummy and he pulls the blanket off and tells me he wants to see me because i'm sexy. it's just little things like that that let me know that he still desires me. maybe i'm asking too much. i know that he's always going to find other girls attractive, it's just that i don't want him to be on "that level" with anyone but me, physical or not. thanks for your help

[monie]

Ok. I had a very similar problem to this. I posted here and it helped a bunch. Here is that thread:

my thread

That should help.

[monie]

Also, these two old threads of mine should help too:

boyfriend's porn

fantasizing

Hope those help, they sure did with me. If you have more questions or anything feel free to ask.

[WallyLlama]

I'm glad Monie posted those threads... they are memorable and, as I recall, she truly dealt with the issue in a healthy way.

Here's a basic statment of the situation you are describing:

A. You don't want him to jerk off using porn.

B. He wants you to feel better about your body and yourself.

In a logical sense, the two are un-related. But I have to point out that there's an important difference between these wants. Your want (A) is mostly about you and how you feel. His want (B) is mostly about you and how you feel. Wait, that makes it sound like they are the same. Hmmm, maybe they are.

They are both about how you feel about yourself.

His use of porn is NOT the controlling factor in how you feel about yourself. It sounds like he's doing plenty to encourage you to feel good about yourself... you should learn to agree with him! Frankly, you probably are asking too much. Next time take the blanket off your tummy with your own hands and be the sexy gal he thinks you are.

[LadyOfLucidDepths]

oh god girl, i totally know the feeling im very insecure about my body, i know im not really even chubby, or whatever, i just feel insecure is all i know it.. lol but its true... you gotta work on yourself... first and get more comfortable..and when your bf does that, he really means it.. if he didnt he wouldnt be around.. you know? and the porn thing, yeahhh it would get annoying but just a suggestion maybe.. join him? and watch porn together. might help you feel you are part of it. though really him masterbating has nothing to do with you, sometimes.. its more.. they do it just to do it.. as do some girls.. u know? but girl don't worry!!!
Jamie

[Phoenixx]

thanks everyone for your replies, that makes me feel a little better. i think to put it plainly though, it's that i want him to think that i'm so beautiful that he doesn't need porn, just me. I think i was too mad last night to point that out. either way, yal are right, it is mostly about my self image, and i try to work on that, but what can i say, i've never felt totally secure. again, thank you sooo much for taking the time to reply.

[WallyLlama]

I can't resist...

When a woman says she wants her man to feel "so beautiful" that he doesn't need porn... (or something along those lines, this is not personal, Phoenixx)...

I'm always tempted to suggest that we extend that logic.

We (guys) want you to feel so beautiful that you don't spend money on make up and nice clothes.

We want you to only want and need us. No toys, no vibrators.

Obviously, I don't really feel that way. But we all (men and women) need to learn to feel confident in ourselves and recognize that most of the stuff we worry about are really supplments, tools, resources, toys... whatever. Nothing can replace a human being.